Cchokogirl :)

Because right now

2012-02-11T14:29:00.002+08:00

Because right now, you are the only thing I care about, and the rest of the world can all burn and go to hell.

02/23/12

Dragon Tattoo

2012-02-05T18:31:00.000+08:00

So last Friday for some reason I got together with four classmates to quote unquote, magsunog ng pera at Greenbelt.

The original plan was to just have lunch at Wee Nam Kee in Ayala Triangle (sad face that I wasn’t able to text Kevin Penalba because I still don’t have his number) since Jo wanted Hainanese Chicken, but we ended up eating at Toast Box, going to Starbucks and watching The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. On a workday afternoon! :)

Lunch was so-so because although the chicken was great and relatively cheap thanks to Kevin Jazmines’ creative financial planning, the service was terrible. Pinapalinis lang naming yung table sa kabila para magamit namin, sabi ba naman nung waiter hindi daw siya makadaan kase madaming tao. Wtf. We ended up dragging another table to our eating place. On the side, Eugene and Migs were kinda frustrated because they paid for the bill and we were supposed to just pay them our shares perona-short ng 100 si Migs after magbayaran. And for all his I-am-a-Certified Public Accountant glory, Eugene could not figure out where the missing 100 was. :P But as I said, yung chicken masarap.

Dragon Tattoo was actually kind of cool, especially yung abstract inky thing at the beginning. It had a mysterious appeal all throughout and the plot was nicely paced, but some scenes were kinda graphic and morbidly scary. There is something twistedly disturbing about bondage alone, all the more when you add vises and dildos and screams of pain to the equation. At one point my left seatmate Eugene had his head turned away from the screen and his eyes completely shut while my right hand seat mate Kevin J. had his hand clamped on to my arm. Way to go, La Salle and Ateneo. However UP does not score a point because I had my face buried in my hands at the same time.

It was pretty funny afterwards though because everyone was sighing in relief like there was no tomorrow. Eugene looked like he swallowed a phone or something, while Kevin J commented na parang ang sakit na din ng pwet nya. I told him not to see Teeth then.

The movie surprisingly showed more skin than I expected although when I looked it up last weekend, everything was really part of the original book's plot. Maybe that’s the reason why Migs insisted that we watch Dragon Tattoo over Chronicle. Guy is a smart conversationalist, but he is even greener than the DLSU Archers. Sa totoo lang, the fact that I get almost all of his jokes worries me.

Hindi ko gets yung Bond-esque montage near the end when Girl liquidated W’s assets. It was really awkwardly out of place and I felt like it was one of those ‘imposible pero kailangang mangyari or else wala tayong ending’ kinds of stuff in books and movies.

All in all, I’m glad we were able to throw together this little impromptu hangout. Hopefully we can do it again after we get fed to the sharks at next week’s revalidas.

Some days it sucks to be me

2012-01-28T08:29:00.002+08:00

Some days I lose my phone. The last time it happened, I lost the phone I loved the most out of all the phones I have ever and currently own, to people who hijack jeepneys at 7.30 in the morning and happen to be pro at what they do, unlike the noobs at the SM North jeep route.

Some days I fail my exams. And I just feel so sad and disappointed and frustrated because I studied for them in a way that I have never done before, not in UP nor BPI. I memorized every single thing. But the questions were not on the material I studied.

Some days I get told that my classmates are intimidated by me because I seem so smart daw. And it feels so bad to know that people think you’re smart because the humiliation will be unbearable when they discover that I might actually fail this.

Some days I find myself alone in a coffee shop with a pile of notes on my lap waiting to be memorized. I feel so crappy that despite merely fifty pesos worth of load, I text two dozen people about how much I miss them. And how free I was when I was with them.

Some days I wonder if I’ll still have this job next month. I have to. Everything is on the line.

Some days it sucks to be me.

Thanks

2012-01-15T18:08:00.007+08:00

This has been long overdue, but I would like to thank my friend Joseph (oh yes I remembered your real name! ^_^) for uploading the patches and maps I needed for my .48 era DotA marathon during the holidays. I started playing at late .68 so the DotA I know now is sooo different from the DotA back then. (I remember Kuya Dawn saying that this was the version he played, hmmmm.)

Click images to zoom.

Bases looked different dahil unti pa ang taverns and the shops didn't have kick-ass names yet.

Um these things I do not know what to make of - those arrows sa taas ng heroes, yung ridge from sentinel base going to mid lane at yung giant ewan arc sa mid entrance ng scourge. I'm just glad natanggal ang mga yan along the way.

Shops at top and bot lanes used to be this shop called Sagarel the Evil. I say I like the current shops better.

Walang option to always show health bars! Does that mean before you last-hit/kill you have to click on your opponent first to see kung last-hitabble or killable na siya?

Buti nalang din naisip ni ice-frog na lagyan ng merit ang assists (I mean, unfair that only the killer gets gold and XP when other team mates helped out) at tanggalin yung blahblah the blahblah has fallen. It's annoying.

Also, item remakes! I'm torn whether I like bote now or bote before better, but I'm certain that I like Aghanim's before than Aghanim's now. I forgot which replay I watched it from so no screencap but I remember that it gave something like +500 hp, +500 mana and +30 int. Imba!

***

So this is gonna be my last DotA post for a long time because even though I like this game a lot, 2011 was a catastrophic year for the sport, what with legendary teams disbanding, legendary players retiring and the introduction of DotA 2 dividing the players - Europeans generally jumped ship to DotA 2 so now only the Asians are active.

It makes me really sad because there are a lot of European teams I like a lot, so I've decided to take a break from following the sport while the dust settles. Hopefully after a few months there will be new teams, old-hand comebacks and a reinvigorated passion for the only e-sport I follow. :)

Of course, even though the DotA fangirl in me has been through so many game-related heartbreaks lately, there are still a few things that manage to make me smile. Among these is a replay of... who else? :)

See how only one player has picked a hero at this mark? He knows exactly who he wants to get. :)

Team mates wanna swap, does he take it or not?

He sticks to Lina and goes off to pwn! At mababaw ang aking kaligayahan. :)

Shot through the heart

2011-12-14T17:39:00.003+08:00

I am literally smitten to the point of pathetic-ness. I have never pitied myself this much, and that comes from a girl who had to be taken to a psychologist after she lost her first job.

He plays a game in 2008, and instead of being a good BDO employee and practicing my Flamenco for the Christmas party on Friday, I spend the entire day scourging the internet for a TFT 1.21 version patch and 6.43 maps. The latest version patch is 1.26 and the latest map is 6.72f so it's like downgrading from Vista to Windows 98. (At naka 200+ obsolete links din ako ha, kahit dota-utilities at getdota wala na nun.)

All to watch a 20-minute replay of a game so long ago when he roamed Lina + dagger and picked off MYM players one by one like they were petals of a sunflower.

Sigh. Vanya, wherever you are, please play again so I don't have to dig up your old Lina replays.

Say Hello to Benz

2011-12-10T01:48:00.000+08:00

So this year I didn't plan to get a Starbucks planner like I usually do because:

1. I haven't really been going out with my Starbucks-loving friends lately so no chance to get stickers.

2. I'm actually more frugal now that I have a job even though my salary is way bigger than what I used to get as an allowance because:
a. I realized that I like having money better than spending it, i.e. I feel happier when I look at my passbook and see growing figures than when I go home from shopping and look at all the things I bought (except shoes).
b. I swore to myself that by my birthday next year (or a bit after that) I'm going to have ZSMJ in my life. Alas my dad says that because I'm working now, I just can't ask him to buy ZSMJ for me, we have to split his cost so I kinda need 400k by August. Clue: ZSMJ is not some cute little Chinese guy who inherited from Kuroky the title of best carry.

3. Lately I choose to spend my weekends curled up at home watching you-know-who than going to posh coffee shops to watch random people pass by.

4. As my psychologist said I am mukhang pera and not mukhang planner..

However it turns out that I'm still getting a planner this year because my Ate Len took it up to herself to collect stickers for me! She told me to consider it as my Christmas gift. I'm not complaining because last year she got me a box of cereals for Christmas. (She did buy me like a dozen clothes and shoes the whole year though.)

My last two planners were named Jake (after Two and a Half Men's Jake Harper) and Little Frankie (after UFC's Frank Edgar). Now say hello to Benz. He's an Oak planner named after ZSMJ's former team mate at LGD, notorious for his Lina. (I love LGD, even now.) I went for Benz because he's the only other pro player I've ever seen do a solo-lane Lina besides Vigoss who once did a solo-mid Lina vs. Invoker.. Baller!

First entry on Benz? Under December 13, 2011, the note “Payday why you so far away : (”.

Crossing the Mexican Borders

2011-12-03T22:26:00.003+08:00

Slow down, things have been a little crazy

Right now it’s time to get away

You can find out what it is you’re really after

Time is on our side

Come on we’re leaving everything behind

So today I and my friends from the Kapampangan community went on an epic road trip to Archer’s house. Among the epic things we did are:

1. Crossed numerous Mexican borders, successfully evading the border patrol.

2. Formed a drug/smuggling/kidnapping cartel thanks to two cars pulling over (or not) at random places with Boss transferring from Kuya Rex’s car to Bong’s car for no apparent reason.

3. Got juked by the epic INC sign featuring a 12x2 strip of the colors green, white and red and the chevron sign. We were seriously expecting ‘This way to INC’ or something like that.

4. Encountered a rabid dog (laughing hyena daw) that can shake hands according to Archer.

5. The guys avoided being judged as malakas kumain because when they wanted a plateful more of rice they asked me to get it.

6. Went on an early Marian procession thanks to the truck ng tubo at truck ng kung ano man yon in front of us. We averaged 10km per hour from the second border to SM Pampanga. For realz.

7. Kuya Rex and I shopped together for the first time and we could’ve been mistaken for a couple designing a nursery or something like that, what with buying colorful floormats.

We’re gonna be so far gone

Some place we have never been before

Find a new favorite song

We’ll end up right where we belong

I also learned many epic things. Among them are:

1. May vlog thingy pala si Mo Twister that seems to suggest that Rhian Ramos did have an abortion.

2. May difference between staff-staffan as opposed sa totoong staff.

3. Ang RORO ay para sa cars at hindi sa mga cargo shipments or tao na gustong mag cartwheel or egg roll pasakay ng barko.

4. Russia is way more successful than Ukraine (may pino-plot langsilang kung ano according to Boss).

5. Balut is an aphrodisiac according to Lawi. (Um I get turned on when I watch Vigoss’ replays does that mean he is an aphrodisiac too?)

Thank you Archer for inviting us to your partay and thank you Kuya Rex, Boss, Bong and Lawers for the epicness. :)

You know that sun is shining, we’ll keep driving

Doesn’t matter where

Cause we got that open highway leading our way

As long as you are there, we can go anywhere

- We Can Go Anywhere, Jesse McCartney

Logic will break your heart.

2011-11-27T00:06:00.000+08:00

There is an exact moment in time when you hold a sea shell by your ear and you no longer hear the ocean.

The last time you saw him was three years ago, at an Avatar showing. He was with Rob and you were with Al. You saw them at the cinema queue and debated with yourself whether to walk up to them or not. It's not like you were ashamed of Al or anything, but you thought that if you approached them and introduced your orgmate, he might wonder if you and Al were going out. And for some reason you say you never really knew, you didn't want him to think that.

And so you walked away.

Tonight is different. You are tired as hell, almost zombie-like as you grudgingly trudge the long stretch from Sbarro to Cyberzone, but you are alone.

He is walking to the other direction, but he is alone as well.

Your heart skips a beat and this time there is no debating with yourself. Something strong and strange and scary just takes you over and you know that you aren't going to fight it. You don't want to, and even if you did, you know that you can't fight it anyway. It's like eating a Level 16 Laguna Blade, Aghanim's reinforced -at the most unexpected moment, you're hit by a brilliant flash of cerulean lightning, sending a surge of electricity rushing through your veins before it all just overwhelms you and then finally you just fade away.

Your lips part. You feel each letter of his name burning from your gut, through your throat and unto your tongue as you call out his name.

But no words come out.

His eyes never wander off his destination. He never even saw you. You try your damnedest to say his name, to say something, to say ANYTHING – but it just doesn't happen. All you can do is watch helplessly as he passes you by.

It's been five years since things began and ended, and you wonder why you still get affected so much. The only thing you know is that this is the exact reason why you clam up and push people away when they get close. You showed him your vulnerability once, and he shattered you apart.

In the end, all you are able to do is to continue walking away from him while Panic at the Disco throbs at your ears and stabs at your chest.

There’s no more that need be said
When I’m inching through your bed
Take a look around instead and watch me go

There is an exact moment in time when you hold a sea shell by your ear and you no longer hear the ocean.

Instead, if you listen carefully, you can hear the sound of your heart breaking.

A Penny for My Random Thoughts

2011-11-19T23:31:00.002+08:00

1. Yesterday was an epic day. I had lunch with Archer, Bong, Boss and Lawi at SM, we watched Praybeyt Benjamin at Rob and then went back to SM for meryenda which was supposed to be ice cream but since ‘Crispy Cream’ was expensive and there were no seats at 7/11, we ended up sampling Max’s Giant halo-halo. Apparently I have earned the reputation of spilling liquids. :P

We spent the whole day laughing about anything and everything, but Lawi’s interpretation of ‘Parking for the disabled’ takes the epic win. Trust my crazy orgmates to turn something supposed to be nice into a laugh trip!

Looking forward to watching The Road soon. No matter how much Boss says we never will. :)

2. Er, this sounds a bit weird, but… Well, I never knew that watching a man eat chili crabs with his bare hands could be so… um… satisfying? I swear, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. It was just… so… uh, yummy?

Gawd there must be something wrong with me. I am disturbed with myself.

3. Speaking of disturbed. We were at SM Bacoor’s Dep last week when I saw something totally unbelievable – NBA bath towels that had players’ cartoon faces printed on them! I mean, I love Dirk Nowitzki enough to declare that he’s the best thing to happen to NBA whocaresaboutMichaelfreakinJordanguycan’tshootone-leggedjumpers, but the idea of getting out of the shower and wiping myself dry with Dirk’s face is just so weird/awkward/disturbing.

If any of you my readers look forward to rubbing Kobe’s or Wade’s or LBJ’s faces into your bodies, drop me a tag and explain to me why anyone would want to do that. For real.

4. Speaking of NBA. I is so sad about the lock out. How are the Mavs supposed to defend their title when there are no games? How is a clutch team supposed to work their way up again if there are only 50 or less games this season, assuming there is gonna be a season in the first place?

Above all, I just miss watching Dirk play. :(

5.

Admir, Jolie, Vigoss. Arguably the holy trinity of Virtus Pro (arguably, as very possibly it’s NS, Jolie and Vigoss) which is arguably the best DotA team EVAH (again, arguably, because there’s EHOME 2010). Jolie reminds me a lot of Kenn De Vera. Ang lakas ng dating, you’d never think that he’s… not-that-tall. :)

Sigh. And where was I when VP was kicking ass? I was scolding Stalin Francisco for being too addicted to a “…stupid game…”

If I only knew what I would be doing at 2am in grimy internet cafés five years later, I would have asked Stalin to teach me how to DotA. Then maybe I wouldn’t be so pathetic.

6. Speaking of Vigoss. Yes, I know that Moscow Five has disbanded and right now no one knows what’ll happen to the players, but I haven’t blogged anything about because when I was thinking of posting something about a topic, I realized that it would be futile anyway because no matter what happens, I know that I’m still gonna support Vigoss and Dread and NS and God whatever happens to them anyway (I do not care what happens to PGG).

(M5 during Intel CSC. That guy whose face occupies half the pic is PGG, the alleged reason for the split. In the middle is NS, he always sits next to Vigoss who is the third guy in the pic. Gawd, whoever took this pic, why did you hafta take it from PGG’s side of the table? It would have been so much better if it was Vigoss’ godlike face that occupied half this picture.)

Even if they retire from DotA altogether, I’ll still have their replays from the good old days and I’ll probably name some beloved item of mine after them just as I did with my laptop 820 anyway. Vigoss, I am resolved to name the first car I will buy after you. It will have the special plate VIGOSS and the decal “Caution: Driver skills Laguna Blade” or something epic like that. :)

7. I don’t know why I’m blogging about this, but last week Jin received a comment from some person from Romania who was asking if I had tried writing erotica and if I hadn’t, he/she said I should try it because he/she thinks my writing style fits that genre. And I’m like, WTMFH?

It’s not so much as writing about sex because I have written about it before – see Words Don't Come Easily – albeit they’re still more angst than erotica, but the thing is, erotica as a legit literary genre is just so much difficult to write than virtually everything else. If you’re gunning for a material that people can jerk off to, you can’t just be narrative, witty, sensible and funny, you have to pick the right words and know the right degree of descriptiveness and deliberateness (and dirtiness).

So for this person to just go out there and tell people that they should try writing erotica… heck. Maybe he/she is just trying to promote sensual literature.

8. New record: Panic at the Disco’s New Perspective has hit 520 plays on my iPod!

9. Epic thread at Sherdog.com.

Title: GSP is not gay
Post: I believe that GSP is not gay. He is just too focused on training and he has no sexuality.
Replies:
TS why did you make this thread and why am I actually posting on it?
The gayness in this thread is astounding.
I lost brain cells for reading this.

In places no one will find

2011-10-31T12:40:00.002+08:00

I’ve always said that it’s one of the worst mistakes I made in my life, next to not reviewing for my last BPI exam and saying no to Mac. And most of the time, it is. Because no matter how hard I try to tell myself that what’s done is done and the end justifies the means, every time I think about what I did to John Carl, it just eats me up inside.

Until now, there’s a big part of me who wishes that I didn’t selfishly, insensitively throw him under the bus. There’s a smaller part that says it’s take one or the other because I know that I wouldn’t have won if I hadn’t done that, and I know that the smaller part is right. But it doesn’t make things less difficult.

Winning the secretarial position gave me the ‘leadership experience’ (at least resume-wise) that I needed to land my jobs. But whenever I remember all the stress, the tears, the hard feelings and restless nights that countless arguments, bashings, back-stabbings and trash talkings that I experienced after finally getting what I wanted, not to forget the fact that John Carl has totally cut me off from his world because of what I did, (I’m not saying that I don’t deserve it) I think it’s almost not worth it.

Many times I find myself wishing that I didn’t run for the position after all. Then maybe people wouldn’t have backstabbed me. Maybe there would be no shadow of doubt about who my real friends were and who were only faking it haunting me until now. Maybe John Carl and I would still be friends. For these reasons, I think – I know - that wanting to be Secretary is indeed one of the worst mistakes I made in my life.

And so I wonder why I find myself crying when I wake up at two in the morning and read a message from Lawi that says “I miss your Aslags and Aslag artics.”

