Endless Line

Ang Alamat Ni Chef Nic

I tried to cook dinner tonight. ^_^

Yes, after spending the whole afternoon watching Jimmy Neutron, I got up and decided that I was going to cook dinner for me and my friends tonight. Now that would sound quite ordinary, except for the fact that you know I can’t cook.

As Pau says, hindi ako mapagpanggap. I know that there are things I’m good at, like being lazy or annoying my sister, but cooking is definitely NOT one of them. The best I’ve ever managed is cup noodles (the one you just add water to) and even then sometimes the noodles end up too soft.

Heck, the last time I tried to just help out cooking, I destroyed the whole meal. Apparently the water wasn’t hot enough when I added the egg to the soup that Joyce was cooking, and tata! Nobody wanted to eat the soup, even me. In fact, it still sits in Janine’s fridge today.

So how did tonight’s cooking go? Simple.

Pau turned on the stove and put oil into the frying pan for me. The oil got really hot and started to make weird sounds, so I retreated to the living room and asked her to put the meat in for me. Awful crackling sounds followed. I got really scared, so I stayed in the living room and watched the news with Janine.

“Lulutuin mo na yung hotdogs?” Pau called out. I listened for more crackling sounds, and when I heard none, I shouted back “Yup yup!”

I went to the kitchen and saw Pau turning the meat over so the other side would cook. Now came the cackling sounds I was listening for, accompanied by hot oil jumping off the frying pan like fireworks on New Year’s Day! I screamed in horror and retreated back to the living room, where I sat down and hugged the big pillow. I heard my friends laugh. Ang bad nila no?

Pau told me she was just going to microwave the hotdogs. Would I like to plug the microwave on? Of course I answered no. Everyone knows I’m scared of plugging electric appliances on. Ayokong makuryente. Si Rafael nga pahirapan i-charge e.

Pau called me and Janine when dinner was done. After ensuring that nothing was cooking anymore, I went to the kitchen and got the food I cooked, which Pau already kindly transferred to the serving plates, and took the food to the dining table. ^_^ Ang galing kong mag-luto, no?

Okay, so maybe I’m just not meant for the kitchen. Or maybe I just haven’t given it enough time and effort. As much as I love eating, I find cooking really arduous. And scary. (Although between Math and cooking, I’ll go for the latter.)

Fittingly, the guy who I said I was going to marry in the Kiss Fuck Marry we Baskals had in our last bonding, said that he knows someday gugustuhin ko ring matutunan magluto so that I could cook for someone. ^_^ After all, the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

Now Rex Dizon is a very wise man, and I’ll believe anything he says. ^_^ In that case, I guess I’ll just have to hire a chef.

Falling Slowly

Nawawala ang muse ko. Sabi ng Encarta yun yung source of inspiration ng mga artists. Pag walang muse, walang inspiration. Pag walang inspiration, walang masulat. Well, hindi naman exactly wala, pwedeng ipagpilitang magsulat, pero pangit ang result. Parang tong entry na to. Ni hindi nga ako makapag-english ng maayos kaya mixed to.

Sa totoo lang alam ko namang wala akong matinong masusulat dahil nga nawawala ang muse ko, pero nagrereklamo ang friends ko na hindi na daw ako nag-uupdate ng blog kaya eto, pinagpilitan ko talagang mag-update. Bear with me.

“And games that never amount
To more than they’re meant
Will play themselves out”

Gusto ko syang tinitignan pag hindi siya nakatingin. Either pag nag-aaral sya or pag tulog siya or pag nag-aaral sya tapos magpapahinga sya at pipikit sya saglit. Haha, mas maganda ang pagkakasabi dun sa Read Between the Lines, yung ‘glances at you from lowered lashes when you’re not looking’.

Syempre freaky naman kung alam niyang tinitignan ko sya, kaya pag nakita kong inalis na niya yung mata niya sa book or gumising na sya, titingin na ako sa kahit ano pang pwedeng tignan. Tahimik lang sya, tapos mag-aaral na naman sya or matutulog sya ulit.

Parang taguan lang.

“Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can’t go back”

It gives me the feeling that I have the better of him, in the sense na may alam akong hindi niya alam. Haha, ako alam ko kung kelan niya ako tinitignan. Sya hindi nya alam kung kelan ko siya tinitignan.

Alam ko na nakatingin sya sakin habang iniisip ko kung anong card ang ibababa ko pag naglalaro kami ng pusoy. Alam ko na tinitignan nya ako pag nagsusulat ako, na hinihintay lang niyang ibalik ko yung takip ng pen ko bago nya kunin yung papel at basahin yung sinulat ko. Alam ko na pinanonood nya ako pag kumakain ako ng chocolate, kase na-aamaze sya na I lick off the melted cocoa off my fingers.

At the same time, it gives me the feeling that he has the better of me.

Hindi ko na mapigilang tignan sya e.

“You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It’s time that you won”

Pinakagusto ko pag pinapanood ko siyang matulog. Pag gising kase sya parang lagi syang busy, laging may acads, laging may kailangang gawin. Pero pag tulog sya, nag-iiba. Ang peaceful nyang tignan.

Gusto ko pag nakapikit sya kase natitignan ko sya the way I want to, without having to worry about him knowing that I’m looking. Kaya ngayong katabi ko sya sa sasakyan at natutulog siya, I’ve decided na mamaya nalang ako matutulog pagdating sa bahay kahit inaantok na rin ako. Panonoorin ko nalang muna sya.

The skies are orange this afternoon. Naaalala ko yung sinabi nya dati. Gusto daw niya pag orange yung langit kase may something hopeful about it. Syempre lagi akong detractor, sabi ko di ba blue ang color na nag-sisymbolize sa hope? Sabi nya basta.

Dumilat ang mga mata nya, dahan-dahan. Hindi na ako nakagalaw. Kung may isang bagay na mas masarap panoorin kesa sa pagtulog nya, yon ang pag-gising nya.

Nginitian lang nya ako.

“Pinapanood moko, no?”

May something hopeful nga yata pag orange ang langit.

“Take this singking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice, you had the choice
You’ve made it now
Falling slowly, sing your melody
I’ll sing along”

Haha, sabi ko sa inyo tae to e.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song Falling Slowly and no copyright infringement is intended. ^_^ Don’t sue, it’s bad.

Ode to Kuya Joms

hi nic, is that your tooth?

yup, tinanggal kahapon.

yada yada yada yada

kuya may itatanong sana ako sayo.

go on.

[ Type ‘sino si r’… backspace backspace backspace.]

SILENCE.

[ deep breath. blithe fingers. now or never again.]

kuya sino si ryan?

SILENCE.

haha. captain ng econ volleyball team. bakit?

respect. friendship. trust.

i think i know what you mean… do you want me to explain?

Respect. Friendship. Trust.

[Type ‘um’… backspace backspace .]

RESPECT. FRIENDSHIP. TRUST.

you don’t have to explain anything to me, kuya. ^_^

Ouch!

It began last week with a slight sharp sensation near the end of my jaw. Being the carefree person that I am, I just shrugged it off. There was a perfect explanation for that: I was growing a wisdom tooth. I could see the milky white surface surrounded by pink flesh.

Wisdom teeth always hurt when they first appear, right?

But soon enough it got worse. I knew that there was something wrong with my bite; I could feel that that part of my gums was swollen, and I couldn’t eat properly anymore. The pain was tolerable but I decided to visit my dentist anyway.

She took one look at the oral X-ray results and said that it was bad.

Apparently, my wisdom tooth was too big. It would never grow out properly because it was impacted, no more space left for it to grow on, and it was just going to hurt more and more if it wasn’t removed ASAP.

“Remove my wisdom tooth?” I gasped. How the hell are you going to remove a tooth that hasn’t even come out?

I should have gotten the first clue about how bad it was going to get from my dentist’s answer: Wag mo ng itanong. Ako na ang bahala.

And then hell descended upon poor little me.

