Ode to Vin

Here’s to all those early mornings
For the betrayals and the deceit
For the favors done and the favors returned
For the superficiality that broke my heart early
Here’s to me and to you.

Here’s to all those quiet afternoons
For the words of the wise and the words of the fool
For the trust and the time
For the sincerity that kept demons at bay
Here’s to me and to you.

Here’s to all those late nights
For the fears and the doubts and the uncertainties
For the hopes and the dreams
For the gin and the tequila and the Dunhill sticks
For the silent rides and the silent walks home
For the hushed voices and whispered words
For the longing and asking and pleading
That I wanted to but could not answer
Here’s to me and to you.

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Kase sa Totoo Lang

Kase sa totoo lang, nasasaktan ako pag nakikita kitang ganyan.

Kase sa totoo lang, gusto din kitang yakapin at sabihin sayo na maaayos din to lahat.

Kase sa totoo lang, kahit alam kong hindi tama, dumating sa point na naisip ko ng gawin para sayo.

Kase sa totoo lang...

Kaya lang ngayon kailangan gawin ko kung ano ang tama.

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Red Days

I've been bleeding unused placentas about once a month for the last six years of my life, more decently called having my menstrual cycle or period. When something happens as regularly as that, I guess the practical thing to do is deal and get used to it, right? After all, females are expected to go through this once every month until they're about fifty.

Not me.

Until now I really haven't settled to feeling comfortable whenever it's the time of the month. I've never really gotten used to feeling so wetly dirty, feeling so heavy, having cramps all the time, checking now and then if my pants have stains, checking for spots of red in my bed sheets, wanting to be in the shower the whole day - I could go on and one for hours but let's not do that. Cutting all the crap, what I'm saying is that I've hated my period since time immemorial.

Sometimes I think that it's one of the reasons why I don't like kids. After all, the only reason why females go through such an ordeal is because it's how we can bear offspring. Right now though, I'm indifferent. Kids or no kids, I just want this period to stop.

I hate red days.

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Hindi Ko Na Matiis

My Agu family is going through trying times right now.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen it this way before. So many emotions are swirling around, anxiety looms all over and uncertainty casts dark shadows that the light of truth, faith and kinship can’t seem to drive away yet.

Smack right in the middle of it is the only constant family I have in UP besides Lambda Gamma.

The drama unfolds like it’s some kind of Kapamilya soap opera and the org’s members, including me, are the characters. You have your lead characters not entirely agreeing with each other, your supporting characters doing a lot of talking among themselves of course about the lead characters, and the extras passing by, still blissfully oblivious to everything that’s happening.

Sometimes I wish it were a soap opera indeed. So the director could just scream ‘cut!’ and everything would stop.

And everything would go back to normal again.

Things are going to get better soon, right?

"I will live not for myself alone. Forever in the UP Aguman I will belong."

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WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

This turned out to be one of the craziest days I’ve ever had.

1. I’m invited to the orientation of Robby’s frat’s sister sorority.

During the first weeks of this happy-crush turned madness (thanks to my ever so supportive friends), I thought that I’d be ecstatic if I ever found myself invited to be his sis. Well, I figured out that realistically speaking, ‘Sis’ was the closest that I wanted to be with this guy . Now, however, ecstatic is the last word that I’d use to describe what I feel.

2. This man we know as Jerome Caylao never ceases to amaze me.

So a few months back I learned that the guy I used to know as simply ‘the conyo’ is nothing like what I thought him to be. He speaks Kapampangan and pure, unadulterated tagalog most the time, plus lo and behold, he’s also an anime fan! (Just when does a classic conyo guy talk about Bleach’s Aizen Sousuke?) As if that wasn’t enough, today I also learned that he actually loves babysitting his nephews, to the point where he held his nephew Ryan Marco in his arms all the time the newborn was sick.