Four Things that Drive Me Crazy

2011-10-12T18:26:00.001+08:00

At least right now.

1. Ice cream.

I have been afflicted by an insatiable addiction to ice cream! I haven’t stopped swallowing spoonfuls of the yummy stuff since two weeks ago. Thankfully I have a wonderful mummy who takes very well the fact that I need to be given the things I crave for lest I get depressed again. Since I told her that I wanted ice cream, our fridge has not been without at least two tubs of my favourite Arce Dairy flavours. May I suggest you try ube, avocado, buko lychee and almonds n chips. You’re missing half of your life if you haven’t tasted those.

Omnipresent is my all time favourite, cookies and cream. I love it so much that sometimes I squeal for no reason when I eat it. Oh, and I’ve got a new hobby – digging the cookies out of the cream. The best thing about Arce Dairy cookies and cream ice cream is that it literally has whole cookies!

2. The Harry Potter Series

So yeah now I’m starting to read Half Blood Prince out of boredom. I loved the Harry Potter series - it’s great compared to the popular crap now like Twilight - but I stopped reading after the fourth book because I always got spoiled before I could read the new releases and then I couldn’t bring myself to read them anymore because I was so disappointed about what I learned was going to happen. Knowing that Fred is going to die (separating twins has got to be a mortal sin) and Sirius is not going to make a comeback (and seriously what kind of shallow death is that, it’s like he just fell ass-first into a hole or something) just literally broke my heart.

Oh, and my greatest disappointment? Hermione and Ron ending up together! I mean this is just me but best friends ending up together is just so wrong in so many levels. Why couldn’t she have ended up with Viktor Krum or that Cormac guy or… I don’t know, Oliver Wood or Dean Thomas or Neville Longbottom or Draco Malfoy for Christ’s sake. If it had to be a Weasley couldn’t it have been Percy or George?

And again, that’s just me.

3. That guy in the Cotton Tales section.

So every now and then I watch TV, watch DVD’s on 820 and watch DotA replays. This certain replay which has Vigoss, DeMoN and eight other guys I don’t know or care about was just so... gawd, the only two words to describe it are ‘DotA orgasm’. And I say that channelling Rachel Zoe in her full ‘fashion orgasm’ glory.

I usually watch replays at 2x speed but this one I had to watch at 1x and at times even 1/2x speed because Vigoss just went crazy. He’d literally just TP in one second and I don’t even know what happens but the next second he’s got a kill. Guy went baller Lina 25-3 and had like a dozen assists. As always he rolled hard ganker so at that rate he spent half of the game practically handing out kills to their carry. Plus, two of his three deaths could have been avoided if he just went home after surviving team fights, but no, because he’s Vigoss he had to go out there with 90hp and blow his face off.

That’s it, I will have to marry this guy for my own sanity.

4. My Mum and Dad fighting over… Tumblebugs.

So I take a nap around 4pm and I wake up two hours later because from my room I could hear my Mum and Dad arguing in front of a laptop while playing Tumblebugs. It’s a game that’s like a really cute version of Zuma.

Mum says “Ayun oh! Dun! Ang bagal mo kasing mag-click ng mouse!”

And Dad replies “Wag kaming maingay hindi ako makapag-concentrate!”

It’s un-freakin-believable.

Say Hello to 820

2011-10-02T16:34:00.000+08:00

This is the newest member of our PC family, 820. He’s an Acer 4750G which my folks got just in time to cheer me up a bit after losing my job. His 14-inch screen is a bit too small for my liking (I told you, I like big things ^_^) and I’m not exactly a big fan of his audio, but when you’re given something for free you just shut it and say thanks.

His full name (and the name which appears in the user account) is actually EH.GIGABYTE.820. I named him after EHOME’s legendary DotA captain who recently retired from playing competitive DotA. You might ask why I didn’t name him Vigoss since I am basically all about that guy, but I promised myself that I will name the first car that I (and not my Dad) will buy Vigoss. I thought about naming him MYM.RaZeR.Maelk after MYM’s team captain but Maelk and MYM in general doesn’t use Lina as much as EHOME so yeah.

Unfortunately because 820 is an Acer, Rafael remains to be the odd-charger-out among the four laptops we have at home, which means that I still don’t have anyone to borrow a spare charger from so if anything happens to Rafael’s charger again, I’ll have to buy another charger. And I’ve bought like four or five chargers since I got Rafael during my first year in college.

So far I like 820 mostly because I can play Purble Place with him. (Rafael doesn’t have Purble Place since I had him downgraded to XP when I got him.) I like Purble Place. If you think it’s a joke, try playing the advance level of Comfy Cakes. It’s driving me nuts.

Still, if you ask me who the best laptop in the world is, my answer would be Rafael. ^_^

Alam Na.

2011-09-22T15:20:00.002+08:00

Sa buong buhay ko, ikaw lang ang ginusto - hindi, minahal - ko ng ganito.

Sabi nila pera mo lang daw ang habol ko. Siguro nga. Pero alam ko naman sa sarili ko na ang totoong dahilan kung bakit ginusto kita ay dahil binigyan mo ako ng direksyon sa buhay. Hindi ako natakot sa pwedeng mangyari sa hinaharap dahil alam ko na magkasama tayo at hindi mo ako pababayaan. Akala ko talaga tayo na hanggang sa huli, pero ayun nga, hindi pala.

Ngayon sinusubukan kong maghanap ng katulad mo, pero habang tumatagal lalo lang akong nakukumbinsi na wala na akong makikita pa na tatalo sayo. E ano naman ngayon kung hindi ikaw ang pinakamagaling. Ikaw pa rin ang pinakamagandang bagay na nangyari sa buhay ko, at habang-buhay kong pagsisisihan na pinakawalan kita.

Hindi ko na mababalik ang oras para itama ang mga mali ko. Pero kahit ano ang mangyari, sana alam mo na sayo parin ang puso ko, at wala na akong mamahalin pa katulad ng pagmamahal ko sayo.

To Fat Kid :P

2011-09-19T17:12:00.000+08:00

This is my sister. She has been Dei-Dei or Dei to us forever, but lately I've been calling her Fat Kid because she now weighs the heaviest in my family. :P

We look nothing alike and rarely share similar tastes but we get along really well. We do a lot of stuff together and enjoy spending time with each other.

No matter what happens we always have each other's backs because that's what sisters who are also best friends do. ^_^

I don't remember asking God for a sister but on this day nineteen years ago He gave me one anyway. I guess it just goes to show that God knows what's best for all of us. ^_^

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAT KID!

Not Another Emo Post

2011-09-15T18:51:00.000+08:00

Because I’m no longer working (for now) I finally have some free time again and because I’m done with watching Supernatural Seasons 1-6, Two and a Half Men Seasons 1-7, Burn Notice Seasons 1-3, Leverage Seasons 1-3, 6 CD’s worth of documentaries about lions and 1 GB worth of DotA replays (I’m not kidding) I decided to post another blog entry even though I just posted one yesterday. :P

This one was supposed to be titled ‘It’s Gonna Hurt Bad Before It Gets Better’ after Keith Urban’s Tonight I Wanna Cry (Chris Richardson has a really awesome version too! ^_^) but I decided that I don’t want it to sound too emo. So yeah…

1. Hurting Bad: BSP, BDO, Chinabank, Deutsche Bank, Nielsen, Reuters, Nissin, Ayala Land, Seaoil. Like if all these were job offers I’d be extremely happy, but they’re just interviews and interviews don’t get people paid. (Seaoil question during the interview: Are you willing to be a pump attendant? @_@)

Getting Better: Er I dunno. I had an ECG last week for those supposedly stress-related chest pains I was having when I was still with BPI. Thing is, they still happen even now that I’m no longer with BPI. I think I’m more stressed now because I am UNEMPLOYED.

2. Hurting Bad: I know I’ve been telling people that I’m okay now and all and really, I am compared to the mess that I was a week ago. But I won’t deny the fact that there are still times when out of the blue I feel so sad and sometimes I even cry. What can I say, turns out I love BPI more than I thought I did.

Getting Better: Well I just think that I still have my Uno Trenta friends even though I am technically no longer part of Uno Trenta. And even though I miss getting paid a fat salary every two weeks, it’s not as if I’m gonna be hungry or go homeless if I stay unemployed for, say, the next two months.

3. Hurting Bad: GGnet (yes, I support GGnet) does not even win one match in The International, MYM disbands because apparently DotA is not part of some of its players’ ‘real lives’ (Dude, you’re professional DotA players who get paid to play, DotA IS your REAL LIFE) and now 820, who has been called god of Lina retires from playing for EHOME so he could coach World Elite with 2009. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Getting Better: For GGnet, no unless they pick up what came out of MYM. For MYM, they’re getting Scythe SG to play under their banner and hats off to Scythe SG (but lets face it, MYM.RaZeR followed by any other words other than ‘Maelk (Captain)’ is not MYM at all.) For EHOME, I will watch you as long as 357 continues to play Lina.

The only real good news is Vigoss being with m5, but m5 just got disqualified from HFGL for being pasaway so its not exactly good news, eh?

4. Hurting Bad: The pro DotA circle is a mess and my own DotA circle isn’t any better. Guys, I just wanted to play a fun game once again and maybe show you a bit of things I’ve picked up after watching replay after replay after replay of m5.vigoss, m5.Dread, EH.GIGABYTE.820, EH.GIGABYTE.357, LGD.benz.SGTY, aka all the guys who consistently use Lina. Is that so hard?

Getting Better: So to the guy who likes to shout ‘Push, mga Kapuso, push!’ and the guy who likes to sing ‘Puck the magic dragon’ in-game… you know what I wanna say. Please keep the fists away and let’s just have more fun games like the old times. I promise not to KS so much now.

5. Hurting Bad: Demian Maia loses decision to Mark Munoz and Dan Hardy hits 4th straight loss after a submission courtesy of Lights Out Lytle. What is happening to my favourite fighters? Are we cursed altogether? Again, whyyyyyyyyyyy?

Getting Better: Well at least Maia is still in the middleweight chart and UFC didn’t fire Hardy. Just please don’t tell me that GSP will lose to Carlos Condit because I will die.

So yeah, that about wraps it up. Wish me and my heroes luck, friends, because as Kuroky said, “I really need it right now.”

Weirdest/Funniest/MostAmazing/MostFulfilling Thing Ever

2011-09-14T12:45:00.000+08:00

So this morning I was at the train station waiting for a train (syempre alangan namang maghintay ako ng barko sa MRT) and this girl beside me was surfing the net with her phone and guess what, she was reading something that Jin (well in real life, I) wrote! It was the weirdest, funniest, most amazing, most fulfilling thing ever. ^_^ I like wanted to 'kalbit' (how do you say that in English? Poke sounds wrong.) her and say "Hey, it's me Jin, I wrote that!" but I restrained myself because that would be too weird, even for me.

Anyway I checked my mail today and there's a new comment and the flag in the sender's account is the Philippines so I'm assuming its her. I sent a reply saying I think I saw her at the MRT this morning. Let's see what she replies! ^_^

:')

2011-09-09T17:26:00.002+08:00

Third day out of BPI.
Second day of counseling with mum's psychologist.
First day I didn't cry one single time in twelve hours.

Someday...someday...

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ^_^

2011-08-31T20:57:00.000+08:00

Guess who the newest member of M5 is. ^_^

PeraPeraPera

2011-08-14T11:27:00.000+08:00

Last Friday someone deposited three hundred grand cash at the low counter where I was observing. (In banks, high counter means the tellers, where people usually transact money while low counter means the customer service section, where people open accounts, have checks made and process foreign exchange. However, when there's a lot of people queued in the high counter, the low counter can serve as tellers too.)

Now three hundred thousand pesos sounds like a lot of money when you hear it (actually, three hundred thousand pesos IS a lot of money, I could buy a decent early 2000's Honda Civic or pay for the rest of my sister's college tuition fee with that). But I learned that in reality it's just three bundles of one thousand bills that you can hold even in just one hand. That moment three hundred thousand seemed so trivial. In fact the rest of the day I just played with the money, practicing how to count bills the way tellers do (fast and with that distinct swish-swish sound ^_^). It was as if they were just cards that I shuffled and reshuffled when I wanted to.

And so I realized that for all the fuss about money and never having enough of it, it's really just pieces of colored paper. Maybe I need to re-evaluate my priorities after all.

Really Weird Dream

2011-07-31T22:46:00.000+08:00

Last night I had this really weird dream. It was so weird in so many different levels that I felt really foolish after I woke up. Lemme break it down for you.

1. My dream was in French. The whole thing was in motherfucking (...meretabernac?...) French. I spoke French, I thought in French and I understood French perfectly. The thing is, I don't know how to speak French at all. Granted I have a whole playlist of French rap songs thanks to GSP's awesome entrance themes, but I don't understand any of them anyway. I tried to listen to Le Homme de Abbatre again after I woke up, trying to see if I could understand any of the lyrics since I understood Francois flawlessly in my dream, but nope, nothing registered.

2. Speaking of GSP. GSP was in my house. Or at least, a house that I think is mine in my dream. It wasn't the house that I live in now, AKA my parents' house, but I really felt that safe and comfortable feeling that you never get to feel elsewhere except your home. Plus at one part of my dream I cleaned it up, and why would I clean a house up if it wasn't mine? It was a nice house anyway, and the nicest thing about it was that as I said, GSP was in it.

3. The next thing is... er, how do we say this... I was going to have GSP's kid. This was really a WTF thing even in my dream. Some French doctor was in my house and told me (again, in French) that I had a bun in the oven courtesy of GSP. I don't know how he knows that it's GSP's (I mean, my dream didn't show even a slight hint of me banging GSP, though that might be something I'd look forward to dreaming about) but GSP didn't seem to object to anything that Dr. Frenchy said. (In fact he took it all in stride; he was too busy working out) I don't know if I was married to GSP or if I was just a one-night stand gone wrong, but I hope we weren't married. That way I can chase after Dan Hardy. On second thought, even if GSP and I were married, I'd just cheat with Dan. :P

4. I was not happy to be with GSP or have his kid. Now this part really baffles me. How can I not be happy to be with GSP and have his kid (which subsequently means that at one point in time I fucked him)? I can't even count the times I've said that GSP has the most beautiful blue eyes in the world. I can seriously spend the rest of my life just staring at them. Maybe this just demonstrates how much I dislike kids. The fact that I'm its mom and GSP is its dad doesn't even make things any better for me.

5. I don't remember how my dream ended! Seriously. The last thing I remember from my dream is that I laid down on my bed to sleep, and my last thought was that I was not feeling good about being with GSP and having his kid, which as I said baffles me. (In real life If I saw GSP I might kidnap him and keep him in my basement forever XD) I don't know what happened next. What I do remember is waking up feeling like I'm about to freeze to death. I felt so cold that I stood up and turned the aircon off.

Hmmm, I wonder what Imma dream about tonight. ^_^

Hmmm.

2011-07-24T14:39:00.001+08:00

This is my Dad. (And that is my hand. ^_^) He will turn fifty (I think) in July 31. Now that I have a job and some money, I'm wondering what I should buy him.

At first I thought about getting him more badminton stuff or maybe treating him to a nice grill (he loves baby back ribs), but this morning when I woke up he and Mum were arguing about his blood test results again. Apparently his sugar, cholesterol and triglycerides levels are off the charts but then again, what's new. If his test results returned normal, that would be new.

I'm pretty sure my mom would include me in the scolding if I get Daddy-yo another racket ("Nagbabadminton ka nga nababawi naman ang pinapawis mo kase kain kayo ng kain sa labas pagkatapos!") or treat him some nice juicy ribs ("Mataba yan, dapat sayo mag fish at gulay ka nalang!") so now I'm thinking maybe I should get him a box of Lipitor and Diamicron. ^_^ Pero parang super corny naman, magreregalo ako ng gamot.

To All Of You Who Will Never Read This

2011-07-17T19:18:00.000+08:00

Jin, where are you?

The truth is, I don't know why I'm even writing about this here, in PISTORI, in my personal blog. You do know me, but you know me as Jin and you don't know me as Nic so you don't know PISTORI and you're never going to read what I write here anyway.

Hi. It's been a really long time since you last updated but I'm hoping that you still drop by sometimes and that you'll still get to read this. I just wanna say that you're an awesome writer and I hope you can get around to writing again when you have some free time.

It's been almost three years - two years and eight months to be exact - since I last set foot (technically, logged-in) in that community. But you're right - I still drop by my profile page and open my email address for my account ocassionaly, which is how I know that you guys never really stopped reading the stuff I wrote and making comments about them and sending PM's to me.

This is too beautiful to leave like this. Come back and update or I will eat your spleen.

I never reply to any of your messages anymore though, something I used to do immediately and with so much enthusiasm. These days I just feel guilty when you ask where have I been, when am I coming back, what will happen to the stuff I began but never got to finish.

Way to go with the plucking of heartstrings and what-not. I feel like I have to go do something to re-assert my manliness now. What are these strange feelings inside? Bitter, yet somehow sweet at the same time. Is there a word for that? Are these tears, am I the one who's crying? Perhaps I'll go shoot small animals or something...yes that will help.

I enjoyed my time with you, not only because of all the good things you so generously said about me but more because I really loved writing and I was glad to have people appreicate it with me. I will always be thankful for your kindness and I will always remember all of you as dear friends - but I guess I can never really be the Jin you knew. I was the writer before, but then I had to be the college student, and now I have to become the banker.

So to all of you who will never read this, thank you and I'm sorry. Maybe we'll see each other again someday.

Because saying I love you

2011-07-11T19:49:00.001+08:00

has nothing to do with meaning it.

***

On an unrelated note, which turns out to be longer than the main post itself, there are 60 new messages in my email inbox today from various strangers around the world. I'm gonna make a longer, more detailed post about this soon, but I just hafta say it - I miss anonymous community writing.

And it scares me

2011-07-06T22:52:00.000+08:00

because the last time someone offered me his hand, I didn't take it, but this morning when you reached out with an open palm, I did.

5 Things I Miss About College

2011-07-04T20:32:00.001+08:00

1. Walang pasok pag Monday so I can go back to QC on Tuesday morning. My head has still not absorbed the fact that I have to sleep early during Sundays now.

2. OK lang ma-late sa class. Ngayong may log-in na, 8.30 is 8.30 and 8.31 is late so I really have to make an effort to be on time, unlike dati na pakapalan lang ng mukha.

3. German (and more) cuts. No more cutting classes pag tinatamad - in fact, no more cutting classes at all. E kase naman, saan ako pupunta if I cut my classes? Sa CR?

4. Regular casual clothes. The corporate shiz looks good, but nothing beats that laid-back feeling of wearing a shirt, shorts and a pair of flip flops. Plus, mas madaling maglakad pag di naka heels ano.

