dear nic,
Never in a million years did you imagine that you would be celebrating your 31st birthday like this. Things are better, but they were really bad before they got here, and even now there are so many times when you feel like at any moment you will go back to the lowest point.
You will never forget him, and you will never forget this. And that's alright. Laugh at it, reflect on it, but don't you ever try to forget everything you went through because it made you a stronger person that any other man in your life has made you stronger.
Do not forget how your family bonded together to pull you through. How your mum cooked a fresh, hot meal for you every day even when you could eat only two spoonfuls of chicken soup. How your dad drove you to work every day. How your sister cried when she saw you crying, and decided that she needs to come home. How Dada sends you messages to try to cheer you up.
Do not forget Lawi and how he has been there for you althroughout, the one person you told everything to and never once judged you. Do not forget Mike, the first shoulder you really cried on to, who made sure you ate, who checks on you all the time. Do not forget Bong and his texts and emails, how patient he was when you were being extra sensitive. Do not forget Kuya Rex and how understanding he was even in the midst of his confusion about what you were going through, how he always told you that you are better than this.
Do not forget Mayor, who kept on pushing you to go back to normal, who kept telling you that time will heal you eventually, who gave you tough love because he knew you could take it. Do not forget RJ, who was always there, who talked to you about emotions and concepts the way only RJ does. Do not forget Jaeger and how he was always there even when you couldn't do the same for him.
Do not forget Pauline, how forgiving she was, how she assured you that everything will be fine.
Do not forget Arman who drives for you anywhere you want him to, who eats ramen with you and watches you eat waffles with cream when you're sad. Do not forget Divi and Rommel and Jem and Ate Alice, who sent you messages out of the blue just because they thought of you. Do not forget Rachel and how she tried to carry burdens that weren't hers because she wanted to help you. Do not forget Jacky, who made sure you ate because that was the only thing she could do.
I know you're trying, and I hope that three years from now you'd be able to look back at this and laugh - genuinely - because you know that things are going to be alright, because you know that things are going to be alright because you will make sure that they are.
You are strong, you are beautiful, you are loved - you have always been.