A three-inch long needle pricked my mouth four times for the anesthesia delivery, and after a few minutes my dentist got this small little scissor-like thing and began cutting something inside my mouth (later on I learned that she had to cut away all the flesh surrounding my wisdom tooth so it could be exposed.)

Thankfully the anesthesia worked well, although I recognized the metallic taste of blood.

Next was the extraction itself. I didn’t really feel my tooth being pulled out, but after the extraction I knew that I was in trouble when my dentist jabbed a whole ball of cotton on my gum and it came out all red.

She did it three more times, and all of the cotton balls and gauzes came out all red too. In the end I needed four stitches to close the wound.

My dentist said that it was going to hurt when the numbing drug wore off, and I should have believed her. When we got home I started to feel my mouth again, and I also started to feel the pain. It hurt so bad that for the first time in a long, long time, I cried myself to sleep.

Not even Adam Lambert’s slick and suave get-up was enough to take my mind off the pain.

I feel a little better now, although it still hurts a lot. My dentist said it’ll feel like this for a few days. I guess Mefanamic Acid is going to be my new best friend.

On the other hand, I did ask my dentist for my tooth, and I have it at home. A little souvenir of this very painful experience.

You think the tooth fairy will pay me a visit?

Read Between the Lines

She doesn’t like falling for friends, you hear her say once.

She points out that friendship is a price too high for a one in a million shot at the unpredictable gamble called romantic love. If things don’t work out, (which is often the case, she said) the friendship is lost forever and there’s no getting it back.

You nod slowly in slight agreement, thinking that she has a point, but you keep the doors open for other arguments. In the meantime you tell her that love is a subject too broad, no sure answers to any questions.

She just laughs and says that she finds it funny that you are talking about love. What’s funny about that, you ask. Of course you talk about love.

Now lately you notice that you two get together more often. Not necessarily just the two of you, most of the time you’re actually with a crowd, but you do spend more time with each other compared to the past few months. You notice that she’s bubblier than usual, her smiles seem brighter and she seems happier in general. And you see that she’s started writing poems again.

Idly you wonder what’s up; but of course you never ask her. None of your business, you tell yourself. So you just keep quiet and you never mention the things you notice.

Then you read the poems. She never explicitly indicates who they are for and she is never generous with clues (again, you never ask her anything, you don’t even tell her that you’ve actually read her poems) but being the smart person that you are, you think you know what this is about.

She must be in love, right?

‘With who?’ is your next question.
With a classmate in some subject?
With a friend’s friend?
With someone you know?
With… you?

You laugh at yourself for your last thought. You remind yourself that she’s always been clear about where she stands when it comes to falling for friends.

You are her friend, she would not fall for you.

At any rate, you try to be more careful around her, so she doesn’t get the slightest idea about what you’re thinking. You smiles are more reserved, you think twice before you approach her and you cautiously choose the words you use.

You don’t know if it’s just you, but she seems to be more careful around you too these days. Sometimes you swear she hesitates before approaching you… but whenever she starts the conversation, it just flows on and goes on naturally, the way it has always been.

So you dismiss the thought with a shrug and tell yourself to mind your own business.

What you don’t know is that something is really up.
What you don’t know is that she goes out of her way for you now.
What you don’t know is that her full laughter around you means something.
What you don’t know is that she glances at you from lowered lashes whenever you’re not looking.

What you should know is that of course she isn’t perfect. Sometimes she breaks promises.

Even those that she makes to herself.

Ode to Lance

Ode to Gentleness

Let it steam beneath
Let it lie between grinding teeth
Your even breaths
My slowly fluttering eyes
An explosion of bright lights
Words are tongue and lip-covered
Yet many just fall out, again
Spilled indiscreetly
Whispers spiraling into screams

Lead me to the rush upstream
Glide up and down
In and out
Down below, serpentine
But save a tear for the moon
And for these stained sheets
The nightmares always come later

Every touch is a confession
Waste your last dime
Make a good fire out of the wood
And don this wanton love
By your side
On your shoulder
In your mind
Over your heart

…now close these doors you tore apart.

Ito ang nagagawa ng walang ginagawa. Hindi mo naiintindihan no? Ako din e.