5. DOTA. (Till 2am, special mention of Archer singing "...Puck the magic dragon...")

I like money and earning it, but I swear, I won't hesitate to give up one month's salary for another month as a college student in UP Diliman, with Econ 141 and all the misery that comes with it. But oh, well, life goes on.

Holy Shit.

2011-06-28T22:41:00.001+08:00

By some sick twist of fate, I'm keeping my current job and I did not have to kiss anyone's ass or whatever other part of the human anatomy to keep myself from getting laid off. ^_^ Whew!

First | Freeze | Fun

2011-06-26T21:15:00.006+08:00

Today I got my first and last salary from BPI for the fifteen glorious days I spent trying to be what I apparently am not meant to be.

The figure looks HUGE because they threw in a couple of bonuses and allowances, but since those bonuses and allowances are for the months of June to December, I have to return 5/6 of them. By my calculations, which my Accounting Exam has proven yet again to be inaccurate 90% of the time, I’m gonna be left with only around 16K net. Still, not bad for three weeks.

This experience has made me realize one thing. It feels good to have your own money. You don’t even have to be able to spend it, just seeing the figures and knowing that you earned it and it’s all yours makes you feel good. I went back to the ATM like eight times today just to see my balance, that’s how great it feels.

I like having money. And I promise that when I have my next job, I’ll do my best to always have a lot of it. All the time. ^_^

***

It takes a lot to make me look away
And that’s what you do when you look back at me.
It takes a lot to make me fumble
And that’s what you do when you chat me up about NBA.
It takes a lot to make me mumble
And that’s what you do when you ask me about MMA.
It takes a lot to make me nervous
And that’s what you do when you sit beside me.
It takes a lot to make me keep quiet
And that’s what you do when you walk next to me.

You can’t make me freeze.

But that’s what you did when you put your arm around my shoulders.

***

So far, I’ve taken losing my first and probably most promising job ever, in stride. I laugh about it, joke about it, even look like I know things are going to be fine, but the truth is I am so disgusted with myself that a lot of times I feel like throwing up. Sometimes I even do.

And you know what I do to make myself feel better when my life sucks so bad? I take every inch of consolation that I can from this.

GSP is not impressed

To the Birthday Boy

2011-06-18T20:16:00.001+08:00

I didn’t have time to scribble down a note before I gave you your gift bilang kayo nina Lawi and Archer ang sumalubong sakin kalabas ko sa Blue Magic. :P So I decided to blog this nalang. ^_^

Happy Birthday. Thank you for being a good friend to me even when I have not always been a good one to you. I have many quirks that make me difficult to deal with, not to mention the fact that I have this habit of pushing people away, but you are one of those friends who never left even when I tried to shove them out. Even after all the not-so-good things I said and did to you, you were still the one who always invited me to dinners and dota games and EBS’s and everything else. I will always be here for you the same way you have always been there for me.

I gave you a pillow for symbolic reasons that no longer need discussing. O yan ha, quits na tayo. But all kidding aside, I know that despite everything that happened, we’re in a better place right now, and things can only get better from here.

P.S. The pillow’s name is Chokey. I named him after Lebron. ^_^

Bye Bye

2011-06-15T22:25:00.000+08:00

I did not expect it to be over so soon, but my stint as a management trainee at BPI has come to an end. Thank you to the wonderful people who have made the last month so special. This job may not be for me but I will always have you guys in mind and at heart. :(

According to KD35

2011-05-26T09:02:00.000+08:00

"He approaches his game as all about business, all about trying to win, all about playing well. That’s what I try to do. I just want to play well for my team and for myself and just try to get better. That’s what type of player Dirk is. He’s never the type of guy that’s flashy with it. He just goes out there and plays, gets it done. That’s the type of player I try to be.”

And that's why even though he will likely never get to hold a championship trophy, he's still my favorite player. ^_^

Medical Exam Fails and More

2011-05-20T22:50:00.000+08:00

Today I had my medical exam. It was one of the worst days of my life.

1. The lab needed to draw my blood for testing. I hate being injected with needles, and worse, I have ridiculously deep seated veins. The nurses couldn’t find my veins in either arms and had to call on a doctor to do it. Now the area where blood was drawn out is bruising and hurts like hell.

2. The lab also needed a ‘fresh’ stool sample but my digestive system wouldn’t hear of it. I sat down on the toilet for nearly five hours but got zilch. Can you imagine how horrible an unfruitful five-hour wait for poop is? Now I have to go back to the lab tomorrow TO POO. Hooray for me.

3. The lab also needed a ‘secure’ urine sample for drug testing. When I got into the room where I was supposed to pee, the waterless urinal had creamy/foamy whitish icky stuff all over it! You have got to be kidding me. I had maintenance clean it up before I used it but it still felt yucky.

4. On the X-ray waiting area, I had a really annoying seat mate. He wouldn’t stop talking about how amazing he said he was because – get this – he got hired at a call center the same day he applied. He didn’t shut up until he got called for his X-ray. Oh, the agony.

***

Well, since we’re talking about fails, a lot of my ‘friends’ are surely happy that the Mavs lost today. The first quarter was good but after that everything just went downhill. As I said in my last entry, this is what happens when the Mavs’ offense don’t work – they have such pathetic defense that they’re easily overwhelmed. And seriously, someone needs to teach Tyson Chandler how to alley-oop and Peja Stojakovic how to fucking guard somebody. Watching them made me so miserable.

Not to take anything away from KD3 and his team, of course, because they did play a lot better at Game 2. In you face to all those writers who after game 1 said Dirk was unguardable. Well, now we know he totally is. You just need two big guys to double-team him so he passes the ball to the perimeter shooters who didn’t happen to exist today. JJ and Jet, where the hell are you?

Honestly, I’m not gonna be surprised if the Mavs lose this series. Wins on the road are crucial because teams generally win at home during play-offs. Oh well. They’ve had a good run, but all good things are bound to end.

***

My sister is a lot like my friends. Meaning, she always pokes fun at Dirk simply because he’s my favourite player. This morning we watched Game 2 together, and at one part a commentator remarked that the Mavericks “is basically playing for Dirk Nowitzki. They’re just helping him get the championship he’s worked so hard for.”

I was at the verge of tears. In all fairness, this Mavs team has really been supportive of Dirk, who has spent 13 years in the NBA and has yet to claim a championship title. As Sekou Smith said, Dirk could have followed KG and King James’ footsteps and left Dallas to join a ‘championship’ team, but he stayed when he had every reason to leave. :’( I just love that guy to death.

My sister, however, did not share my sentiments. She just shook her head while saying “Hmf, playing for Dirk. Mga bading!”

Ipahintulot mong ako'y mapahandusay

2011-05-18T22:03:00.000+08:00

…sa sumasaibayong kaginhawaan.

***

Until two weeks ago, I had never imagined myself becoming a banker. I dunno, finance isn’t really among my interests given how badly I suck at numerical stuff. But a banking job is supposed to be relatively financially rewarding and my parents cannot be less vocal about how they want me to pursue that career. So here I am, eighteen hours away from signing the job offer to become a member of BPI’s Officership Training Program for 2011.

OTP is basically a management trainee program – you undergo eight months of training, after which you become at least a bank officer if not an assistant manager. Each year more than a hundred applicants go through four interviews and two exams to qualify for the program, but only a handful make the cut. BPI’s OTP is supposed to be one of the best management trainee programs in the banking industry, and the salary is competitive as well; while it’s nowhere near HSBC’s 35K, it’s higher than the 21K salary from my first job offer made by another local bank.

All in all, OTP is a great opportunity. It’s just that deep inside, I’m not sure if this is the life I want for myself. My mouth cashed so many checks during my interviews, and even though I have no doubt that my head and my hands can cash them, I don’t know if this is where my heart truly is. I have never liked numbers. I can deal with them by being industrious, but I don’t enjoy them at all. Haha, to put it simply, I am not Gboi. ^_^

I ask myself where my heart really is, and whenever I answer ‘writing’ or ‘NBA’, ‘MMA’, ‘DotA’ or ‘big cat conservation’, I have to swallow. Unfortunately for me, I wasn’t born an Ayala or a Sy. I can’t be a professional blogger, sports fan or wildlife conservationist. I have to think of my financial stability and my responsibilities for my family first. When I have enough money to not care about money, maybe that’s when I can start chasing my real dreams.

For now, I have to keep in mind the words that have kept me going for the last three years. I can’t always do what makes me happy, but I should always do what is rational. I didn’t like Econ but I managed to graduate with honors, and that’s what I am going to do with my banking career.

***

On a lighter note, the Mavs won Game 1 against OKC this morning. Dirk was even more terrific than usual, setting a new record for most consecutive free throws during a playoff game (23, formerly 21 by Paul Pierce). JJ Barea showed how hard he can drive to the basket (that little guy is fearless!) and Jason Terry crowned himself king of downtown.

However, it was alarming to see how bad the Mavs’ defense was, and how the team actually doesn’t have a player to legitimately match with Russell Westbrook. The Mavs only did great this game because their offense was working, but if they hit a rough offensive patch, Westbrook can destroy them single-handedly like Wade did. Er, I actually have a bad feeling about this.

To That Boy

2011-05-17T14:11:00.000+08:00

We haven't spoken to each other in two years, but I guess I never really forgot you. In fact, I always remember you. You have been written about at least five separate times in this blog, and numerous little things that happen every day remind me of you. In fact, I'm writing this because we had pan de sal and chocolate for breakfast this morning, and back when we were still getting to know each other you told me that pan de sal and chocolate is your usual breakfast.

Sometimes out of the blue, I think about you. Usually it's the bad things that I remember though. Like how angry I was at you after that night in Fontana for being the first guy to ever make me cry. How angry you were at me when I defended Migs instead of taking your side after you told me that you despise him. (Go, Baskal!) How pissed off you were when I snubbed you for three weeks because one of my best friends told me that she likes you. How pissed off I was when you called me 'weird' simply because I didn't like the song High, which was like the national anthem of the Philippines back then.

But that doesn't mean that I don't remember the good things. How you played the '31 missed calls' move when you wanted to make me laugh. How nice your hair smells in the morning. How you'd go on your nutritionist mode whenever we ate together. How we'd exchange Blue Quills and Siuala's just so I could rub in your face how much my school is better than yours. How we'd discuss Yu-Gi-Oh strategies. How we used to just sit down and try to imagine what the people who pass us by's stories are. How we laughed when we saw a flock of black birds and I called them 'scare crows'. And most of all, how you'd draw for me.

You will always be the first guy I cared for that way, and even though you may never read this blog, I'm sure you know how important you were - will always be - to me. Sometimes I wonder if there was anything I could have done different. Maybe I could have been less bitchy when we still talked to each other. When I lost my phone, maybe I should have made an effort to get your number again, the way I did with Lance. Still, I believe that everything will work out for the best.

And I will never forget our last conversation.

"Hey, it's Neic."

"Hey! Ang tagal na kitang di nakakausap. How are you?"

"I'm good. I actually wanted to ask a favor. I'm doing a 20-page newsletter for my Psych 108 class. Ok lang ba gamitin yung editorial cartoon mo from the August 2007 issue of Siuala?"

"Give me your topic nalang and I'll draw a new one for you. :)"

"Wag na, I don't want to waste your time. I'll just use the old one."

"It's okay, wala naman akong ginagawa. I jst had my finals last week, not doing anything else. And I really want to do it for you."

"Er, okay then. The topic is nationalism. Super thanks."

"Welcome. Neic?"

"Yeah?"

"Aitai."

MaxLawiIanGboiMarkJeff

2011-05-08T13:07:00.001+08:00

So we went to Cavite yesterday and I forgot about my phone all morning because as everyone in my family knows, Auntie Lik doesn't hold anything back with her cuisine when we're there. :) However, when I finally remembered Georges (Yes, my current phone is named after gorgeous Georges St-Pierre, though a lot of times I wish I named him Cas after Supernatural's Castiel), there were eleven unread messages, and half of them were about the same topic.

Max: One game closer to one thousand pesos. ;)

Lawi: ZOMG

Ian: 0-3! woot woot!

Gboi: Nic, 0-3 na Mavs. x2ha panalo na cla nyan.

Mark: Dana. 0-3 na!

Jeff: I don't freakin believe it.

***

So it's 0-3 now, and though I'm as astounded as everyone else that Dallas looks like they're actually gonna be able to pull this off, I'm still not counting the Lakers out.

First, no NBA team has ever gotten out of a 0-3 rut, true, but if there's a team that would be the first one to do so, the Lakers are on top of my list. Whatever happens, they have Phil Jackson and Kobe Bryant, and those two are capable of doing the most impossible things on earth because they're that GREAT. In defense of LA's last loss, they didn't have two of their big men - Ron Artest, who was suspended for whacking poor little JJ Barrea in Game 2, and Pau Gasol, who seems to currently be having an out of the body (or out of the mind) experience.

Second, Dallas does have that annoying habit of blowing off big-lead games. No one needs further examples.

Still, I won't be complaining if the Mas end up winning. :)

I Love This Game. :)

2011-05-05T18:29:00.003+08:00

Sekou Smith is quickly becoming one of my favourite NBA writers. This week he dished ‘The Other Main Event’, where he basically explains why although Celtics vs Heat has the limelight now, we mustn’t forget the West Conference, where what Smith describes as an equally interesting match-up is taking place: Dirk Nowitzki vs. Pau Gasol for Best Tender European Seven Footer. If I were the average NBA fan I won’t really care, but because I’m a die-hard Dirk Nowitzki fan, I care like it means the world. ^_^

Smith posted the following poll:

The results of which I had to have a hand in, of course!

And I swear I did not vote more than 2,000 times. :)

***

However, it was the comments that drove me crazy. I swear, these guys are even crazier than the guys at VFDC and Sherdog, but they do make sense:

Gary says: Pau will own Dirk because his length forces Dirk to drive then Bynum will block or alter the shot.

rene mirambil says: bakit pag aari ba ni pau si dirk?

HeatRing2012 says: @gary: yeah – just like LeMarcus Aldridge with his length “owned” Dirk – right? For your info: LMA is a much better Dirk defender than Gasol is.

Benjamin Ladha says: Exactly Gary, Dirk and that jump shot cannot be stopped. He will shoot and score over a bigger or smaller guy. Plus no one will force Dirk to drive except Dirk. He settles for that jumper almost everytime- because he chooses to and because it cannot be stopped. He is like Kobe in that respect- that fallaway is unstoppable. I have to ask have you ever watched him play? Either a Laker fan or a Mav/Dirk hater

L337 says: Dirk is a Lone Star. Pau has Kobe. And in case you didnt know. Dirk is 1 out of 4 players in NBA history to average 25 ppg 10rpg in the course of his career but never he has been credited. I don’t know why, Cause he’s that good. I give this one to Dirk.

LAKERFAN_88 says: PLAYER ADVANTAGE: DIRK. TEAM ADVANTAGE: LAKERS!!!

kulangot says: Dirk Nowitzki is a basketball genius he will find ways to score…Im sure Lakers will have tough defense on him but dont forget he has average 10+ free throw attempts vs Portland every game.The problem now of Dallas is how to match Bynum.

Kenny says: They look like brothers! HAHA

kier says: well, different player with different team….offensively Dirk is better than Pau.. defensively Pau is way better than dirk… but Pau has better teamates than dirk…….and…………… thats the story of the game…^ ^

***

As I said, even if I love the Mavs to death, I just can’t realistically see them getting past the Lakers. I actually bet one grand for the Lakers in 6, although that move is kind of a psych on myself. If the Lakers win, I win because I bet on them. If the Mavs win, I still win because they’re my favourite team! ^_^

As Gboi said, it’s 2-0 now and WOW doesn’t even cover it. However, I’m not counting the Lakers out even a bit, given that they have Phil Jackson and Kobe Bryant, plus the Mavs to have a history of blowing off a 2-0 lead and dropping 4 straight.

***

I love this pic.

Dirk Nowitzki, no defense as usual (I mean, dude can’t even defend the ball). Ron Artest, I-Will-Die-To-Snatch-This-Ball-Away-From-Dirk-Nowitzki Mode. And most epic of all, Pau Gasol, self-demoted to observer status. :)

Wow. Just wow.

2011-05-01T11:59:00.001+08:00

So I just learned that the Grizzlies did manage to eliminate the Spurs at Game 6. Wow. I'm as blown away as the time when the Warriors upset the Mavs. I mean, who's in Memphis again?

You'd think that this loss would make me happy since the Spurs kind of have a rivalry with the Mavs, but no, the Spurs are actually my third favorite team after Dallas and LA. I adore Manu Ginobili way more than what people expect, I have all respect for Tim Duncan and Gregg Popovich, plus I did win a grand off Tony Parker's name.

No worries though, because San Antonio is a stable team with great carries and great supports (DotA?), their bench is one of the best in the league, plus their coach is basically an institution in the sport. Sometimes teams just hit the wrong patches when they least expect it. San Antonio will be back and I will be looking forward to it. ^_^

***

So it's really the Lakers and the Mavs in the second round, and as I pointed out in my earlier posts, even the utterly loyal Mavs fan in me can't see the colts getting past the yellows and purples. It's still fun to read match-up posts though, and imagine that Dallas has a chance. Sekou Smith points out a lot of things that made me think (and sometimes were even funny) in his write up for NBA.com.

"Dirk Nowitzki and Jason Terry have the battle scars from that failed trip to the 2006 NBA Finals on their bodies, but they are the only players on the roster leftover from that team that took a 2-0 lead over the Heat and then dropped four straight."

- While I really took it hard that Devin Harris, Jerry Stackhouse, Josh Howard and Avery Johnson had to be let go, I guess I didn't really realize that besides Dirk and Jason Terry, everyone else had to be let go.

"For all that Dirk Nowitzki has done in his future Hall of Fame career, he and Pau Gasol could start a support group for 7-foot Europeans knocked for being tender."

- I don't really know how to go about thise 'tender', 'no defense', 'not agressive enough' critic about tall Europeans. Personally, as long as Dirk does what he does best, which is scoring, I'm fine. While it's true that it's better if he could be both offensive and defensive, I guess we just have to accept the fact that not everyone is a Kobe Bryant or a Lebron James. And that's a good thing too, because I can't handle more than one Lebron James in the world. That'd be so sad.

"Marion won't be able to bully his way around the low block the way he did against the Blazers now that Artest will be in his face."

- I totally agree. However, Ron Artest isn't really a consistent player - I mean, like AK47 and Mehmet Okur, sometimes he does so great and sometimes he's just pathetic - unlike Bryant or Nash or James or Wade, each of who always has a hand in their team's victory. Crossing my fingers that Artest hits a 'pathetic' patch. ;p

"The Lakers have the edge in every category and they own home-court advantage."

