i see fire

she is fire and she wants to be loved like fire


She is fire and she wants to be loved like fire

With sparks, with heat, with passion

With flames that burn tall and fiery and red

Fervent fevers that consume

Embers that glow and smoulder

Even her name means ardent


But he is the sea

Spectral dark blue water

Deep and quiet, never screams like fire

He is the Cheshire moon at midnight

Smiling silently over the waves

That softly whisper songs to the shore


I love you, he tells her


But sometimes it all feels too cold


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exile

i gave so many signs (so many signs, so many signs)


He used to take pictures of her when she didn't know it. Pictures of her walking, eating, lighting candles at church. 

She was so happy when she first saw those pictures. 

Now she takes stolen pictures of him all the time. 

But he doesn't do that to her anymore.

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Task List

2023 Task List


1. Learn new piano pieces.

2. Go on a solo hike.

3. Go to a bar and drink.

4. Renew accounts on time.

5. Market at least 1 new account.

6. Ask for 1 week break.

7. Go to therapy again and sort out personal issues.

8. Track budget and expenses.

9. Get and use credit cards efficiently.

10. Write more creative works.


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forgetful

you got that james dean daydream look in your eye





and i got that red lip classic thing that you like

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forgetful

i listen to sad songs

 

singing about love
and where it goes wrong

-

He looks into the camera, eyes filled with the same annoyance and frustration creasing his forehead and lacing his voice as he vents about how he just wants them to communicate instead of having her keep it all in and keep him guessing. 

She looks away silently. All her life she's been told that language is her strong suit, and yet at that moment she is at a loss for words. He thinks it's so easy - that any problem can be solved if they talk about it, that any concern can be accepted because they love each other enough. 

Because that is how he is. 

And she feels so goddamn guilty that she doesn't feel the same, and she doesn't know how to tell him all of that. Because she tried, she's trying really, and really really hard but he just doesn't understand because he thinks it should be easy but -

The tears are there before she even knows it. He looks at her from the corner of his eye and for one split second, she can hear his heart breaking. 

He takes her into his arms and places his hand on hers. He is warm and assuring and all the exasperation is gone, just like that. 

"You can take your time. You can take your time if you're not comfortable." He says softly.

And in that moment, she has never felt so loved. 



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feeling ko lang

and time is taking its sweet time erasing you


 "Happy birthday Jens!"

"Thank you dear. It's been a while, we must catch up again!"

She knows she should leave it there, but she can't help but click on the Jens' page and see. It's the same pictures he used to post years before, of his girlfriend and their children. People who welcomed her into their family, people who for a long time she always thought would be her own family. 

People who are now strangers with whom she shares distant memories. 

Jackie is beautiful as ever, and busy with the bakery. There's pictures of the kids all over and some of trips abroad. And then... there's one from Danielle, with the man she used to call Love - the one Danielle now calls Babe.  

Jackie leaves a joke in the comments, a funny quip about Danielle, and Babe reacts with a laugh. It stings. Of course, Jackie has always been kind, it's no surprise she would welcome Danielle the way she welcomed her into their family years ago. But it's just... different, to see them all happily moved on while she is all alone. 

She closes the app.

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supermarket flowers


You write this in your car

Heart pounding like brass drums

Stomach churning and vomit rising up your throat

Three unopened pregnancy tests on the passenger seat


You'd like to think you're just overreacting

The numbers should be on your side after all

Why did you have to search what certain things mean?

It could be a many things

What are the odds that it's exactly the one you don't want?


You think about yourself

How this will change your world, at a time when you want stability

You think about him

How you have no doubts about him, but you are not sure about you two

You think about your mother, your friends

What all of them are going to say

You think about all those strangers who wrote about getting knocked up when they don't want to be

And you almost want to laugh bitterly because God

You almost told them off, only to find yourself here now


You wish with everything you have that you're just overreacting

That things will stay the way they are

The only thing to do now is

Find out


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