Now that is definitely not the Kuya Joms I know. ^_^

3. Nathaniel Hawthorn said that happiness was like a butterfly, which flies away farther from you the more you grasp it. Sit still and quietly and it will alight upon you by itself.

I’ve been ‘chasing’ my ‘happiness’ for a good few weeks now, which came in the form of peace of mind since an orgmate and I got into a petty quarrel that led to a cold war. Bothered that I didn’t know where we actually stood, tried to ask him again and again about when we were going to talk again, but to no avail. I finally gave up and decided just to forget all about him and the quarrel. Tonight, however, he sent a message saying he had gone over his childishness and wanted to offer peace to someone. How could I not accept?

I don’t know what your reasons are for the sudden change of mind, but I appreciate the effort, Kuya Bong.

4. I am still nominated for a position in my org’s executive council.

No offense to the electoral board, but this one really pisses me off. I don’t understand why they accepted so many rejection letters of other nominess but they didn’t accept mine. The standing nomination just makes things a lot more complicated.

I’d love to be the Educ head, but at this point in my life, I can’t afford to focus on anything else but my studies. If I take on both my acads and chairpersonship at the same time, one will have to be taken for granted. And it sure as hell can’t be my acads.

If I do win, I don’t want to hear anyone complain about my less than satisfactory performance as a chairperson. They have been warned, I will without second thought sacrifice Aguman for my Acads should I come to the point where I need to.

Waaaaaaaaah! Crazy day!

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METACHROMATIC

It sucks.

I mean, how it feels when you look forward to something and then it doesn’t happen. In a single second, all the warm, fuzzy, positive anticipation that’s been building up inside that Cro-magnon skull (or ribcage, if you believe that feelings come from the heart) of yours flies out of the window and dives straight into Sauron’s Black Pit, where it becomes the detestable feeling of bitterness.

The event was a total blast. True, there weren’t any free food to eat, fun games to play and even time to just sit down and tell stories – basically what we had to do was work our beautiful asses off - but my awesome friends were enough to turn hell into a playground for the naughty little devils that we were. And boy, it was one heck of a playground.

She was… rather, he was there – nah, it still doesn’t sound right - …Fine, IT was there. For whatever reason it had to be there. Inexplicably it didn’t want to quarrel with me like it usually did – okay, okay - inexplicably I did not want to quarrel with it like I usually did. So we were all smiles and friendly chats to each other, and to my horror, it wasn’t that bad. It was actually… fun.

The day was good. Great, actually. And I would have been completely happy…

…if it weren’t for the fact that the person who really mattered was not there.

“Lady Dreamer, you might be the soundest sleeper
Tonight, sleep tight, and build your nest upon my shoulder…”
-Clockwatching, Jason Mraz

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To Eleven Dear Men in My Life

The title pretty much says it all. Just note that it’s ‘To Eleven Dear Men’ and not ‘To the Eleven DEAREST Men.”

1. Captain Kunimitsu

You know I’d do everything for you, and you know I did. I’m just sorry it wasn’t enough to make you happy - I’m just not the one you need right now. Still, thank you for being a good friend and always keeping in touch. We may not be able to see each other often, but is the fact that four years came by before we had the chance to see each other again not enough proof that our friendship can withstand time and space? Remember that I am and will always be here, and yes, I’m still ready to hijack a plane for you. ^_^

2. Zero

We don’t even know each other’s real names. All I know is that you’re a VF addict in NJ and all you know is that I’m a VF newbie in your homeland. But you befriended me and looked after me like an older brother. Thank you for teaching me commands and combos, telling me stories about your life here and there and for making the dojo a wonderful place for me. You will always be my first friend there. I don’t think I’ll ever beat your Akira, but hey, I can always blame the lag. ^_^