- Well, there's just no other way to put that. I'm actually predicting a 4-2 or even 4-1 win for LAL this round. The truth is, I don't even care who wins the finals - just please, please, please don't let it be Heat.

***

This post is supposed to be about NBA, but as UFC 129 is happening as I write this, I decided to dabble a bit into MMA too. L-Mach finally broke his three-fight losing streak with an amazing Cro-cop like kick. Let's hope Dan Hardy breaks his 3-L streak soon as well.

Wow. I mean, that kick was mean and straight out of Karate Kid. Randy definitely saw it coming as he crouched seconds before the kick came, but Machida was just fast. And the way Machida dropped his hands right off the kick, he knew Couture wasn't getting back up.

Chickadees! ^_^

2011-04-30T23:56:00.000+08:00

Two chicks (as in baby chickens) mysteriously found their way into our backyard today. It's really weird because although we do have chickens roaming around at home, the chickens are all male. So where those two chicks came from is really a mystery.

I'm actually used to having 'farm animals' at home because we've always had them since I was a kid. See, my father's family has a farm and he feels a sort of attachment to farm animals. We actually had turkeys, ducks, goats and sheep once (but not all at the same time), but chickens are as staple as dogs to us, and they roam around as freely as our dogs (much to my father's delight and my mother's annoyance because they destroy her garden plants).

It actually isn't the first time that we're going to raise week-old chicks. When my sister was five, she saw a vendor peddling those colored-chicks (like Buddy Feps' Consuelo) and convinced my mom to buy her three chicks, which she named Alexander, Whitey and Jude respectively. We took care of the chicks - we housed them in our old bird cage (which used to contain four lovebirds I set free in the name of humanitarianism), gave them ground corn to eat and set them free once a day so they can roam around and exercise. At night we'd get the portable fluorescent bulb from my dad's shop and put it in their cage so they wouldn't get cold.

Alexander, Whitey and Jude all turned out to be male White Leghorns, and even though they looked all the same to me, my sister knew who was who. When they were too big for the cage we set them free in the backyard. They were already very tame then, so they really didn't give us a problem. The loved my sister a lot and they would come around and follow her every time she went out. Mind you, they all died of old age because we loved them too much to even consider eating them.

There was also that time when a friend of my dad's gave him a dozen 45 Days chicks as a gift for his coming birthday, saying he could cook them later. We raised those chicks the same way we raised Alexander, Whitey and Jude, but we didn't name them because when you have identical white chickens, names are pointless. When the week of my dad's birthday came my mom asked if he wanted the chickens slaughtered for meat, but my dad looked at her like she was crazy. He said that his day wasn't complete without seeing those twelve chickens roaming around. Those twelve nameless chickens also died natural deaths.

We haven't named the chicks yet because they're so young that we can't even tell if they're male or female, but I have a hunch that both are male. One has darker tufts than the other, (though based on experience, the color of the tufts doesn't necessarily indicate the color of the feathers later) but because we found the chicks together I'm assuming that they're brothers. So I'm thinking about naming them Sam and Dean from Supernatural, or Alan and Charlie from Two and a Half Men, or Carl and Thomas from Zoids, or Terrorblade and Magina from Dota, or Pau and Marc (Gasol! ^_^) from NBA, or even Vegeta and Tarble from Dragon Ball.

See, I like brothers. And chickens. ^_^

How Many Times Must My Heart Break For You

2011-04-25T20:34:00.000+08:00

In the end, I can only ask myself how many times my heart must break for this team.

Seriously, what kind of team leads the finals series 2-0 and ends up losing, or starts the playoffs as top seeds and proceeds to be eliminated by the last seeded team, or adds Jason Kidd and Shawn Marion to a roster that already has Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Terry, and JJ Barrea and comes up with nothing at all?

Or how about now. I was expecting the Mavs to get eliminated in the next round by the Lakers (I’m being realistic here), but I guess they won’t even get to see Phil Jackson’s kids because the Blazers look like they’re the ones who are gonna advance to the second round.

And seriously, I ask myself what kind of sane person would support a team that is this disappointing.

The loyal kind of fan. That’s what. And that’s what I am. That’s what I have been for the last nine years. And that’s what I will continue to be as long as this team has Dirk Nowitzki in its roster and has Mark Cuban as its owner.

Tomorrow, there’s gonna be a 3 in the scoreboard. It might be 3-2 or 2-3. In the future I might see a 3-3, and later a 2-4 or a 4-3 or a 3-4 or a 4-2. But whatever the numbers turn out to be, I know that only two digits will matter in the end.

41.

Go, Mavericks!

I don't know which is scarier.

2011-04-05T19:57:00.000+08:00

1. The fact that today is the deadline of grade submission for graduating students, it's almost 8pm and I still don't have a grade in Econ 141. Not that I'm still hoping that I'll actually pass the subject and graduate.

2. The fact that yesterday when I went to the mall with my cousin, I actually considered buying a five hundred peso men's magazine just because Georges Fucking St-Pierre was on the cover.

3. The fact that I dreamt about Axe the Mogul Khan and I woke up all sweaty. At this point, should anybody really be asking why?

You decide.

Libera ex Infernis

2011-03-31T19:05:00.002+08:00

It’s the emotional equivalent of looking at myself through layers of mirrors. I turn, try to find myself in the varying reflections, some tall and short and broken and twisted - but I catch nothing other than splayed flecks of motion. It’s hard to see anything when everything is moving so fast all at the same time. In chaos, an archangel said, thrives order.

Something breaks. Shards of glass take off to every direction, and one particularly sharp piece slices through the quasi-Romantic pretension that is the person you know as me. Do I wince, wail, cry? But I’m supposed to be good at pretension. No. I procrastinate. I wait for a few minutes, hours, days, and I justify the wasted time by writing – er, constructing a textual landscape.

The smile on my professor’s face when returns the essay is broad enough to rival that of Azgalor’s. “Brilliant!” He exclaims in a crazed, demented manner that is reminiscent of Tolkien’s Saruman. On my paper he wrote, ‘Exceptional review of Ilustrado!’. I, of course, have never even laid my eyes on that book, much less read it.

What was it that Crispin Salvador said? “Ezra Pound be damned. Poets lie, though beautifully. Don't make things new, make them whole.” But that is why things get broken, Jin argues inside my head. That way you can make them whole again. But Jin, I protest. You’re just a pen name I use to ship a particular silver-tongued Jashinist. You’re not real.

And then I have to wonder what else is not and has never been real. And then the inner turmoil begins again.

This is why I am broken. You made me believe that we took the journey of an arrow - shot far and true, never to return to the hostility we used to hoard for each other, but you deceived me and made the journey of a boomerang instead, edging away and then suddenly returning to the very same place you told me you have left. And for the first time, I am at loss as to where I home really is, and if I belong there at all. If I want to belong there at all.

I am scared. Of the future, yes, but more of the past and how it haunts the present. If it is of any consolation, I do feel sad right now. Maybe it confirms that I’m still tethered to home, even if only by its shadows and whatever experimental canvas of junctures you cared to paint for me.

“Be mature about it.” “Take it with maturity.” “Deal with it in a mature way.” Those are things Rex Dizon has told me too many times.

Maybe maturity is merely accepting the tally of all the finite and disappearing options of life. After all, love isn’t based on gratitude, and respect isn’t based on debt.

Kung sino man kayo.

2011-03-29T15:07:00.001+08:00

I just need to say this, because you have no idea how pissed off I really am right now.

***

Seriously ha. I'm not the nicest person around and I'm even openly bitchy so I get it if I don't hit some people the right way, and that's fine with me. Pero yung sabihin na I just act nice para masabi ng ibang tao na mabait ako, dude, that's just soooo low.

Bakit, pag may nakita ba kayong ibang tao na gumagawa ng 'nice' things, like helping people out, sinasabi niyo bang "Ay nagprepretend lang yan para masabi ng ibang tao na mabait siya"? O ako lang ang pinag-iisipan niyo ng ganyan because you know that you already don't like me anyway?

And in the first place, sino ba sa tingin ninyo yang mga 'tao' na gusto kong magsabi na mabait ako? You and your friends? You think I'd waste my time pretending to be nice para tawagin niyo akong mabait? Duh, I'm sorry to have to break it to you but the world does not revolve around you and what you think.

At ang kapal din ng mukha ninyo na sabihing ako ang nagpepretend na mabait. Ako, when I don't like someone or something that someone did, I say it and as much as possible I try to confront the people involved para mabigyan ko naman sila ng chance to explain. E kayo? Malalaman ko lang na you're talking behind my back from another person who doesn't have issues with me but whose perception of me is affected by the things you say.

Wala kayong sinasabing issue sa akin, and I didn't even think that I had an issue with anyone so ibig sabihin you've been pretending to be my friends all along, and then you talk behind my back. Sino sa atin ang nagpepretend na mabait? How dare you say it's me.

And mind you ha, this is not the first time someone apologized to me dahil nagpadala daw siya sa sinasabi ng ibang tao na masamang ugali ko kahit wala naman siyang nakikitang ganon sakin. I shrugged it off the first time kase inisip ko baka whoever said it did not mean to talk shit about me, baka observation or heat of the moment rant lang.

Pero surprise, surprise! Hanggang ngayon pala you talk shit about me, and I know that you really mean it.

Grabe lang. If you think what you are doing is right and you can stand by your actions, why do you need to hide it from me? It just means two things. You can't stand by your actions or you're just really a low life. Hmmm, siguro both.

I don't waste time pretending to be what I'm not to please other people kase sa totoo lang, I would rather please myself and that's what I do. If I'm nice to somebody, it's true. If I'm bitchy to somebody, it's also true. Hindi kase ako katulad niyo na plastic.

So kung sino man kayo, fuck you. I would say forget you nalang, kaya lang baka sabihin nyo na naman I'm pretending to be nice.

This is my 100th post

2011-03-27T17:12:00.000+08:00

and I would like it to be about thanking:

1. Rex Dizon, for convincing me to put up a blog

2. Everyone who has read, is reading, or will read my posts

3. Myself, for actually putting up with this.

Now please excuse me, I have to:

1. Mourn the loss of my beloved Dan Hardy

2. Watch Season 3 of Leverage

3. Oh, yeah, write a Polsc 177 (or is it 178?) reaction paper.

Tata everyone. ^_^

For the BMW in Red

2011-03-25T12:19:00.000+08:00

On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune
But I hear the voices say

***

Each sunrise that blooms, blossoms and bleeds out is a series of colors that change only with the order one joins the game. It’s sky blue if you join first, purple if second, yellow if third and finally orange if fourth. As far as she could remember, he has never created a game and thus claimed the color dark blue. Whether it’s because she always volunteers to create a game first or their chinky-eyed friend is too frustrated to wait for a game to be created whenever they lose so he creates it himself, she will never know.

Instead of each setting sun ghosting through the blue-orange skies with the promise of another laughter filled day the next time Apollo rises, it’s now a series of blog post representing a number with which he measures his days. She has noticed the change in the posts. When that number was relatively large, the posts (at least in the non-emo blog) were either relatively happy and in I-will-shrug-everything-off mode or romantic dabbles about who knows who, but now as the number fades away, the posts are more personal, more emotional.

She wonders if a day passes when he forgets to count.

***

It’s not the first time he skived off his classes (or what’s left of them) for the noise-splashed freedom of the tambayan. It’s become usual for her to arrive and find him there, drawing or scribbling or eating or drawing.

“Naayos mo na ba yung papers mo nyan?” she asks.
He shakes his head, replies that he doesn’t even want to think about it.
“Ignoring it won’t make it go away.” She replies as-a-matter-of-factly, rather insensitively.

Perhaps too insensitively. She has told him that his posts are poignant, but she has never told him that she feels sorry about his situation, not even shown a bit of sadness for him directly. Maybe a part of her, the one who doesn’t forgive easily, still sees him as the guy who snubbed her for so long due reasons unknown or don’t want to be known.

Unlike her though, he has always been forgiving. Now he acts like nothing happened. He talks to her freely without the slightest hint of caution, gives hear a heads up every time there’s dinner or an EBS, comforts her about her failing situation. The way she sees it, when he leaves, he wants her to be a good memory.

Sometimes she feels like she doesn’t deserve it.

***

‘Sorry’ is a word that sounds distastefully foreign on her tongue. She tries to mouth it every now and then but she can’t get used to the disjointed syllables jostling through her teeth. The word ‘sorry’ to her equates to images of mistakes and guilt, and JC Martin.

Peter is the name she gave that stuffed bear she received two Christmases ago. Everyone else calls it Ondoy because she left it near a window the weekend of Ondoy and it turned from a polar bear into a black bear. Peter slash Ondoy sits quietly with Bloobee, Carlos, Kirk, Tigger, Rufus, Christopher, Adrienne, Misha and the dozen other stuffed animals in a corner of her room.

Her mom asked last Christmas if she wanted to give Peter slash Ondoy away to charity. She shrugged mindfully and said no. And then for some reason she wondered whatever happened to Pokey, that pillow who came with Peter slash Ondoy.

As far as she can remember, she hasn’t said sorry for what she did to Pokey. Maybe one day, when ‘sorry’ doesn’t seem so exasperating, she finally will.

***

He says that they are close again. She’s not sure if she can agree. Then again, closeness has always been arbitrary.

These days she’s all about that pretty boy angel with the smexiest lips on heaven and on earth who is totally clueless about the dynamics of porn, or that German basketball player with the perfect set of teeth who is always so close but never really quite gets to the championship, or that French UFC welterweight champion with the most beautiful blue eyes who made it crystal clear that he is not impressed with your performance. If she’s not talking about them, she’s blogging about them. You’d think she doesn’t care enough to remember anything unrelated to the aforementioned men.

But she does. She remembers that PC game about cars, that freaky movie about genital anomalies, that day when Kamaru made a total idiot of himself.

And she just hopes that he didn’t miss that look in her eyes when out of the blue she bought him a plate of tacos last time.

With extra tomatoes.

***

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry…don't you cry no more

-Carry On My Wayward Son, Kansas
Supernatural Opening Theme

Just because I listened to this song over and over and over while writing this.

Officially Missing You

2011-03-24T09:28:00.000+08:00

This is me and my friends.

They are my first family in UP, and we are AWESOME!

We used to have dinner all the time.

And have coffee all the time.

And have sleepovers all the time.

Now we rarely get together to be complete.

I miss my friends. :(

Ganitong Oras Bukas

2011-03-21T15:31:00.000+08:00

Ganitong oras bukas, katatapos lang ng make or break exam ko sa Econ 141.

Hindi na ako papalag. I leave it all to the highest authority in the universe right now, Fidelina Carlos.

I don't know what I did wrong (well, I do, but that's beside the point), but I have cried a liter of tears (literally) and wasted almost P600 on prepaid credits calling my parents and bawling about my situation, and that has been enough. Sabi nga ni Dad, tanggapin kung ano ang mangyayari.

At dahil doon, ganitong oras bukas, wala na akong pakialam. I will shop like crazy, take on Joyzieh's 1v1 DotA challenge, post on every thread at Sherdog, stage a writing comeback for Jin, download every Castiel wallpaper in the net nad eat anything and everything that I want to.

Tomorrow I will be happy, and nobody will be able to take that away from me.

FUCK YOU, ECON 141.

These make me so happy :)

2011-03-18T13:00:00.000+08:00

This is what happens when you make an angel watch porn.

This is what happens when you tell him a figure of speech that they apparently don't use in heaven.

This is what happens when you make him pretend to be FBI.

This is what happens when you try to be sarcastic to him.

This is what happens when you tell him that lying is part of human nature.

This is what happens when you tell him not to make your brother feel left out.

And my personal favorite, this is what happens when you tell him that Heaven Express doesn't work well with humans.

ZOMG. Three posts in five days, all about the same subject. Not even Solis has made me do anything like this.

I am crazy about Castiel, with or without Dean!

Gah, who am I kidding. Every scene where Cas' cluelessness and Dean's impatience clash is priceless.

And indeed, cluelessness has never been SMEXIER! ^_^

Dutch Courage

2011-03-11T16:59:00.002+08:00

Many nights ago, something happened and something pissed me off. I wanted to rant but at the back of my mind I knew that I might regret the things I'd say (don't we always regret the things we say when we're pissed off?) so I decided to have a friend translate my rants into Dutch - that way, I would be able to rant and nobody would know what I'm talking about. Win-win situation. OR SO I THOUGHT.

However, a formerly-emo-but-now-more-sneaky-than-emo boy who watches the video 'How to Date an Otaku' (under the guise of teaching her how to play a certain RTS game) was so sneaky that he actually found a way to translate everything I said. He told me that he knew what the post meant and I dunno, for some reason I was terrified. Not that I'm ashamed of what I posted - maybe it was because nobody involved was supposed to understand it but it turned out that someone did figure it out.

Oh, and it gets better. Formerly-emo-but-now-more-sneaky-than-emo boy told formerly-emo-too-but-now-more-in-love-than-emo boy that he knew what the post meant, and so formerly-emo-too-but-now-more-in-love-than-emo boy tinkered with the post until he also got the message right.

I don't know why but my first reaction was to take the post down. As I said, maybe it's because my objective was to have nobody understand it, but now at least two people did. Unfortunately, Formerly-emo-but-now-more-sneaky-than-emo boy and and formerly-emo-too-but-now-more-in-love-than-emo boy were wise enough to save copies.

And now they think they have something that they can use against me, even just during joke times. Which they technically do.

And I do not hate the fact that they have an upper hand, but I hate the fact that I seem to be scared to let other people know what I feel, in this case... uh, pissed-offness? (I'm not really angry, I'm... pissed) I think that nobody should ever be scared to say what she feels (unless she develops feelings for Justin Bieber) because if you feel a certain way, then there must be a reason why, and as long as that reason makes sense, then the way you feel makes sense as well and you shouldn't be afraid to let other people know about it..

So here I am trying to drink in Dutch courage to stand up for everything that I just said in the former paragraph. And this time I don't need a friend to translate it.

I am not upset when people point out my mistakes. If I did commit those mistakes, which I did, I own up to it, which I did too, in front of everyone. What pisses (note present tense) me off is the fact that there are some people who make a big deal out of the mistakes that other people make, but completely turn a blind eye whenever their 'friends' are the ones who make mistakes. If non-friend is late, if non-friend did this wrong, if non-friend did not do this at all, they make a big fuss out of it. If friend is late, if friend did this wrong, if friend did not do this at all, they don't say anything AT ALL.

Again, I'm not angry that they told me what I did wrong. I made mistakes and I accept that, and I'm not upset that they point it out, especially since the event was the proper forum for it. Again, what I dislike is the way they choose to ignore the mistakes that their 'friends' commit. They have every week in the month to say something about it, but they don't. Or more appropriately, they never do. I don't even have to give clues about what those shortcomings are. Everybody feels what's missing.

