it's a song

they say



they say give it time
give it time and it will fall in line
but i keep wondering how and when and why



, by
let go let it all go

diary ng nag psycotherapy


-

"Did you love him?"

"..."

"It's alright if you don't answer aloud."

-

"But all your goals are still centered on him. You want to stop missing the things the two of you used to do. You want to stop associating him with everything. But what do you want for yourself that's not dependent on him?"

- 

"... and I remembered one of our better conversations after we had our falling out. Because for a time, he did try. We talked the whole morning during trading hours as usual, and then he napped, and then in the afternoon he told me that he was going to watch this series and he was thinking what snacks to order, probably burger and fries.

I told him 'Burger na naman. Diba nag burger ka palang kahapon.'

And after an hour he sent me a picture of a bowl of nachos. I told him it looks good and asked where he ordered it. He said he made it himself.

I said it looks restaurant made. He said 'Bola' and something else.

And I told him no, the onion slices are small so I never thought that he was the one who made it. 

The onion reference was from a conversation we had. We used to send each other pictures of the food we cooked or were eating, and he always cooked corned beef. On our last trip I told him that I get stressed every time I see his onion slices, because they were so big they looked like he sliced the damned onions into quarters. I said they should be smaller so they caramelize better, but he said he liked his onions crunchy so he slices them big and thick.

So yeah, I told him that I never thought he made the nachos because the onion slices were small.

And he replied that he's sliced his onions smaller ever since I told him about that.

And I cried because I knew it was true, there was no way that he just set all of that up to reference our onion conversation. And I thought, even though we were no longer okay, there was still part of me that he took with him, and he made it part of himself.

And then I cried even more because I remembered how attentive he used to be and I just miss him."

, by

minsan naiisip ko

 

Aware ka kaya na emotionally manipulative ka, or di mo na naiisip dahil natural lang yan sayo?


May karapatan ba akong magreklamo ngayon given how I tried to emotionally manipulate you before?

, by
let go let it all go

dear duke

 

and Lawi and Kuya Rex and Mike


I'm sorry. I know you're disappointed in me because I keep saying things that I start doing but don't stick to. Because you've all told me I'm settling and I can do so much better and I don't deserve to be miserable like this. Because I keep dragging this out, I keep beating this dead horse, I keep going back. 


One of these days I will be stronger. I will be wiser. I will be the girl you know me to be. 


One of these days I will choose myself. 


Just not today, I guess. 

, by
let go let it all go

im at a payphone trying to call home

 

all of my change i spent on you


-


"Why didn't u add me?"


-


Kase pinatatagal lang natin to pero alam natin pareho na wala naman nang patutunguhan.

Kase namili ka na. Narinig ko na sayo bago mo pa sabihin sa akin. 

Kase aalis ka din naman.


-


Where have the times gone

Baby it's all wrong

Where are the plans we made for two

, by