cause it’s frightening to be swimming in this strange sea but i’d rather be here than on land

 

When she falls in love, she falls in love with the little things.

The way he always asks for a third fork when they eat cake because he knows she’ll likely drop hers at one point (she’s clumsy like that); the way he remembers it when she points at a road when they’re in the car and tells him she wonders where it’s headed, and the next time they’re in the same place he’ll say he looked it up and knows where it goes and asks if she wants them to go through that road and see; the way she likes to look right at him when she’s talking to him and he looks right back at her even when he shouldn’t because he’s driving, and he always meets her gaze and smiles back.

Sometimes she wonders if there will ever be another man like him in her life.


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my heart's already breaking baby go on twist the knife


 

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and i'm running but you're getting away

 

well this is it now

She counted the days and came up with 12. Her stomach sinks - it sounds like an awfully small number - but then she realizes that that is about half of everything. Time by itself is fleeting; borrowed time even much more.

She wasn't ready the first time and it hit so hard. 

She swears she'll be ready this time. 

-

everybody get down

"I told him to call you..."

She keeps the smile plastered on her face but inside there is a storm of white rage and stygian despondence. It's ridiculous, she thinks to herself, and she's being very immature, making an issue out of this - but the fact is, it is how she feels. That she's trying to be mature enough by making excuses and hiding the hurt from everyone is a small consolation.

She debates whether she should ask him about it later or just let it all go. She reminds herself that all the other times she's doubted him, he's set the record straight... and then reminds herself harder that she shouldn't be feeling this way because she's supposed to be walking away.

-

this is all i can take

She remembers the warmth of his hand. The clarity of his laughter. The way his eyes follow her, the way he can look right at her. She almost can't breath whenever she thinks that soon enough he will be gone - all of it will be gone - and everything will just be a memory. 

Her car still smells like him the next day. 

-

this is how a heart breaks


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tinanong mo pa talaga


alam mo naman ang sagot, gusto mo lang talagang marinig.

ikaw. lagi't laging ikaw. 


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a niente

 

 kung hindi tayo
ako parin ba

 

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i knew from the start

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pour a little salt we were never here


sometimes i have to remember that time not too long ago when you were already in my life but i didn't need you the way i feel i do now.



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the thing about self destruction is that it happens all the time

 


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how do i not miss you when you are gone

So she sits there quietly and stares straight right ahead but inside all she can think of is how surreal it all feels. 

It is one thing to know a lie and another to live it. One thing to laugh and another to know that your happiness is borrowed and there's always a cost and it is always steep.

She wonders when - and how - it will all end. 

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every picture tells a story

what's meant to be will be. 

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and as the sky is falling down it crashed into this lonely town

Binigay nya lahat ng hiningi mo.

Pwede ba maging masaya ka nalang sa lahat ng nangyari at bitiwan mo na kase alam mo naman na ikaw din ang lugi dito sa huli.

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i know your heart

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and i'm out of my league once again


He sits beside her and she smells his perfume
and he says something and she smiles.

She rests her chin on her hand and looks at a distance
and says something in reply and he laughs.

He runs his fingers through his hair and she turns to him
 and he looks back at her.

And everything is fine.

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and oh i’ve known it for the longest time


okay naman tayo sa ganito, diba?

and all my hope, all my words
are all over written on the signs
when you're on my road
walking me home, home, home, home, home

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put your ear to the speaker

and choose love or sympathy, but never both

 -

She looks into his eyes and realizes two things.

How much she misses seeing him look at her like that,

and that he is a good person.


And she wants him to always be that good person.

-

"Bat di kita sumasagot pag tumatawag ako?" He asks, half playful, half earnest. There is no anger or virulence or hurt.

She lets her lips curl into a resigned smile. "Wag mo na itanong."

He laughs and looks away.

-

to the love i left my conscience pressed, between the pages of the bible in the drawer
what did it ever do for me I say

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she thought about it and laughed




Maybe, but she has more pride than jealousy, if it comes down to that.

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Thank you Fifinn :')


Thank you for 8 years of being a good boy. 
Rest now in doggy heaven. 