I'm not angry at anyone. I'm pissed off about the way some people act, and now it's okay for me to have everyone know that. I'm not posting this to wage war on anyone. I'm just saying what I feel.

And now, I feel free.

Intermezzo

2011-03-10T00:05:00.001+08:00

Because apparently, Staccato is not enough and my blog can accommodate another post about this tall, blue, millean-neoliberal ‘stranger’ who is my justification to answering ‘yes’ to the question ‘Can you like and dislike someone at the same time?’

***

After everything she said about you barely a few weeks ago, she never imagined that your next meeting would be anything like this.

It was not even supposed to happen. She was supposed to have her class at PH 224, end of the story. But chance (not destiny, not fate, just pure chance) decided that today when she went to PH 224 after Ken’s treat the room would be empty and she’d have to go to FC; that Denesse would change her mind about her offer to accompany her to class; that she would walk to AS’s first floor alone.

That she would meet you on her way there.

You were on your way upstairs as she headed downstairs. She didn’t recognize you right away (did you have your hair cut recently?) but as you drew nearer and her eyes flicked at your direction, she realized that it was indeed you.

And she realized that even though you were talking to someone on the phone, you were definitely looking at her too.

It wouldn’t have mattered, until she suddenly remembered that although you had talked to her two times before (you talked to her, not you talked to each other, because she didn’t say anything back) the two of you have never been formally introduced to each other, so technically you were strangers.

And basically two strangers were staring at each other as one made her way downstairs and the other made his way upstairs, amidst the flecks of motion rushing to and from every direction called AS at 1pm. (And no, the world kept its regular axis, rotation and revolution - no slow motion moments.)

Awkward.

She quickly looked away, and from the corner of her eye she saw that you did exactly the same thing. She blames neither herself nor you; after all, indifference, or at least feigned indifference, is what a person’s reaction should be to strangers.

The only thing that annoyed her is the fact that for some reason that she herself can’t explain with even a single ounce of coherence, she just had to bring her eyes back on you again.

She was, for the lack of words, horrified to see that you had looked at her again too.

She looked away for the second time, feeling blood gush to her face. Why does she feel like she forgot to sign out before viewing a stranger’s page at Multiply and the stranger viewed her page back? She never even owned a Multiply account, for St-Pierre’s sake.

The only thing that annoyed her more is the fact that despite how awkward the situation already was, she couldn’t help herself from looking at you again.

And for the third time in about five seconds, you were looking right back at her.

She muttered an obscenity but could not keep an amused grin from taking over her indifferent façade. She didn’t know if you took it as her smiling at you in acknowledgement, but your free hand moved slowly, reluctantly into… will she take it as you waving at her in similar acknowledgement? (Nah, she won’t.)

She looked away from you for the last time just as the two of you finally walked past each other, she on her way downstairs and you on your way upstairs. This time, she kept her eyes on the ground until she saw Jaime Naval’s feet.

And for the second time in three weeks, you made her ears burn.

Everything is better with Glasses On

2011-03-07T00:14:00.000+08:00

Because I watched a replay of UFC 107 last weekend and I realized that although I have always rooted for Kenny Florian (heck, I named my badminton racket after him) because he has such a likeable personality (and he is one sick grappler), I have discovered that I find his brother Keith ridiculously HOT because Keith is basically Kenny with glasses.

And yes, if you must ask, the first thing I loved about Solis is that he played judo with his glasses on. ^_^

The Photo Post (for Archer)

2011-03-04T06:37:00.001+08:00

Dahil lagi mong sinasabi na iniiwan or pinapanood ka lang namin pag dumudugo ka. :)

Click images to view in original size.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

Exhibit E

Exhibit F

*** Not that I'm saying na mas magaling ako kay Archer. ^_^ Ang akin lang not entirely true na lagi namin siyang inaalay. Haha this is the irrefutable proof. ^_^

Putangina lang.

2011-03-03T03:06:00.002+08:00

Dahil sa totoo lang, yung nagpapakatotoong Nic ay maraming gustong sabihin ngayong araw na to, pero yung nagpapakatinong Nic ay sinasabi na hindi niya dapat i-blog ang mga gusto niyang sabihin.

At apparently, inunderestimate niya ang intelligence gathering skills ni Lawi.

Putangina lang talaga.

Smooth

2011-02-28T20:43:00.000+08:00

Give me your heart,
Make it real,
Or else forget about it.

Because I’ve been spending too much time on my SocSci 3 paper, I still have a PolSci 177 (or is it 178? Damn, I don’t even know what my subject’s course title is) paper and a CL 150 report to write, and according to my iTunes, Rob Thomas’ Smooth has been played 103 times this afternoon.

Define ‘sabaw’.

I’ll let you in on two secrets, though. One, I currently have a love affair with tomatoes. The big, red, round ones. I’ve eaten them (usually three to four) in every meal I’ve had at home since last weekend. And two, I believe that Rob Thomas does sing. He just drawls and growls, but for some reason I find it ridiculously hot.

Pop Question One: Is ‘growl’ a word with the same degree of association with sex/banging/love-making/fornicating as, say, moan and mewl? As a writer I won’t deny having dabbled with lemony stuff, (refer to post Bed Time Stories) though my works still tend to be dominantly of the angst genre. So yeah, if I ever write full-fledged erotica (though I have no idea why I would want to do that), would using the word ‘growl’ be appropriate? (Granted that the work does not include felines or ursines as characters)

Pop Question Two: I was chatting with a friend and an orgmate simultaneously last weekend, and as what always happens when I do that, I sent the wrong message to the wrong person. Friend asked what I was doing, but my reply ‘Writing a blog post titled ‘Feeling You. Give me a word that rhymes with tongue’ got sent to Orgmate.

Guess what Orgmate replied. Apparently wala daw word na nag-rarhyme with ‘tongue’. I asked him how he knew, and he said it was a trivia. Pati daw ‘orange’ walang ka-rhyme.

What about ‘dung’ for ‘tongue’ and ‘range’ for ‘orange’?

I wanna cut off my tongue
Cause I licked something that tastes like dung.
I will bring us an orange
Let’s eat it at the archery range.

That sounds rhyming to me.

Pop Question Three: As you may have noticed, my blog now has a new layout! It still needs a little tweaking, but I'll do it when I have more free time. Ugh, HTML is sooo not my stuff.

Because...

2011-02-25T11:08:00.002+08:00

...it's been a long time since I posted a poem. ^_^

Sunlight and pine and aftershave
And heady notes of something quite recognisable
- but not at all familiar.
“You’ve changed scents,” I remark quietly,
And you afford me a small smile
As your pale lips meet with the ceramic brim
Of this morning’s cup of Earl Grey.
(You’ve given up drinking coffee, I see.)
“Tom Ford, Gray Vetiver.” You answer softly
And then add “Do you like it?”
I do not know why,
But for some reason I do not reply.

I wearily eye the lone fleur-de-lis
On your black, wool-lined leather jacket
(I thought you hated the color black?)
And I heave a long sigh.
You are like your home, St-Isidore, now -
Cold, distant, somewhat detached.
I feel as though I no longer know you
When not too long ago we were nearly inseparable.
You had your reasons;
A closed fracture in summer and then a cold;
Your cousin’s death a few months ago.
There was college last fall,
And now your work.

I fail to stifle a bitter laugh
As I ponder about how rime seemed to have formed
Just when I though that the sunlight in Montreal
Would banish the last traces of St-Isidore’s frost.
“What’s so funny?” you ask.
“Nothing,” say I, “just that you’re wearing
a black jacket; I thought you hated black.”
You go on to explain
How you felt artistically enlightened,
- perhaps even liberated -
By the bleak purity that you heard in a song
And later teased out with your fingers
(“Exodus, by Maksim. I play the piano now.”)
Leading you to the symbolic decision
To wear black.

I pore over how much has changed
As helplessness gnaws at my forgotten tongue.
I no longer know you.
Not that I find you to be at fault;
Three oceans keep Manila and Montreal apart.
It’s just that I remember
How we used to walked together
Kicking up orange leaves as we went.
You would give me a smile
Illuminated in the late afternoon’s wan sun
And all else would be a blur.
Back then I would wonder
How long our footprints would grace the grass
Before they became someone else’s.
(That time seems to have come, sadly.)

Sunlight and pine and aftershave
And heady notes of something quite recognisable
- but not at all familiar.
“I guess things have changed,” I remark quietly.
You afford me a small smile,
As your pale hand reaches to your chest
To pull back the right lapel
Of your black, wool-lined leather jacket
And reveal a small crucifix
Hanging from the golden chain around your neck.
I catch my breath – it’s the one that I gave you
Not too long ago, before you returned to your home
Of frigid French streets
And flags of four fleur-de-lys.
“Some things don’t change.” you answer softly.
And this time no one needs a reply.

*** Made for CW 10, so needless to say, it's creative writing (or at least it's supposed to be) and this isn't the least bit drawn from any actual experience.

The title, I decided, should be a French word given all the references to Montreal and Quebec, and when I think 'French' you know who I think of first. ^_^

I am Dead.

2011-02-24T15:53:00.000+08:00

Today I finally got my grad pics.

It would have been great, if it were not for the fact that I might not graduate this school year at all, thanks to International Economics.

Oh, Econ 141, why do you have to be so difficult?

Oh, Ma’am Carlos, why do you have to give right minus wrong exams?

Oh, Lord, why do I suck at Econ so much?

I am dead. I am so dead.

DotA, par Cinq Man

2011-02-17T03:26:00.000+08:00

Literally DotA, through five men. In French because I suddenly missed Georges St-Pierre’s boyish smile and I would like to reaffirm my fangirlism to the guy with possibly the most gorgeous blue eyes in the world. He doesn’t play DotA, but I do and this is my blog so run along. ^_^

***
DotA, par Cinq Man

Lawi is the gentleman.

He has no qualms about harassing enemy heroes away, even taking in substantial damage from enemy heroes if he has to, just to save her sorry ass whenever she gets in trouble. He is usually able to save her because he’s that good at this game, but sometimes he can’t take all of the heat alone and she dies despite his rescue efforts; whenever that happens, he always apologizes to her, as if her death was his fault for not being a good enough lane mate instead of her fault for being a lousy DotA player. He does his best to give her instructions about what to do while the game is ongoing, and whenever she makes mistakes (and a lot of them too), he just teases her with a single exclamation of “Fail!” and then he lets it go.

Two hours later, when they are in the cab or jeep on the way home, he will patiently explain what she was doing wrong and how she should do things next time.

Archer is the honest guy.

And brutally so. Unlike Lawi, whenever she makes mistakes – a late stun, a late ultimate, a late escape – he does not hold back from telling her how pitifully exasperating her DotA gameplay is. He gives him instructions too, but one mistake later the whole internet café gets a loud earful about how weak her play is. His rants usually go on until someone else makes a mistake, and then he rants about that other player. It’s okay though, because she appreciates the fact that Archer treats her the same way he treats all his team mates, giving her none of the ‘she’s a girl, gotta be gentle with her’ crap. Besides, he is also usually the first one to point it out whenever she’s doing well or she ended up first in the Stats for a change.

He is also the first guy to talk to her about jerking off without the use of Marco Lansangan’s chemical metaphors or Rex Dizon’s ‘this-is-officially-an-awkward-conversation’ dismissal.

Bong is the quiet one.

They’ve never been early-game lane mates. He usually goes to ‘taas’ or ‘mid’ while she never goes anywhere but ‘baba’. They seldom take on enemy heroes together in mid-game as well because they perfectly accept the fact that it’s easier to kill when one is with Lawi or Archer. Bong does not give her instructions about what to do like Lawi or makes fun of her game play like Archer. He won’t say anything when they get together in a lane, but he will be cooperative when she tells him that she wants them to try killing one of the enemies; he will do his best to nuke with her, but it usually won’t work anyway. In the end they will retreat together, and throughout all this he seldom says anything.

In fact, even when he was already angry at her for giving away one of his Christmas gifts to her, and to his own room mate nonetheless, Bong never said anything.

Buduy is the reckless bloke.

He will go in anytime, all the time, no matter if it’s ten seconds, ten minutes or ten kills into the game, no matter how many or who are the enemy heroes in the lane. They’ve been early-game lane mates four times, and during all those times he was first blood. She could only watch in amazement as the guy charged forward, blatantly disregarding the fact that the green bar on top of his character’s head is quickly turning to orange and then yellow and then red, and the next thing she knows, she’s alone in their lane. Sure, Buduy tries to be supportive, taking in the heat so she’s free to rain skills on the enemies, but there really isn’t much that she can do when her lane mate is dead or running back home.

Her fondest DotA memory will always be that game when Buduy was killed by neutral creeps, of all things. Lawi and Archer have since joined the club, but the original is always the best.

Kuya Caltrops is the team-completer.

When she first started playing DotA she didn’t really like going to his shop; it was small, gritty and there were too many gamer guys who erupted into frenzied trash-talks or ally-tripping every few minutes. However, each visit there he grew from merely civil to actually friendly towards her and the team. Now they’re actually chummy and Caltrops doesn’t seem like such a bad place anymore. Now her usually day-ender is the sight of Kuya Caltrops’ curly hair.

And as long as she has this team, DotA will always be something to look forward to.

Himitsu

2011-02-08T15:44:00.003+08:00

She made her way through the corridors of the Faculty Center in long, rushed, brash strides, the rest of the world seemingly unimportant as she hastened to get to the last room down the Political Science Department. She was tired and breathing heavily by the time she got there, but that was exactly the point – she had to look like she hurried, or at least she had to look flushed.

She didn’t even have to look for him. He just got out of the room when she saw him.

“Hi,” she said faintly as she caught up with him, pausing to catch her breath before offering an apologetic smile. “I’m from Naval’s 177…”

“Yeah, I remember you.” He replies, politely returning the smile. “What’s the matter?”

She bit her lower lip briefly before she went red in the face and told him what she was there for.

But he didn’t react the way she expected him to. Instead, he merely adjusted his glasses, owning all the indifference in the world.

“So… what do you want to do?”

She was slightly stunned by his answer. It was the fourth time she dared to do something like that, but it was the first time that someone asked her that, or any other question for that matter. The first two times she did it was at Math 17, and everything went on smoothly with her instructor. The third time was at Econ 106, and even that nosy proctor was not the least bit reluctant.

She certainly did not expect that this proctor from Polsci would drag it out.

“So what do you want to do?” he repeated, but there was a swagger in his voice that told her it wasn’t a question.

You have very expressive eyes, and they’re very convincing, Jaime Naval had told her once. She cleared her throat as she decided that if Naval was telling the truth, she might as well use them in Naval’s own subject, right?

She gave him a telltale glance, her smile turning from apologetic to challenging. Your call.

He looked at her for a full second before he gave it up.

“Follow me,” he said, smirking as he took out a bunch of keys from his pocket and began rambling something about how she should be thankful that she got to him before he left the building.

He opened the door to let her into Jaime Naval’s room, closing the door as quickly as he opened it. He stood by the table for a few moments before he said “Okay” and mumbled a permission.

She didn’t need to be told twice.

By the time she was done, his phone was ringing. She could not help the amused smile on her face as she watched him fumble around the piece of technology that was tethered to the lanyard around his neck anyway. It took him a good ten seconds to answer the call, and she was all the more amused when she heard him speak. She wondered why the spontaneous Polsci geek was suddenly stuttering.

She waved her hand to catch his attention, and when their eyes met she briefly mouthed the word “Thanks” before turning around to leave. But she heard him call her out just as she was about to turn the door knob.

“Wait!”

She turned to look back at him. He had one hand covering the phone’s receiver, and idly she wondered how much trouble he would be in if the caller had turned out to be Professor Jaime Naval himself.

“Just… don’t tell your classmates about it, okay?”

She had to look away to stifle her laughter.

Ode to Pauline

2011-01-28T13:23:00.000+08:00

By now, it has become somewhat like a routine. I would walk back to Kamia after my Geography class, and about the same time I get out of AS, a maroon Ford Ranger would be parking in front of Bio.

By now, it has become somewhat like a routine. I would continue walking back to my dorm while Max steps out of the Ranger. A girl, who I suppose would be Bea, would soon follow; Max would have his hand on her shoulder as they walk towards the building that I just got out of.

By now, it has become somewhat like a routine. Max would see me and I would see him, and for a moment we would look somewhere else - him at Bea and I at my watch - and pretend that we didn’t see each other. It’s not until we’re just a few steps in front of each other that we would actually acknowledge one other.

By now, it has become somewhat like a routine. “Hey,” Max would say. “Hi, Max.” I would reply. Sometimes we’d wave at each other, other times a nod would suffice. I told you, I was never really against Max. I even told you once that he was nice, remember? And I swear, that has nothing to do with the fact that he is Solis’ fraternity brother.

By now, it has become somewhat like a routine. I would immediately look away again, and Max would draw Bea closer. I never talk to Bea. I never even look at Bea. Sometimes I wonder if she asks Max who I am afterwards, and sometimes I wonder what Max says.

By now, it has become somewhat like a routine. I’d think of you as I draw closer to my dorm. Sometimes I fish my phone out of my pocket and send you a message, but I never tell you about Max or Bea – edit – Max and Bea – because it doesn’t feel right. I’d think about how you might be doing now, back in Davao. I think about what might happen when you come back next semester and it’s your turn to see Max and Bea.

By now, it has become somewhat like a routine. I’d reach my room, put my bag on the table and plop on the bed. I would tell myself to stop thinking about you and Max and Bea. I mean, in all fairness to you, it’s not my problem that you fell for that guy and you fell for him a bit too hard. In all fairness to Max, he’s still nice to me despite the fact that the only reason why we know each other is because you used to be together – wait, you were never together because he didn’t want a commitment, right, so let’s change that to because he used to fuck you. In all fairness to Bea, I know her only from the stories you tell so I shouldn’t really judge.

By now, it has become somewhat like a routine. I would stare at the ceiling and remember what I told you in the letter I gave you before you left two summers ago. “I don’t want to be your friend anymore,” I told you bluntly. “I don’t want a friend who knows me only when she needs a shoulder to cry on because she and Max had a fight, and completely takes me for granted otherwise.”

By now, it has become somewhat like a routine. And I realize that no matter how I tell myself that I have no business thinking about the hurt you might feel if you see them when you come back next sem, it doesn’t really work. I’m still worried for you.

By now, it has become somewhat like a routine.

I guess I still care for you.

I guess you’re still my friend.

Ode to Lawi

2011-01-21T08:41:00.000+08:00

Bilang lagi kang naglu-lurk sa Agu-blogs at di pa kita nagagawan ng ode.

***
legolas pwned Templar Assassin’s head for 260 gold! Assist: fayul
legolas pwned Shadow Fiend’s head for 255 gold! Assist: fayul
legolas has double kill!
legolas pwned Witch Doctor’s head for 255 gold! Assist: fayul
legolas has triple kill!
legolas is godlike!

