Friday, March 11, 2011

Dutch Courage

Many nights ago, something happened and something pissed me off. I wanted to rant but at the back of my mind I knew that I might regret the things I'd say (don't we always regret the things we say when we're pissed off?) so I decided to have a friend translate my rants into Dutch - that way, I would be able to rant and nobody would know what I'm talking about. Win-win situation. OR SO I THOUGHT.

However, a formerly-emo-but-now-more-sneaky-than-emo boy who watches the video 'How to Date an Otaku' (under the guise of teaching her how to play a certain RTS game) was so sneaky that he actually found a way to translate everything I said. He told me that he knew what the post meant and I dunno, for some reason I was terrified. Not that I'm ashamed of what I posted - maybe it was because nobody involved was supposed to understand it but it turned out that someone did figure it out.

Oh, and it gets better. Formerly-emo-but-now-more-sneaky-than-emo boy told formerly-emo-too-but-now-more-in-love-than-emo boy that he knew what the post meant, and so formerly-emo-too-but-now-more-in-love-than-emo boy tinkered with the post until he also got the message right.

I don't know why but my first reaction was to take the post down. As I said, maybe it's because my objective was to have nobody understand it, but now at least two people did. Unfortunately, Formerly-emo-but-now-more-sneaky-than-emo boy and and formerly-emo-too-but-now-more-in-love-than-emo boy were wise enough to save copies.

And now they think they have something that they can use against me, even just during joke times. Which they technically do.

And I do not hate the fact that they have an upper hand, but I hate the fact that I seem to be scared to let other people know what I feel, in this case... uh, pissed-offness? (I'm not really angry, I'm... pissed) I think that nobody should ever be scared to say what she feels (unless she develops feelings for Justin Bieber) because if you feel a certain way, then there must be a reason why, and as long as that reason makes sense, then the way you feel makes sense as well and you shouldn't be afraid to let other people know about it..

So here I am trying to drink in Dutch courage to stand up for everything that I just said in the former paragraph. And this time I don't need a friend to translate it.

I am not upset when people point out my mistakes. If I did commit those mistakes, which I did, I own up to it, which I did too, in front of everyone. What pisses (note present tense) me off is the fact that there are some people who make a big deal out of the mistakes that other people make, but completely turn a blind eye whenever their 'friends' are the ones who make mistakes. If non-friend is late, if non-friend did this wrong, if non-friend did not do this at all, they make a big fuss out of it. If friend is late, if friend did this wrong, if friend did not do this at all, they don't say anything AT ALL.

Again, I'm not angry that they told me what I did wrong. I made mistakes and I accept that, and I'm not upset that they point it out, especially since the event was the proper forum for it. Again, what I dislike is the way they choose to ignore the mistakes that their 'friends' commit. They have every week in the month to say something about it, but they don't. Or more appropriately, they never do. I don't even have to give clues about what those shortcomings are. Everybody feels what's missing.

I'm not angry at anyone. I'm pissed off about the way some people act, and now it's okay for me to have everyone know that. I'm not posting this to wage war on anyone. I'm just saying what I feel.

And now, I feel free.

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