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nothing good starts in a getaway car



you were driving the getaway car
we were flyin’ but we’d never get far

Tas naisip nya, yung tulay na yon, parang silang dalawa – ang ganda nung una dahil pag gabi lang nya nakikita, pero ngayong may araw na at naglakas loob na siyang lapitan… parang hindi pala.

don't pretend it’s such a mystery
think about the place where you first met me

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B

I've told you so many things so many times and yet it still feels like I haven't said enough. I could write another thousand words, but you already know everything I want to say. You have always known.

Thank you for everything, it is a life-long honor to be 'raised' by you.

You are still No. 1 Ninong at my wedding. :)

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淡くほろ苦い


From now on, it'll be on my terms. 


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and if the city never sleeps then that makes two

"Don't think about it", he says simply - four short words after she tells him how guilty she is, how disappointed she is at herself, how she wishes it was all over. 

 She knows he's trying to make her feel better. He's said everything he needs to say and she's heard everything she needs to hear and she knows the heart is just a bloody motor, the head is meant to drive... but sometimes that's not enough. 

 "Don't think about it", he says. He's trying to be kind, and she thanks him for it. But she knows she should think about it. She should keep it in her mind. She should always remember. 

She shouldn't hurt people who've done nothing to deserve it. 

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have a little faith in me

she gave up
 he didn't.

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deep as the river runs, warm as the morning sun


"How to...?"

He reaches out to her instinctively, without thinking. She's a bit more aware and draws back - and dies a little inside when she sees the look in his eye as he realizes what he's doing. 

He begins to mouth something (an explanation? an apology?) but he doesn't even get the first syllable out. 

She smiles. Meekly, unlike the bouts of loud laughter that they're used to having between them. It's really the only thing she can do. 

He smiles back. 

- 

Please, remember me.

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i'm thinking of you all the while


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i talk a lot of shit when i'm drinking baby


00:01

She realizes that neither of them say ‘Hello’ anymore now when the other calls.

00:14

She usually seriously needs something. He usually has some gripe with life.

00:47

One of them says something and they both laugh.

01:20

They keep talking and they keep laughing.

03:25

She says something tangential (she always does). He has something to say about that (he always has).

20:25

There are a lot of tangents. And intersections. And parallels.

21:48

And they always laugh.

24: 53

Sometimes she’ll be pensive or reflective.

25:32

He’ll usually agree. If he doesn’t, he’ll try to make her agree with him.

26:09

Pliant, though, is not one of the words to describe her.

29:51

There is always an argument.

29:57

Within that argument are many laughs.

32:16

When he wins, she’ll roll her eyes and concede that he’s right. When she wins, he’ll tell her “Basta, ganon yon.”

33:00

She’ll say something and he’ll tell her that it reminds him of something his grandmother used to say.

35:33

He’ll tell her some story from his childhood.

40:09

She’ll tell him some story from when she was a kid.

42:28

There is a word that she’s bound to use wrong and he’ll laugh at her.

42:29

She will laugh at herself.

44:45

She’ll glance at the running numbers and see how long it’s been and feel guilty because she’s breaking all the non-promises she made Lawi.

45:50

She tells him something came up.

45:55

They never end their calls by saying ‘Bye’ either.

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you made a choice to be good


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yurari yurari yureru


ぼく わ きみのとなりで

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endless line


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last year's wishes are this year's apologies

the best way to make it through with hearts and wrists intact

-

"Is that what we call him now, 'boss'?"

 "What the - no, I -"

 There's five thousand words spilling out of her head and every letter snags at her throat. She wants to tell him that no she doesn't call him that, no she wouldn't have told him that he called when they're using voice coms on loudspeaker like that, actually he doesn't have to call to ask how she is because he knows because they -

 - but then she realizes that she'd only be telling him that she's not doing what she says she will and what he says she should do, so she bites her lip and shuts up.

 What was that quote that he sent her, like, last week?

-

is to realize that two out of three aint bad

 -

 "Friendship is just giving each other the same advice and no one taking it."

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and trust me i'll give it a chance

-

Alam ko naman binagalan mo.
Now take my hand, stop, put Van the Man on the jukebox
And then we start to dance

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i guess you know i've been away

where i'm heading, who knows


Because it's four in the morning and she's up thinking about principles and morality and being human and being weak and that damned line she can barely keep toeing when she knows she's better than that and she has to be better than wanting to be that.

but my heart will stay the same

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