“Wait, anong nangyari?!” she exclaims, moving closer to the computer screen in confusion (The effects of Mjollnir and Hyperstone in the inventory at the same time, apparently.) “Hindi pa man ako nakakapag Laguna Blade!”

“Triple kill ka na.” he informs her calmly.

And then he turns exasperatedly to the guy next to him. “Dana, tinangke ko lahat yon.”

***
“Hoy.” She says, poking his leg.

He does not move. His shoulders just slouch a little lower, his back against one of the columns at AS steps. He won the vice-presidency of their organization merely a few minutes ago, so you’d think that he could be in a better mood.

But he is not. He just clutches his silent phone tighter and stares off to some distance that only he knows about – some distance far, far away that only he will ever know about.

She offers him a smile as she sits down next to him. “Wag ka nang sad. Girls don’t buy gifts for strangers. When a girl buys you a gift, it means you’re special.”

He looks up at her. His eyes are as hollow as… she doesn’t know. Hallow blocks?

“Kainis kase e…” he mutters.

She shrugs. Oh well. Boys will be boys.

***
“Yun nga yung gusto kong sabihin, binigay ko sayo yon kaya bakit mo ibibigay sa kanya?” her orgmate says… well, not exactly grudgingly, but yeah, somewhat grudgingly.

“Kase hiningi nya. Yun lang naman ang binigay ko, I kept everything else di ba?” she replies… well, not exactly defensively, but yeah, somewhat defensively.

Her orgmate sighs. “Hindi lang naman yon e. Akala ko close na tayo tapos bigla mong sasabihin na hindi tayo close.”

“Para sakin hindi naman talaga tayo close that time e.” she shoots back.

“Ganito kase,” He suddenly interrupts the… uh, for the lack of a better word, conversation. He puts on the Listen-To-Me-Because-For-Once-I’m-Actually-Serious-About-This face as he turns to her and says, “Di ba sabi mo sakin pag binigyan ka ng regalo, ibig sabihin special ka?”

She glares at him incredulously. Oh no you didn’t just shoot me with my own gun.

***
“Ah eto si Lawi, feeling ko magaling ang vocabulary nito.” Their senior orgmate says with a smirk. “Fellatio?”

“Blowjob.” He answers correctly.

“Coitus interruptus?”

“Interruptus… withdrawal.”

“BDSM?” she cuts in.

“Uh, alam ko yan!” their elfin orgmate exclaims. “Bondage, Dominance, Sadism…”

“Mali!” she says gleefully. “Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, ”

“ – Dominance, Submission, Sadism, Masochism.” He finishes for her. “Ba’t alam mo?”

“Nag PanPil 19 ako.” She answers. And then it’s her turn to ask. “Ikaw, ba’t alam mo?”

He grins. “Kakasearch sa net.”

“Nang?”

He just grins.

***
“What the – ” he says when the car suddenly comes to a halt.

Right in the middle of a rice field in Magliman.

“Shit.” She says as she gets out of the car only to horribly find out that the right back tire had fallen into a trough, leaving them stuck in a freakin’ rice padde in the middle of… somewhere.

Good thing two kind-hearted farmers approach them and help them out. They do their best push the car while instructing her to drive just with enough speed and force to get the wheel out of the gutter, which she almost fails to do because it takes her a good few seconds to realize that revving on the engine will not do anything when the stick is in neutral. Still, it doesn’t take too long before everything is okay again.

He gets back into the car, slamming the door as he closes it.

“What?” she asks.

He stares off at the miles and miles of green rice paddies in front of them. “Dana, pati ba naman sasakyan diniditch ako?!”

She laughs as she steps into the gas pedal and drives off.

Secondhand Listerine

2011-01-19T23:06:00.000+08:00

“Stop it.” She snaps irately, brows furrowing together as she pulled her bag’s zipper close.

“Stop what?” he asks, though he very well knows what she means. After all, only three things in this world annoy her enough for her to demand that they stop – the self-righteous rants and raves of that Paul guy from her PI 100 class, guy (meaning porn) talk, and foot tapping. (The last partly because a perverted orgmate once told her that foot tapping is a form of masturbation.)

“Tapping your foot. It’s annoying.” (See, he was right.)

He shrugs. “I’m bored.”

“That’s not my problem.” She retorts.

“Have any entertainment ideas?” he asks, determined to annoy her since he had begun to do so without meaning to and was really bored, anyway.

“Do I look like a TV to you?” came the answer, voice laced with annoyance.

“You don’t have to be bitchy.” He shoots back, feigning an offended expression.

“I am not bitchy.”

“Yes, you are.”

“You’re acting imbecilic.”

“You didn’t just say that.”

“Oh, but I did. And – ”

Thud. An “Ow!” follows as he knocks her back against the wall, hard enough to bruise.

“What the –” she groans, but she suddenly shuts up because she realizes that he is suddenly close. Too close.

“Told you you just didn’t say that.” He says conceitedly, lips curling into a grin as he slowly draws his face closer to hers.

She swallows weakly, throat as dry as her chapped lips, while wondering where the hell all her bitchiness went to. Out of her mouth and into his ego, apparently. This is one of his games, the brat is keeping himself amused again. He may have caught her off guard, but she’s not one to give control up easily, sorry.

She smirks as she looks at him straight in the eye. Two can play this game and she is calling his bluff.

His grin widens when he sees her smirk, and he continues to close the distance between their faces. Boy, isn’t this better than bantering? He can feel the warmth of her heavy breath as the few inches that keep them apart shrink to centimeters –

“Yeah here we go for the hundredth time, hand grenade pins in every line. Throw em up and let something shine, goin’ out of my fucking mind...”

Linkin Park’s Bleed It Out suddenly fills the air as something vibrates on the table nearby. Incoming call alert.

She looks down at her ringing phone on the table. The caller does not appear to be registered in her contacts and she can only see its first few digits (0-9-1-7-8-8-1… is that next number a 7?) but she recognizes it anyway. It must be another one of her perverted former orgmates.

She turns her eyes on him again, and her skin almost tingles as she feels his breath on her nose.

“Aren’t you… gonna to take that?” he drawls haughtily, pulling back so she could have a bit more space to move through in case she did take the call.

She lets out a soundless breath of relief for the newfound space and then bites her lip down as she thinks. The phone continues to ring, but she ignores it and just keeps staring at him, wanting oh-so desperately to wipe that grin off his face. If it is indeed her former orgmate, he’s just going to ask if she wants to meet up for coffee. She’d just call her former orgmate tomorrow and make up some story about why she didn’t answer.

She smirks at him again. “That guy’s gonna ask if I want to go to Starbucks, but I’m really in the mood for an almond mocha right now.”

Because this afternoon, she’s craving for the taste of second-hand Listerine.

Bago Mag Pasko

2010-12-15T12:44:00.002+08:00

Bago mag pasko, gusto ko lang sabihin na namimis ko na ang

1. sleepovers sa Tandang Sora kasama ang barkadang ito

2. loving over-protectiveness ng babaeng ito

3. paglalaro ng Virtua Fighter gamit ang mga characters na ito

4. walang katapusang laughtrip kasama ng barkadang ito

5. jaw-dropping submission finishes ng lalaking ito

6. kaunti ngunit masasayang araw na buo ang batch na ito

7. mahihigpit na yakap ng lalaking ito

8. at syempre, ang pag-stalk sa lalaking ito.

"Those who cross the sea change only their sky but not their hearts."

Tuesday Night

2010-12-03T18:37:00.001+08:00

I'm not really sure what you're doing. I don't know why you're suddenly talking to me when we practically haven't had any communication since... I don't know because I stopped caring after that life-changing ride back home seven months ago. I don't know why it's suddenly so urgent for us to see each other again... no, why it's suddenly so urgent for you to see me again, because I don't need or want to see you.

I don't know why you're telling me things like that. Your choice of words... they annoy me. They might have been amusing before, but they just sound lame now. It's just a shame that you're still able to stir some (a very little amount, really) emotion in me.

I hate the fact that you told me that you would wait, even if I bluntly told you that there was nothing that could change my mind. I hate the fact that you still think you matter to me enough to put me in a position where I would do what you ask me to, even if I had told you that while you may not have changed, I did. Most of all I hate the fact that I still felt a piercing feeling in my chest when you told me that you miss me and all I answered was "Haha."

But by now the one thing that makes me happy is that I know that I've stopped caring. About you, about us. You asked me to be there for you a dozen times, and I told you that I won't a dozen times as well. You told me that you would wait, and I told you that you would be waiting for nothing. You told me that you miss me, and I told you "Haha"; there wasn't even a smiley.

So go ahead, do what you want to do and say what you want to say. And while you're at it, rip my heart out from its veins with your sweet words, and with your selfishness watch it bleed, defiled by the grime of your artful hands, with insensitive pleasure and egotistic glee until its last beat. Cause you know what?

It's all the same to me.

Dirky Kitchen

2010-11-30T10:53:00.000+08:00

Officially the best cookbook in the whole wide world! Oha! Walang sinabi si Rosebud! :))

Love Love Love

2010-11-24T13:40:00.002+08:00

Over the past week, my friends Gboi, Lawi and Shara Banana have told me more than once that I no longer update my blog. Well, Gboi is still riding his shit wave, Lawi is still proclaiming his undying love for Mortred the Phantom Assassin, Shara is still in search of her friends’ lost blogs and I… I am busy trying to reprogram my mind to refrain from doing anything related to professing my obsession with Solis because as if Max in the hallway was not enough, there seems to be someone who knows Solis in almost all of my non-Econ classes. Weeee.

I haven’t really been inspired to write anything that can be considered decent lately, hence my not-so-satisfactory CW 10 grade, but hey, for all that this is worth, this goes out to you, my friends, for continuing to drop by my forsaken blog in the hopes of finding a miraculous update despite the fact that I haven’t been active since August. Hopefully I’ll be back soon.

***

There are many things that could be said about how and why it happens. I was drunk, I was lonely, I got carried away… and the most cliché of all, it just happened. And somewhere around Mt. Olympus, Eros cringes because you rarely hear the reason that his existence is for.

Alcohol, check. Not the Chivas’ or Remy’s displayed at home, nor the spirits distributed by Daddy’s distiller clients. There’s an almost empty bottle of vodka on the bedside table, next to an equally almost empty bottle of tonic and two shot glasses. It takes around ten minutes for the human tongue to learn the palatability of vodka tonic, fewer if you’re like her who easily gets drunk (in which case you will readily swallow anything that can be shoved into your mouth). Hey, in Econ VAT means value added tax, everywhere else it means vodka and tonic.

Oh, Dan Hardy. She would fuck you for the mere reason that the second X on your straight edge tattoo means ‘no alcohol’.

Loneliness, check. A friend once said that the people you miss aren’t the people you think of when you’re alone – it’s who you think of even when you’re happy with a crowd. It’s been five years and there’s been many other people, but the truth is that there had been nobody quite like him, or the way he made her feel. If she could, she would actually turn back time so she could do things differently. When Benjo asks them, “Kayo ba?” she would not deny it; When Lance tells them to try to work it out, she would listen; and when he… when Carlo tells her “I love you”, she would not pretend that she did not hear him. She might even say something back.

Maybe things would turn up differently. And maybe she wouldn’t be lonely.

Emotional overwhelm, check. Because a fingertip gently pressed to the lips can do more than silencing someone who speaks. (Especially when the fingertip is yours but the lips are not.) It was recently learned that a fingertip to the lips can close eyes and ease breathing too. It just has to be mentioned that it’s most effective when it’s the eyes and not the lips that was doing the talking for the person in the first place. It might just be the best way to get acquiescence, and when you have acquiescence, you can proceed with everything else.

Who said you need a grappling background to elicit a submission?

It just happened, check. That’s what we all say when we can’t or don’t want to explain why certain things happened.

It’s just seldom the truth.

And love?

Frankly, she couldn’t care less if there was love or not. When she woke up the next morning the sheets were all messed up and clothes were strewn all over the floor and the smell of alcohol was retching in the air and the headache – god, the headache – it was terrible. (Must have been what they called a hangover.) There might have been some feelings of guilt or regret (Okay, so she did at least wanted to be in love) but it was hard to tell because the feelings of soreness and nausea were all that she could recognize.

But she was not alone and there was nobody saying “You know it’s casual and we’re still friends, right?” She just sees a faint smile and hears a somnolent, half-asleep voice from the other half of the mattress advising her to go back to bed because going to school with a hangover was not happening.

She laughs softly (making a mental note to herself never to get drunk during weekdays again) before closing her eyes and letting herself fall back to the pillows.

Today, just today, nobody needs love.

Fast Car

2010-08-05T07:14:00.002+08:00

“Emotions are more powerful when you don’t say them.”
- Sir Wendell Capili

You got a fast car, I want a ticket to anywhere

Maybe we could make a deal, maybe together we can get somewhere.

There are many things I could tell you to discourage you from coming back here.

Any place is better, starting from zero I got nothing to lose

Maybe we’ll make something, me myself I’ve got nothing to prove.

“I’ve got a super-mega-hyper important project for an elective due on Friday so I really have to work my ass off every day until then and I’m not going to have time for anything else.”

-I just have to remember to exclude the fact that I have no elective classes during Fridays.

Or,

“You don’t belong here anymore, the same way people’s souls don’t belong in this world once they die, so there isn’t really any reason to go back here.”

- Just disregard that this is a public university open to anyone and everyone who wants to go here, except if you’re part of the army, which you are not.

Or,

“I’ve fallen in love with a French-Canadian guy who has the cutest accent and the most breath-taking blue eyes EVER. He’s got a black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu so run along.”

- The fact that the guy I’m talking about is Georges St-Pierre is completely irrelevant.

I remember when we were driving, driving in your car

Speed so fast I felt like I was drunk

City lights lay out before us and your arms feel nice wrapped around my shoulders

Or maybe I could just tell you the truth.

“I’m okay now, but it took a long way for me to get here after you left. Don’t ever come back because if you do I know I’m going to break down again.”

And I had a feeling that I belong

I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone.

Ode to Victor

2010-07-20T16:19:00.000+08:00

“Cut the BS, Nicdao. You do not care about Demian Maia’s technicality, or his classiness, or his athleticism or his lack thereof. You like him because he qualifies for your definition of ‘hot’.”

o_O?

If I could lie as easily as I churn out reaction papers, I would deny it. Unfortunately, I’m not a good liar.

Uh-oh, looks like somebody knows me really well. ^_^

Ambula

2010-07-08T10:45:00.001+08:00

Me: Does it make me a bad person if I feel defensive when people comment on the things I write?

Kuya Rex: Haha, what do you think?

I guess it’s human nature. Everybody wants to be praised, but nobody wants to be criticized.

So me, I’m just going to try my damnedest to rise above my human frailties. I will take in everything with humble modesty that will spit graciously on the face of condescension. I will feast on approval leisurely and savor every moment of it; I will chew rebuke determinedly until it’s tender enough to swallow.

***

Kase sa totoo lang, ang tagal-tagal ko ‘tong hinihintay.

Pero bakit ngayong nandito na, parang hindi naman ako masaya?

…siguro kase dapat pag nag-let go ka na, hindi mo man lang dapat isipin na balikan pa.

***

Guess who Jan invited to lunch at Manila Pen next week.

ako, alas dos ng madaling araw

2010-07-01T15:56:00.003+08:00

ito ako, alas dos ng madaling araw.
naglinis ng mga gamit
itinago ang mga lumang kwaderno,
isinilid sa kahon ang mga lumang babasahin,
itinapon ang bago pang kard
na may mensaheng “keep this…” at pirmado pa;
dahil hindi ko na gagamitin
ang alin man sa mga basurang iyan.

ito ako, alas dos ng madaling araw;
nahimlay sa kama at ipinikit ang mata
ngunit hindi makatulog.
mula sa paanan ng kama, naririnig ang mga basura
sa basurahan daw ay hindi sila nababagay, di dapat naroroon.
ngunit hindi ba kaya may ngalang‘basurahan’
ay dahil doon inilalagay ang mga basura?

ito ako, alas dos ng madaling araw -
nakatitig ang mga mata sa kisame ng kwarto
ginugulo ng mga basurang hindi daw bagay sa basurahan.
kung nangyari ito tatlong buwang mas maaga,
pupulutin ko ang mga basurang iyon at muling itatago -
mali, ni hindi ko pala sila itatapon -
ngunit ang ‘tatlong buwang mas maaga’ ay hindi ngayon,
at dahil ngayon ito nangyari,
wala akong basurang pupulutin.

ito ako, alas dos ng madaling araw.
ibabaling ang ulo sa kaliwa
at tatakpan ng unan ang mukha.
hindi parin makatulog,
pero pipiliting pagpahingahin ang diwa.
bahala sila. basta ako,
wala akong pakialam sa basura.

Staccato

2010-06-17T21:56:00.001+08:00

She caught your name when you wrote it down on a piece of paper this afternoon.

She doesn’t even know why she had to bother to look at it. If she wanted to know your name she could have just asked her seatmate. Yeah, her seatmate knows you. Everyone in this college seems to know you.

Then again, maybe it’s because if she did ask her seatmate, that nosy boy might ask why she wanted to know your name.

And then she wouldn’t know what to say.

***

She caught a glimpse of you nibbling your fingers as you listened to the professor who kept rambling about some political shit.

In her mind she muttered a profanity because you reminded her of someone that she shouldn’t be thinking about. Yeah, he bit his nails that way too. So she turned her eyes back on the professor in an effort to shake the thoughts away.

The professor asked the class for their thoughts on the political shit she rambled so passionately about, and she waited for you to raise your hand and start blabbering an Iliad-long narration of your profound thoughts. Hey, you’re supposed to be this political brainiac, right?

But to her surprise, you sit still on your chair, hands on the armrest. A small smile playfully grew on your lips.

And you didn’t even say anything.

***

She read your blogs that night.

She had no freakin’ idea that you two were freakishly alike. In fact you even chose the same wordpress theme. You also wrote the same crazy stuff she did. The only difference is that you post your works in a blog that proudly screamed your name while she posts hers in a secluded corner of the internet under a pen name that does not have the least connection with her real name. Jin, that is. Her pen name is Jin.

She goes over all the things you wrote, and when she’s done she smiles to herself triumphantly because for all the giftedness that you seem to have, she has an awful lot more comments than you do. In your face.

But by the time she finally hits her browser’s exit button, she has no choice to retire that you are indeed brilliant.

You, with your gift for writing that easily overshadowed hers; you, with your carefree defiance of the prodigy stereotype; you, with your definitive glasses and nail-biting carefreeness.

***
She might actually like you, you know.

Too bad she hates people whose names are made of the two letters that yours is made exactly of.

