Digesting a Heartbreak
4 years ago
I'm Sorry
I hate lying to you.
Especially when you tell me after I lie that although you’re not sure if what I said makes any sense at all, you still believe me.
I don’t know which is worse: that I doubt the things you say when a student is supposed to trust his teacher, or that you trust me completely even though we barely know each other and I am taking advantage of it.
It’s not like I want to do this. I want to treat you with the respect, honesty and deference that you deserve from me since you are my teacher and I am a principled student. If I didn’t have to care about anything else, I wouldn’t lie. Unfortunately, I’m not in that position.
I hate lying to you.
I’m sorry. :(
UNO
So, exactly what do you write for your first blog entry?
You heard (or rather, read) that right. After months of being persuaded by the people around me to come up with a little corner for myself, I finally gave in and spent almost ten grueling hours constructing this blog site. (Wondering what I spent those ten hours on? Well, sweetheart, the background template took six hours and four hundred fifty eight internet pages. Yes, I counted. I leave the rest to your imagination.)
Which brings us back to my question – now that I actually have a blog, what should my first entry be?
I suppose I could tell you about myself. Yeah, that would be nice. As Charlie Harper had said, no woman ever came home from a date and complained that all she did was talk about herself. But then again, you probably learned about this blog because you’re a relative, friend or an existing contact; otherwise you found the link in either Fanfiction.net, where you know me as doctor.yakushi or in virtuafighter.com where you know me as shou’s ‘sister’ of sorts, or some other online community where my username is something related to Yakushi Kabuto. Bottom line, you know me already.
Or I could tell you about what happened to me today. Except that January 15, 2009 to me can simply be summarized by the sentence ‘I woke up, went to school and went home, as usual’. Enough said.
Maybe I could tell you about my great love for a myriad of things – like the Dallas Mavericks, dogs, taking long, hot baths, walking around my university’s academic oval during afternoons and singing – but I’ll only get depressed. I’ll only be reminded that: one, the Dallas Mavericks now suck because Devin Harris and Avery Johnson are gone. Two, my puppy Tobi died last month because my dad ran over him with our car. Three, I can’t take those long hot baths I love except when I’m home in Pampanga because hell is freezing over Diliman and heaters are ambitious illusions. Four, it’s midterms month and I have to study so I can’t go around strolling. And five… you know I can’t sing.
A friend suggested that I tell you what you should expect to read here. That would have been great, if it weren’t for the fact that I don’t even know what I’m going to write about for my next entries. Another friend told me to explain why I finally decided to blog. Unfortunately again the answer could be summarized in a single sentence: I got tired of keeping it all to myself. I’ve got nothing else to say.
Or maybe… maybe my fist blog entry should be about how I’m trying to decide what it should be about. ^_^