3. Basha’s Dad

Thank you for being a very patient, very helpful and very supportive buddy to me, even though I had to drop my application. The first time I met you, you really intimidated me but I’m glad I worked up the courage to get to know you better. Now I think of you as one of the best people I’ve ever met, not only because of your unique personality and your quirky attitude, but because of your big heart. Keep your cooking delicious, your body fit and your personality awesome. Don’t worry about Basha’s mom – you’re a great guy and I’m sure she knows that. ^_^

4. The King of Chocolates

If there’s something I could do for the rest of my life, it’s probably talk to you, because for me that passes for a ‘dynamic and continuous learning process’ that at most times beats the things I learn in this supposedly ‘best’ academic institution. I know you say that only the people who don’t know you say that you’re wise, but I say that the people who really know you know that you are even wiser than you appear to be. Thank you for always being there to counsel me whenever I think I need it and whenever you think I need it (of course you end up being right. ^_^) and for telling the most inspiring, ponder-inducing and entertaining stories. You know I regard you very highly, and I hate the fact that I’m running out of time to spend with you, but just like with Kuya Feps I know that this bond Aguman gave us will not break easily.

5. Seat Number 17

Five reasons.

One, because a lot of times you’re an arrogant bastard (I would’ve said bitch but bastard sounds better), but I won’t have you any other way.
Two, because past the tough exterior you wrap yourself in, I know that inside, you’re a sweet, generous and thoughtful guy who cares.
Three, because I don’t think you see what I want you to see, but it’s alright.
Four, because just for the record, I want you to know that I care too. A lot.
And five, because I could think of a million other places to be, but I’d rather stay here and watch you sleep.

6. Chinelefers

I’ve got a lot of things to be sorry for. Like seldom having the time for you, taking you and our friendship for granted, and in general, not being a good friend. Thank you for being very patient and considerate, and for still being there. We may not be as close as we used to be, but I want you to know that I’ll always hold our happy memories very dearly. I may not have been a good friend all the time, but know that I never and will never forget that Chinelefers is forever. ^_^

7. Kodomo

You have no idea how I much I miss those days when we could just sit and talk casual, trivial things. When you were not yet my boss and I was not yet your charge. When you were still the old you and I was still the old me. Still, thank you for trusting me and believing in the things I can do. I admit that I don’t always deliver, but that fact never even made your trust falter even a bit. That means a lot to me, really – and you do too. ^_^

8. E2A

Funny how something inside my head (actually, inside my rib cage is more like it) insisted that you should be on this list, given the fact that we barely even talk to each other. That having been said, is it a surprise that I don’t know what to say? Well, here’s a shot at nothing. >Insert my signature smiling face here< I’m glad that at least I got to know you, and I’m sad that I won’t be getting to know you better anytime soon.

9. Apple Vodka

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but despite everything that happened between you and me and everything that happened between me and him, you’re still dear to me. I can’t believe I’m saying this either, but I actually miss you. As a friend, at least. I wish things didn’t have to change.

10. Venom

Funny how I always go out of my way to see if the lights on your room are on, and how I secretly smile to myself when they are. Fuck that, don’t mind my blabbing about the lights in your room. You know that what I really want to say is that I miss you. ^_^ Take care of yourself, boy, the last time I saw you your skin seems to be really pale and your mind out of focus. And thank you for the wonderful summer – indeed one of the best in my life. I know you’re going to hit it big someday. ^_^

11. Storageonly

A lot of the people around me don’t even know you, but your name has become such a common word to them and now often associated with me. You know, a lot of times I wonder how you’re doing now if the cultural belief that you bite your tongue every time someone talks about you behind your back is true. You must’ve lost that sweet tongue of yours a long time ago, huh?

Seriously, thank you for giving me a kind of ‘identity’. Having a happy crush on you isn’t always easy, but it is always fun. Thank you for being kind and patient around me, and for always serving as an inspiration. And yeah, I’m still going to enlist on Tour 181, if only to have your mother be my prof. ^_^ Advance happy birthday, Rabbit!

Happy Hearts’ Week, everyone!

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