Time to Hit It

2010-06-15T12:38:00.011+08:00

Last weekend, I finally decided that I want to learn how to play badminton. By badminton I mean the smart game and not the ‘hit the shuttlecock’ thing that I do every Saturday when my orgmates and I play at Smash.

My dad says that the first step in learning badminton is admitting that I’m new at it. So I’m not gonna be like other people out there who’ve been playing badminton for just a few days but claim that they’re masters of badminton already. I admit that I’m new and I’m not good at it yet, but I hope to soon be. From this day forward, I will strive to do my best for my games to be all about footwork, form and fun.

What made me decide to learn the real game?

I’d tell you, but then I’d have to kill you. ^_^

Just So You Know

2010-06-04T22:41:00.000+08:00

Today is gonna be the day when they’re gonna throw it back to you.

I need a break.

I need a break from a lot of things. I need a break from using ‘she’ when I mean me and using ‘he’ when I mean you. I need a break from having ‘Wonderwall’ and ‘Flavor of Life’ as the only songs in my playlist. I need a break from the emotional turmoil of wanting to bring back something that I can never have again. I need a break from all of this – I need a break from you.

By now you should’ve somehow realized what you gotta do.

And so today I’ve decided that I’m going to use ‘I’ to refer to myself in this entry. And I’m going to have a playlist all made up of happy songs. And I’m going to forget the things that I can’t do anything about anymore.

Today I’ve decided to let it all go. Today I’ve decided to let go.

I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

Three years ago a guy put a ring on my finger and promised me ‘someday’. I knew better than to believe him, so I threw the ring away. Not that long ago you put a smile on my face and promised me ‘forever’. I knew better than to believe you, but for some reason, I thought you were different. So I held on – I am holding on – to your promise.

Backbeat the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out

Except that sometimes we think we can do things that we don’t do just because we want to. Me, I’m impatient; I don’t like waiting for things that don’t come fast enough. I’m a proximity person; when you’re no longer beside me, everything we shared fades away. I don’t like vagueness; I want to always be able to know which side of the line I’m on. But because I believed every word you told me that night, I decided that I would be patient, I would put up with the distance and I would bear the haziness of it all.

But now I realize that I can’t do this after all. I can’t hold on to ‘forever’ because it hasn’t even been a year and the pain is already unbearable.

I’m sure you’ve heard it all before but you never really had a doubt

I saw this coming a long, long time ago, but I guess I committed the mistake that everyone high on serotonin does: I chose to dwell in the present and not think about the future. Had I had more sense when this started to become a big deal from me, I would have walked away. But I didn’t, and that’s why I’m in the middle of nowhere right now. I’m hurting in the middle of nowhere right now, holding on to your ‘forever’, which I’m not sure when it’s gonna come or if it’s even gonna come.

I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now

I’m trying to hold on because I want to believe in you. But I’ve come past the point where I’m asking myself if your ‘forever’ is really worth holding on to, especially when it’s causing me this much pain. I’ve been told forever before, you know. By a group of people who were supposed to be by my side whatever happens, until the end. But their forever didn’t even last a semester. I’m wondering if yours would be like theirs, and though it pains me to admit it, I think the answer is yes.

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding

Maybe we’re just not meant for this. Maybe we’re meant for something else. I can’t go on if this forever means waiting for a promise that you’re not even here to deliver. Maybe it looks okay to you because I try to hide it by being supportive of you and your decisions, but the truth is, it’s not okay for me.

It makes me want to cry every time I laugh and pretend to be alright, it makes me want to cry every time I lay on my bed and feel so hollow inside.

There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know how

I want to believe in you. But I can’t hold on anymore.

They say that you should never regret anything that made you happy. I don’t regret anything then, because you did make me happy. It’s just that maybe this is not what we need right now.

I’m letting go of forever. I’m letting go of you.

Because maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me. And after all, you’re my wonderwall.

Words Don't Come Easily

2010-04-20T09:11:00.000+08:00

If you asked her why she was with him, she would tell you about the sex.

How he was warm and enthusiastic and playful, and completely willing to press his tongue into her body just where she wanted it, to lick and bite and suck when she needed it. How his hands were strong and fit nicely around the curve of her hip, her inner thigh. Maybe she would tell you about the intoxicating scent of mint and pine and dew underneath the unfortunate smell of cigarette smoke that clung stubbornly to his skin.

And maybe she would tell you about the sweating and straining and fucking without complications or formalities. Just the two of them, on her knees in his bed while he bent over her, his panting loud in her ears and warm on the back of her neck.

She would tell you about that, if she wanted to make you blush.

*

What she would not talk about is the way it felt to have his complete attention.

He would react to her, to every little thing she did. If she yelled at him, he would yell back. If she scolded him, he would fuss and scowl and make a scene. If she insulted him, he would engage in a ferocious battle of sharp tongues until one of them closed the other's mouth with a searing kiss, a nip of teeth against the chin and a head lowered in temporary submission.

She likes the way he tells her off when she’s being bitchy, threatening her with furrowed brows and counts of one to three, which isn’t much of a threat at all. She likes the way his canines flash as he grins whenever she looks at him that way.

She doesn’t talk about how powerful it makes her feel when his pulse quickens under her fingertips as she presses against him.

*

What she will never talk about are the nightmares, where she still sees the anguishing memory of asking and begging and pleading, only to be answered by silence. She won’t tell you that she still hears the painful sound of leather shoes meeting with the marble floor, the distinct click of the closing door and the slowly subsiding hum of the red Vios that left the driveway and never came back.

She won’t tell you about how it felt to be left alone, knowing that there wasn’t anything she could do to keep it from happening because she was never cut out to be the perfect guy’s perfect girlfriend in the first place. Or how it scares her to see her own eyes now, which still look past everyone else and into some place where that other man’s ghost still exists.

She doesn’t even like to think about those nights when she wakes up with her hands pressed close to her tear-stained cheeks, asking herself why she was not worth it, asking herself why she was not enough.

She doesn’t say a word about calling him at two in the morning and showing up at his doorstep half an hour later, shaking and pushing her way into his sleepy but comforting embrace.

He doesn’t say a thing about it either.

And that’s the real reason why she stays.

Ode to Aries and Basil

2010-04-15T09:56:00.001+08:00

Five Lessons to Live By for a Happy Life

1. Wag ipamigay ang mga regalong binigay sayo. (Nic)

2. Wag magyaya ng ibang lakad kasama ang ibang tao pag may prior appointment ka na. (Nic)

3. Wag masyadong maging close kase baka ma-misinterpret ka. (Aries)

4. Wag makikinig sa sabaw na comments. (Basil)

5. Wag pansinin si Bong pag nanunukso, nonchalant nalang. (Basil)

Kahit sabaw tayong tumambay sa softball field hanggang 12am to wallow in emo-ness and self-pity, nag-enjoy ako.

Maaayos din lahat to. ^_^ Mahal ko kayo.

Tara, manok. ^_^

Sometimes We Need to be Emo.

2010-04-05T10:26:00.000+08:00

A character from One Tree Hill once said that people stop falling in love when they stop doing the small things. She isn’t going to debate with anyone about how wise it is to get relationship advice from a TV series (much less one with failing ratings), but for her part, she believes it.

She doesn’t remember when he stopped sending her those ‘thanks for the time :)’ messages after he took her home every time they went out. Or why she stopped giving him those little compliments (“I like your shirt.”) every time they met up. She doesn’t know what happened (who happened?) or what changed (who changed?), but it barely matters. It – they just stopped.

It hadn’t always been that way. There was a time when he’d text or IM her every time he did something as ordinary as eat breakfast. For her part, it used to be so easy for her to be supportive of him, to focus on the good things and turn a blind eye at everything else. But somewhere along the way he stopped being her best friend and somewhere along the way she started to be his number one critic. Now he rarely talks to her except when they’re beside each other and she replies only to remind him of his imperfections. Sometimes she even wonders why he still asks her out and why she still says yes, because right now they can barely call each other ‘friends’.

She could tell you about how it amuses her that they grew apart in heart during the time when they grew closer in distance, but she would just be protecting herself from the all too familiar feeling of denial. The truth is that she’s grateful to have him beside her, but she misses all those small things.

She misses falling in love with him.

And she wishes that things were different, but there’s nothing she can do because it’s too late to change anything now. The eleventh hour had passed a long, long time ago and she spent it with all the indifference in the world, lying in her bedroom with her phone and laptop turned off.

And it makes her feel so bad that she stops twirling the pasta on her plate and just puts her fork down exasperatedly. He pauses from eating his salad to look at her, and for once, just this once, she wills herself to look right back at him like she used to.

“Galit ka ba?” he asks quietly, softly, and she could tell that the concern in his voice is sincere.

He had asked her this before, one starless night. She had a stand-off with a friend and when she arrived at their meeting place he immediately noticed her infuriation and rhetorically asked “Galit ka ba?” Still too riled up to talk, she just shook her head but he still followed with puppy eyes and a boyish “Galit ka ba sakin?” His childishness made her laugh and she ended up replying “Not at you. Never at you.”

But that was before, when they still did the small things. Now… now it’s just different.

“Galit ka ba?” he asks.

This time there is no laughter. This time there is no smile. This time there’s just a straight face and a painfully beating chest.

“Pagod lang ako. ”

Ode to Al

2010-03-29T08:57:00.005+08:00

The truth is, I don’t even know why we get along so well.

First of all, we’re exact opposites. You always say that I’m patient and I always say that you’re impatient. You’re very techie, constantly reading about the latest gadgets and downloading the latest software, while I couldn’t care less about new technology and I still use Internet Explorer. Your favorite color is orange, mine is blue.

And we never agree about anything. I say that Fidel Nemenzo is adorable, you just frown and sarcastically ask what’s so great about him. For you it’s alright to spend a thousand pesos for a Moleskine notebook, but I’d rather spend the money on shoes or clothes. You keep on saying that I nail bite, I keep on insisting that I don’t.

And you always make me feel helpless. You never let me change your mind no matter how much I beg. You never accept ‘No’ for an answer and you make sure that you get what you want from me.

The truth is, I don’t know why we get along so well. But I have a hunch that it’s because you know how to make us get along.

You know how to deal with my curiosity. When I ask you about something technical, you never dismiss my question and you never answer anything vague. You would try to make me understand by breaking down the details and patiently explaining each of them. Most of the time you would even draw for me, like what you did when I asked you how infinity pools work.

You know how to deal with my mood swings. When I tell you that I’m sad or I’m tired, you don’t try to cheer me up; you would be quiet too, and later when I’m in a better mood you would be sunny too. When I complain in annoyance about Prosilverblades, you would say something that would make me laugh and I’d forget my irritation. When I’m angry at you and I lash out bullets, you fire right back at me with missiles and you make sure that you subdue me.

You know how to deal with my childishness. You took me to Marquee Mall to see the fountains and when I squealed childishly at the magical sight of the lights and the water, you even offered to take my picture. When I told you that Fidel Nemenzo is the man of my dreams, you took me to sit in on your STS classes. When I asked why boy watches are big and girl watches are small, you let me wear your watch and you even wore mine.

And when I told you yesterday between crying sad faces that I had ruined your Moleskine gift because I tried to do art and I couldn’t control my medium, you just replied with a smiling face and “It’s okay. It’s your Moleskine. Be free.”

I don’t know why we get along so well. But frankly, I couldn’t care less. I’m just thankful, and I just thank you.

Sabi Mo Forever.

2010-03-25T23:07:00.004+08:00

Namimiss na kita at hindi ko alam kung bakit.
O namimiss na kita at sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko alam kung bakit.

Sige, dito na natin malalaman kung gaano katotoo ang mga pangako mo.

Sabi mo Forever.
Tignan natin ngayon kung hanggang kailan ang forever mo.

Like Rachel Berry with Her Two Gay Dads

2010-03-19T08:07:00.011+08:00

Last Wednesday, Kuya Al and I were to have our weekly dose of coffee when on my way to Trinoma I dropped by the Aguman tambayan and saw my beloved Buddy Felipe! It’s been a long time since I and Buddy Feps last hung out because he had his practicum this sem, kaya kinulit ko siya ng kinulit hanggang wala na siyang nagawa kundi sumama sakin sa Trinoma.

After spending the afternoon at Starbucks, the three of us had dinner at Pizza Hut, where we took a couple of pictures including that one (points above). I laughed the first time I saw that picture and told Buddy Feps that it's like Rachel Berry with her two gay dads. :)) Buddy just laughed, pointed at Kuya Al and said “Okay lang basta siya yung maitim!”

I really love my Buddy Feps. ^_^

Sorry. I love you.

2010-03-17T22:46:00.000+08:00

“Wag mo nang isipin yon. Nakuha mo naman ang gusto mo.”

Pero hindi, e.

Kung kapalit nito ang samahan natin
Kung kapalit nito ang lahat ng pinagdaanan natin
Kung kapalit nito ang pagkakaibigan natin

Hindi ko to gusto.

Sorry.

I love you.

Diet Time!

2009-12-03T22:22:00.002+08:00

I love my Bro, Aries.

He treated me to lunch today and complimented Dirk Nowitzki’s playing. He even waited for me on our way back to the tamabayan from jogging.

“I’m tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired.” I complained, Russell-from-Up style.

He looked at me with his ever present grin. “Tara buhatin kita.”

I love piggyback rides so I excitedly got on his back. I really love my Bro.

He took a few steps forward, then a few steps left, a step right, and then he stopped and got me down.

“Nic, ang bigat mo din pala.”

Thirty minutes later, I couldn’t eat my Tinapay Footlong. :))

Perihelion

2009-11-03T11:50:00.002+08:00

So she left her phone on the far end of the table.
On silent mode.
No alarms set.

And she closed her eyes, daring to sleep for as long as she would not awake.
Why should she wait for your message?
She clearly won’t be having dinner with you tonight.

Or any other night from now on.

Minsan kase nakakapagod ding itanong kung ano ba talaga ang ginagawa natin, bakit ba tayo ganito at hanggang kailan ba natin to gagawin.

Minsan kase nakakapagod ding isipin kung ayos na ba talaga ako sa ganito o ikaw lang talaga ang masaya na dito.

Minsan kase nakakapagod ding maghintay, lalo na pag pakiramdam mo naghihintay ka sa wala.

Minsan kase nakakapagod ding pigilan ang sarili ko na sabihin sayong kung wala rin namang patutunguhan lahat ng ginagawa natin, itigil nalang natin to.

Minsan kase nakakapagod ding maging sayo, lalo na dahil ikaw hindi ka naman sakin.

If I care for you once, I will always care for you. ^_^

2009-10-21T09:35:00.004+08:00

“Siguro kailangan din nating magkape minsan. Namimiss ko nang namemention sa blog mo.”

Kevin Penalba. Hayaan mo na yung kape. Andito ka na ulit. ^_^

I might have to wait,
I'll never give up
I guess It's half timing
And the other half's luck.

- Haven't Met You Yet, Michael Buble.

Maybe you should take his advice. ^_^

Maybe I should have taken your hand.

2009-10-12T15:45:00.000+08:00

“Let’s go.”

He took the first step.

“I’m scared.”

She stayed behind.

“I’m here.”

He held out his hand to take hers.

“No.”

She did not give him her hand.

She gave him her heart instead.

I wanna Avenetto. ^_^

It must be my lucky day. ^_^

2009-10-08T21:52:00.000+08:00

I saw Solis today. ^_^

Janine, Xonja and I met up for dinner earlier this evening, and near the end of our meal my friends expressed their craving for carrot walnut cake. I tagged along to Chocokiss, ordered a Dayap Lemon Cake and finished it and was waiting for Xonja to finish her cheesecake when tata! My stalkee of two years entered the restaurant and sat down with a few friends for a meal.

I really didn’t see his face when he came in so how I knew that it was Solis is a mystery, although it’s perfectly fine if I never know the answer. (It must be lukso ng… whatever can lukso, or the result of my two-year-almost-Acey level of stalking.) I just sat there grinning like a damned chesire cat, telling my friends “It’s my lucky day today!”. It took them a few minutes of scouring the whole establishment before they realized what was up and laughed with me.

I never threw another look at him since he sat down the table because if I did, I might now want to leave Chocokiss and just stay there watching him until he left. (Ask Kuya Justin about that night two years ago.) I even told Janine to tell the waiter to bring us our bill already so we could leave. But no, my beloved Orochimaru-sama, it’s not that I don’t adore him anymore. It’s just that seeing him after almost a year is enough for me and I don’t need to ogle like I did when I first met him. Call it growing up. ^_^

But just for the record, I still like Solis. The way Misa likes Light. :))

Lucky, lucky, lucky day. ^_^

Pang-apat.

2009-10-08T01:06:00.009+08:00

"And in this crazy life

And through these crazy times

It's you, it's you, you make me sing

You're every line, you're every word

You're everything."

-Everything, Mr.-Nice-Guy-Who-I-Hope-To-See-Again (Michael Buble original)

Even though we broke my green crayons

Even though you’re so vain

Even though being around you makes me feel pathetic about my artistic skills

I had a good time. Like always. ^_^

Anniversary.

2009-10-06T01:32:00.004+08:00

"I’m tripping on words, you got my head spinning and I don’t know where to go from here."

Two years of insanity. And believe it or not, still counting.

"Because it's you and me, and all of the people and I don't know why

I can't keep my eyes off of you."

Say Hello to DEMIAN.

2009-10-01T11:38:00.011+08:00

One week after an evil taxi driver took of with my beloved 7610 Supernova, MARCO, I finally have a new phone. Say hello to my Samsung 3600, DEMIAN.

Faithful to my tradition of naming important stuff, I named my phone after Demian Maia, one of my favorite UFC fighters and probably my favorite BJJ martial artist. Actually, I considered naming him Kenny after Kenny Florian, another beloved BJJ-er (Yes, I love grapplers. Ground and pound is one of the most brutally beautiful and beautifully brutal things in this world) or Felipe after my beloved Buddy Felipe Pablo, but in the end I settled for the name Demian because... well, I like how it sounds. And Demian Maia is really cute.

Please don’t tell me that Demian’s color is unflattering (I like gold. Deal with it.) or that he’s too big (I like big things. They make me feel… “Like a man?” Al Rivera offered over dinner once) or that Marco’s brand and specs and features are so much better (I loved Marco more than anyone else in this world did, dammit!). After all, Demian cost just over seven grand and at that price you shouldn’t expect him to come with the same flashy stuff that Marco’s fifteen grand price tag came with. What’s important is that I like Demian and he’s here to stay. ^_^

We’ve been together for just about three days, but things have been going pretty well. Demian’s got the basic things I need and I love love love his huge keypads. I’ve started using him as my alarm clock and playing Megan Joy’s Walking After Midnight through him while I take my leisure baths, much like how I used Marco, and so far Demian has been reliable.

I still miss Marco a lot though, especially his 3.2 MP camera, creatable message folders, slide body and 0 spacebar. You have no idea how much I wanted to cry when I dug out his former housing, which is all that I have left of him. I’d give up almost anything to have Marco back. Lord, alam mo kung gaano ko minahal si Marco. Ikaw na ang bahala kay Manong Taxi Driver.

The day I told him that I had lost Marco, Rex Dizon tried to cheered me up by saying that I’ll live through this. I doubted him then, thinking that I’d spend every waking moment of my life thinking about Marco. But now, with Demian around, I’m sure that what Kuya Rex said will be true. ^_^

PS: I’d like to thank Julyn Tiatco for lending me her LG KS360, Xonja Ramos for lending me her N70 and Janine Satorre for lending me her spare SIM card last week. Lord, thank you for giving me such wonderful friends. ^_^

Chakang Starbucks Barrista!

2009-09-29T22:13:00.001+08:00

This afternoon, Kuya Al’s coffee press beaker was broken so he asked me if I could go to Starbucks and ask how much a replacement costs. Since my room mate and I were going to La Salle to volunteer, I told Kuya Al I’d do it and dropped by Starbucks Technohub on our way to MRT.

At the queue, I noticed that the guy behind me kinda looked like the actor Sam Milby, but I really wasn’t sure because he was wearing shades and he kinda had bad skin. (As in lots of red blotches.) At any rate, I ignored him since I didn’t care about Sam Milby anyway (except when Kuya Feps is imitating him).

Apparently though, the barrista and I do not share the same sentiments. She totally ignored me and proceeded to serve Sam Milby. And when she called out Sam’s beverage, she was like “One blah blah blah for Sam! Hi Sam! San ka pupunta?”

In my Boss’s words, the nerd the babaeng yon! At hindi pa jan nagtatapos. As I said, I really didn’t care about Sam so I didn’t bother to listen to what he answered, but my roomie says he said something like he was going to ABS CBN. The barrista then pointed out at Sam’s drinks, “Tatlong drinks? Dalawa date mo?”

It’s a good thing that the senior barrista had led me away to get my order or I would have clobbered that girl in front of her beloved Sam Milby. I mean, is that it, you just shove other customers away whenever a celebrity comes in? Can I see a little professionalism here?

After Sam left, the barrista finally noticed that we were actually there. She gave us our drinks, although she didn’t say “Hi Nic! San ka pupunta? Dalawang drinks mo? Sino ang date mo?”

My roomie, ever so kind and patient, just remarked, “Na-mesmerize ka yata kay Sam Milby.”

And you wouldn’t believe what the barrista answered.

“Hindi naman.”

I like it when you say 'Kata'

2009-09-23T21:10:00.004+08:00

...because it means you and me.

I Miss Marco :((

2009-09-22T00:30:00.006+08:00

I lost my phone Marco tonight. Apparently he fell off my pocket during the taxi ride to Tandang Sora where I and my friends were to have a slumber party. The driver called Pau, the last person I called using Marco and told her that he was going to return the phone. He never came and my number has been out of reach ever since.

Marco hasn’t even spent a year with me. I bought him last November when we went to Singapore. I named him Marco because the sales guy who assisted us when we were buying Marco looked like Marco Lansangan. Marco, a 7610 Supernova, was actually my second choice of phone, but since the Nokia store ran out of the model I wanted, I got him instead.

I developed a really deep emotional attachment with Marco nonetheless. All my contacts, dear images and appreciated messages you guys sent (from birthday greetings to questions of where am I) were all in him. He was also my notepad, calculator and alarm clock. Literally he had been the closest thing to me ever since I got him.

The thought that I would never see him again breaks my heart. But I guess it’s my fault, I should have been more careful. As my parents said, wala na tayong magagawa. Maybe I’ll just go back to using Raikkonen (my old 3650 phone) until I find the next phone for me.

Marco, wherever you are, I’m sorry and I really really really miss you.

And to that taxi driver, see you in hell.

Color Me Orange. Again. ^_^

2009-09-15T20:00:00.003+08:00

I had 6pm coffee and 7:30 dinner with Kuya Al tonight. ^_^

The coffee is my payment for the peppermint almond mocha he made for me last week. As you all know, I'm utterly helpless in the kitchen so making coffee for him, no matter how much I want to, is not an option. Instead we had his favorite beverage, iced Almond Mocha frappe, at Starbucks TechnoHub.

Kuya Al likes his coffee bitter so I ordered a quad venti Almond Mocha frappe for him. I almost laughed at the barista's reaction - "Quad venti?" he repeated, eyes wide. (It reminded me of Kuya Rex's reaction when I told him that Kuya Al likes his ventis with four espresso shots: "Quad? Sobrang pait na non. Di kaya magpalpitate na sya?) When I nodded, the barista laughed and said "Ah okay. Para sa mga kailangan talagang magising." I laughed with him and, pointing at Kuya Al, said "Ewan ko sa kanya.”

We had identical drinks so Kuya Al made sure that he got the coffee that had the four espresso shots label. Unfortunately, the barista made a mistake and my almond mocha was the one they added extra espresso shots to, even if Kuya Al's cup was the one that had the four espresso shots label.

I'd taken two sips from my super bitter coffee before we realized the mistake. And what can I say, I don't think I'll ever drink a quad venti again. It's really bitter. And Allandail Rivera, if you ever read this, I want you to know that I will never take on your challenge of drinking a pure espresso shot. ^_^

Kuya Al reminds me a lot of my brother Ryan and Kuya Rex. Actually, hanging out with Kuya Al is pretty much like being with Kuya Rex – it’s like we never run out of things to talk about, and they both share the most interesting stories. Tonight I was told about the adventures of little Allaindail and the crazy, mean dogs he hates so much, his barely passing physics scores, how to properly cook pasta, when to and not to talk to an ex and his lactose intolerance among many others.

Hanging out with Kuya Rex and Kuya Al is a lot fun. ^_^ It just makes me sad because I don’t get to spend that much time with Kuya Rex because he doesn’t study here anymore, and next sem is Kuya Al’s last sem here in UP. It’s like the happy times are so fleeting.

Actually, I don’t know how to end this entry. Maybe I’ll just say thanks to Kuya Al again, and tell Kuya Rex for the nth time that I miss him so. ^_^

Mmmmmmmm. ^_^

2009-09-09T21:26:00.001+08:00

Today’s story begins with a YM chat last night. “What time ing class mu tomorrow?” Kuya Al asked. “I’ll bring some coffee. Makagawa from here. [sic From at home in Pampanga] Go, request naka!”

I never really hung out with Kuya Al until recently, so it’s just now that I learned about his passion for cooking and making gourmet coffee. That makes us opposites since the kitchen isn’t really my place in the house, but I seldom pass up an opportunity to eat or drink. So I took on his offer, and before we said goodnight I had a peppermint almond mocha with my name on it due the next day.

If I tell you that this day is beautiful, you know I’m shitting you because I don’t like rainy days and it’s the day of my second Econ 131 exam. To put it in Dana White’s words, this day is fucking terrible. So when Kuya Al and I met up at SC for lunch today and I finally took a sip of the well-heralded peppermint almond mocha, the only thing I could say afterwards was “This is the loveliest thing I’ve had today.” ^_^ And I meant that.

I only tasted a hint of the almond flavor and a bit of the chocolate, but I’m not complaining because the heady rush of the minty aftertaste was enough to keep my eyes twinkling and my mouth tingling. ^_^ Kuya Al said that the coffee wasn’t suited to his taste because it wasn’t as bitter as he would have wanted and it was way sweeter than he would have preferred, but I guess that’s just him because it tasted swell to me.

He brought just a tall tumbler, (which wasn’t even filled full since Kuya Al took sips from it when he got bored during the bus ride back to UP this morning) but I liked the coffee and its mintiness so much that I took only small, frequent sips so I could taste the caffeine mint as many times as possible. And guess what. The beverage lasted me a whole afternoon!

I drank it when we ate lunch, I drank it while we waited for the OUR offices to open so Kuya Al can submit his dropping slip, I drank it during my Natsci 1 class and finally emptied it at nearly 5:30 as I left Econ after my 131 exam. If I took on Kuya Al’s offer to cut my class and exam and hit the mall with him instead, that’s still probably the time it’ll take me to let go of the coffee. ^_^ Needless to say, I enjoyed it much.

In our YM chat I promised Kuya Al that I would blog a review about the coffee he made, (“magpakaplastic ka naman at sabihin mong masarap”) but heck, who am I kidding? I’m not a coffee connoisseur. I’m not even a millimeter of the coffee drinker that Al Rivera is. My opinion would be worthless.

But for whatever it’s worth, I’d give Kuya Al four thumbs up. More if I had any more thumbs to give. I lovelovelovelovelove his coffee, and I appreciate him even more for sharing so many things with me today. ^_^

Will I pay him back by making coffee for him too? Uh, let’s not waste precious coffee beans. Let’s just go to Starbucks one of these days. ^_^

It could have been a happy ending

2009-09-07T23:27:00.004+08:00

...but she hates being left behind way too much to compromise, and he loves the freedom of solitude way too much to commit.

Doesn't really matter how everything else seems to be perfect.

This, sweetheart, is what you call LIFE.

Kay Birthday Girl

2009-09-02T23:50:00.003+08:00

Janine,

The truth is, like most of my dearest friends, I don’t really remember a lot about the first time I met you. It must have been during one of our earliest floor parties, the one where we played backstabbers, because I remember how hard you laughed when you read that someone said I look like Nick Carter and Joyce looks like Joyce Jimenez.

I don’t remember how we got chummy. Yes, we were classmates in Econ 11 but we never came to class together because back then I was too GC so I went to class 30 minutes before time while you were too lenient so you went to class 15 minutes before dismissal.

I don’t remember how we became friends. You used to drop by my and Janice’s room a lot but we never really talked much about stuff because you two would speak in Bisaya and I’d have no idea what you were talking about.

I don’t remember how we became members of Lambda Gamma. The only thing I know is that we were eating together and making fun of Lucky Manzano being a booger and somehow we had so much fun together so we decided to form a group that we called the Lucky Girls.

I don’t remember how you became such an important person to me. Maybe it’s because we spent too much time together. Or maybe it’s because we laughed at too many jokes together. Still maybe it’s because you treated me to too many meals. It’s too difficult to point an exact reason out.

But I guess it’s okay not to know why and not to remember how.

The important thing is that I know that you are going to be my friend forever, even though we don’t live under the same roof anymore, even though you accuse me of being GC and even though I’ve missed to many UP Fairs with you guys.

The important thing is that I know you will be there the next time I need a friend to talk to, the next time I need a hand to help me out and the next time I need the latest scoop about Rafael Solis.

The important thing is that you know that I will be here for you anytime and anywhere you need me – because that’s what real friends are for.

The important thing is that I remembered your birthday and you’ve got a cake with not just your name but also your face on it. ^_^

Happy Birthday, Ma’am J9!

Birthday Wish

2009-08-27T21:37:00.000+08:00

Yellow moon, ima mo mittsu kazoete
Me wo akete, me wo mite
Se wo muke ai nagara
Me wo mite
Tell me, yes or no?

Yellow moon, keep on counting to three
Now open your eyes and look at me
Stand by my side
Look into my eyes
And tell me, is it a yes or a no?

-Yellow Moon, Akeboshi

Tatlong araw nalang birthday ko na. Last week pa ako tinatanong ng mga tao kung ano daw ang gusto kong gift.

Iba-iba ang sagot ko. Car, dog, house and lot, phone, lartar, trip to the moon, polar bear, white tiger, bank account na may one zillion dollars, life size statue ni Solis at si Solis mismo. ^_^

Pero God, alam mo naman kung ano talaga ang gusto ko di ba?

Your Submissive, Nic.

2009-08-18T21:57:00.001+08:00

Ngayon ko lang na-realize, madalas may underlying tone of submission sa mga terms of endearment na ginagamit ko to call a handful of people.

Example one. Ang tawagan namin ng Lambda Gamma sisters ko ay Ma’am. As in ‘Ma’am Xonja’.

Example two. I refer to Kuya Rex as ‘my king’ or ‘ang hari.’

Example three. I call Mike ‘Boss’.

Example four. I’ve called Kevin ‘Mr. President Sir’.

Example five. Occasionally I used to call Martin ‘Sir.’

So does that mean na subconsciously I like the idea of submission or being dominated?

Wala lang. ^_^ Naisip ko lang.

For the Girl Who Loves Miniskirts. ^_^

2009-08-12T19:30:00.003+08:00

Kase miss ko na ang tawa mo.

Kase miss ko na yung sabay tayong umuuwi nina John Carl.

Kase miss ko na yung mga kwento mo tungkol kay Ma'am Solis.

Kase miss ko na yung 'watch Sex' schedule mo.

I miss you Ate Loree! ^_^

The Ultimate Bummer

2009-08-10T12:08:00.003+08:00

Usually I just go online to find out the results the next day, but because two of my favorites were on the main card last night, I stayed up really late to watch a telecast of UFC 101.

Mind you, the only tournament I don't mind staying up late to watch is the World Poker Tour.

Mind you two, I don't really like UFC that much at all.

But because Ultimate Fighter One (the reality show) is love love love, I had to watch Declaration to root for Kenny Florian and Forrest Griffin.

And of course, both of them had to lose. :\ The hard way. Griffin by KO, Florian by submission.

Will I stay up late to watch UFC 102 on my birthday? Probably. It's my favorite Ultimate Fighter One alum Chris Leben's comeback fight after finishing his nine month suspension last July.

This time I hope I don't stay up late for nothing.

Maikli Lang. Seriously.

2009-07-30T21:46:00.002+08:00

Ang hirap mag-hanap ng gift para sa lalake. o_O

Ode to Bryan

2009-07-29T20:23:00.002+08:00

The first time I saw you, you were a member of the Bosconian Team in the Pautakan we held at UA. Back then I was too busy abhorring your cocky schoolmate so I told myself that I would shrug you off as another cocky Bosconian, just like most of the others who came before you.

And I did.

The second time I saw you, you were already trying to be a part of the family I call Aguman. You were with your buddy, my batch mate Trish, who back then had issues with her buddy mem taking in a new buddy app. I took Trish’s side, having issues of my own with my Budd’s new buddy, and told her that because of that I would not be mean to you.

And I was not.

The third time I gave a lot of thought about you, you were a candidate to become the org’s next treasurer, the opponent of one of the men I looked up to the most. I usually go for the ones who have been tested and proven, but you had a light in your eyes that made me want to give you my trust.

And I did.

The fourth time you meant something to me, you were being pronounced the org’s new treasurer. By that time my belief in you wanted to falter because you seemed like you did not really want the responsibility you were given. I looked up at the stars and prayed that I would not have to regret my decision of letting you succeed the noble service of Justin Dungca.

And I have not.

By the time we sat beside each other in that dirty corner at the photocopying center in San Fernando, you meant more than another cocky Bosconian, my batch mate’s buddy app, a candidate for an execoun position and the org treasurer.

You meant the tutor who patiently taught me how to play pusoy.
You meant the boy from Apalit who did door-to-door at various establishments in Angeles and San Fernando for CEER funds.
You meant treasurer who always made sure that he had something to give to every committee that said it needed funds.
You meant the new mem who did things for the org so dedicatedly that one would think you’ve been a part of this family your whole life.
You and your batch meant a standard, almost something to be jealous about because I wish my own batch was like yours – my batch should have been like yours - but it isn’t.
And more importantly, you and your selfless service was an inspiration that urged me to stand up and for the first time really do something for this family.

And I did.

Now, after everything you’ve done for our family, I can earnestly say that you are worthy of earning my respect.

And you have.

“Ate Nic, ang hilig mo sa ode, no?”

“Haha, hindi naman, mejo lang.”

“Bakit yung ode ni Kuya Kevin pabilog? Dahil ba bilugin sya?”

“Haha! Hindi naman bilugin si Kevin e. He’s... beefy.”

“Okay, sabi mo e. Haha!”

“Hayaan mo, next week igagawa kita ng ode.”

“Wag na.”

“Wag na ka jan. Basta igagawa kita ng sarili mong ode. Yung hindi payat.”

And I did. ^_^

mi car was hit by a bus. :(

2009-07-28T09:22:00.004+08:00

July 25, 2009. Right after I dropped off the Agu-apps and fetched my sister at Rob.

My car being the smaller vehicle and being less experienced than the bus driver, I thought it was my fault, but my dad and more importantly the police said that it was the bus driver who was at fault. (Whew!) The area after the gas tank got dented because the bus’s right front wheel rammed into it, (sob. :’[ ) but at least no one got hurt.

The bus driver was a kind man who promptly apologized. To my surprise, my dad asked him only one thousand pesos as payment for the damage and even requested the police to let the accident go off record. Bus drivers don’t get paid much and he might even get fired if the management learns that he hit a vehicle, my dad said, and since the driver was nice he didn’t want to hassle the man further.

I informed only close relatives, a few friends in Pampanga and three of my Aguman superiors (The King, The President and The Boss), but so many people still called and sent text messages. Thank you to all the beautiful people who expressed their concern (hugs to my blood relatives and Agufamily), and to everyone who helped out, especially Andy Lao.

Oh, and I can’t not tell you about the wonderful policeman who assisted us. After everything was sorted out, my dad pulled out a bill from his wallet and gave it to the policeman, saying “Kahit pang-meryenda lang” but the policeman just smiled and refused to take it.

Will I ever drive again? Believe it or not, right after the accident, my dad insisted that I drive the car back home. He said the accident was not my fault so I shouldn’t feel like I’m not a capable driver. He even said that it’s time for me to get behind a different wheel – so the next day he let me drive the Civic SIR Ferio.

The Corolla’s gonna be repainted sometime this month, and because I have issues with the Civic’s clutch, acceleration and steering (and trust me, you don’t want to be driving a ride you have issues with), looks like I’m not gonna be behind a wheel for the next couple of weeks. But as Suni Clay put it in my favorite NFS Most Wanted Soundtrack -

"I’ll be here soon, to a hood near you." ^_^

Ode to Kevin

2009-07-23T22:04:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I feel like I know you
enough to know when you’re in a good mood so
I can goof around with you and when you’re in a bad mood
so I have to shut up and go away but you always end up proving me
wrong because when I expect you to be boastful you take credit away from
yourself and when I expect you to stand your ground you wallow in self-pity
and doubt yourself and it makes me think if I do know you as much as I assume
I do but at the end of the day I tell myself that fine maybe I don’t know you
that well and I don’t know why you act that way and maybe I’ll never know
you as well as other closer people do and maybe I’ll never know why you
act that way but what I do know is that you have my respect and my
trust because you earned it and as long as I believe that you’re
doing what you think is right and what you think is best
you will never really be alone like you say you are –

Because I’m here for you. ^_^