Endless Line

He dreams in color

Originally ‘To the LAE Passer’ but I’m feeling pensive tonight.

***

Around this time one year ago, I distinctly remember your emo face as we sat at the shed in front of Molave waiting for Buduy, and you were lamenting how you were the only member of our beloved little team who would be left behind in UP.

***

Sometimes I think you might have been my younger brother in one of our past lives, given how strongly I feel about looking after you.

Bencio said that I scared the hell out of him that fateful Execoun meeting when he dissed you and I was fuming as I answered back to defend you (and Denzie). I have no qualms about giving you my Healing Salve (partly because you actually thank me for it, unlike the others who even have to ask how they were healed when there was no Regen). Most of all, they’re ridiculous - the prayers I find myself uttering to God when I and la-la-la share the same bus ride home.

We must have been brother-sister in some past life. That, or I am so grateful for your stint as my Pusoy Tutor #3.

***

There was one time when you told me that you weren’t sure why you took PolSci. You would have been better off taking a course related to computers, you said. (And given your crazy passwords with the random letters, numbers and characters, you might have been right.) Because you like tinkering with stuff and fixing problems. And then you said something emo and I rolled my eyes.

I wonder now if you still feel the same thing about your course.

***

Sometime before December you texted me and said the LAE schedule had been moved. I told you to make the most out of the Christmas vacation and study the reviewer you borrowed from me. You said bahala na pag di ka pumasa, magtatrabaho ka nalang sa Coke. I told you that you are one of those lucky bastards, like Kenn and my friend Pau. You’re just born lucky. No matter how hard you screw up, everything turns out alright for you. (Not that that you don’t deserve it.)

Who knows. Maybe you did study. Or maybe LAE is just what it is – Law Aptitude Exam. Either you have that aptitude or you don’t, and you have it.

All I know is that you didn’t even take a bath when you took LAE, but you passed it anyway.

***

You saw it coming. On the ride to Moonleaf one week ago, you were telling me about the things that scared you about going to law school. I don’t remember what I replied. The only thing I remember is that for the nth time, I told you to quit smoking.

This is what I hope I replied: You’re a bit lazy at acads and a bit of a coward for running away to Baguio during THAT Sining, but you’re smart and you think differently (at least at Dota). And you’re a genuine person who never gets tired of helping other people. That’s bound to get you somewhere.

***

I just hope that wherever this gets you to, you’ll stay the same. I hope you’ll still be that guy who grabs my hand and disturbedly says “Will you stop doing that” when I make a gun-cleaning motion, who remembers my birthday even if I forget yours, who takes my straw and sticks it into my milk tea for me because apparently I always spill liquids.

I hope to God though, that you stop peeing in your pants and hitting your head on dashboards when you’re drunk. And yet again, that you stop smoking for the sake of those squiggly little things in your… no I’m not gonna put the whole description here.

***

Around this time one year ago, I distinctly remember your emo face as we sat at the shed in front of Molave waiting for Buduy and you were lamenting how you were the only member of our beloved little team who would be left behind in UP. I used to think that after this April, you’d finally join us out. You hate being left behind. I know.

I guess you’re gonna have to stay there for a bit longer, eh?

I just want to see you fight for this. :(

I don’t know. It’s like, I just want to see this team fight to keep the championship as hard as they fought to take it a year ago.

Every time I watch one of their games during last season’s playoffs, especially the games from the finals, I get shivers up my spine. Because I feel just how damned much they all wanted it. This season it’s like, I don’t know, everything just falls flat. And I hate it because I love this team.

Maybe it’s because they don’t have JJ anymore, or maybe they burned out after finally getting their goal, or maybe their being veterans is taking its toll. Whatever the reason is, I just don’t want to be looking for a new favourite team anytime soon.

Here’s to hoping that the rest of this season gets better for the Mavs.

Ode to Anj

On the ride home yesterday, the radio station was tuned into played Panic at the Disco's But It's Better If You Do, and I remembered that time when we were freshmen and were on our way back to Kalai. We were singing this song like crazy and Mi and Jangkarl were laughing at us all the time.

I had to smile – I do every time I remember those days when we were bound by more an organization. Those days when we spent time with each other not because we had to but because we wanted to. When we laughed together not for the sake of being called united but because we were genuinely having fun with each other. When we cried together not because people turn to anyone available whenever they're sad but because we really wanted to be there for each other..

Those days when the word 'Baskal' meant true friendship.

We were probably the most fleeting of all the batches that Aguman ever had, being complete only during that one semester when we applied and being broken for the rest. I've tired of thinking what made this happen. Along the way I think I've just accepted that this is what  we become: a bunch of 'hi's and komusta na?' at chance meetings and rare appearances at org events.

Nowadays I only get to hear about you through Boss' stories. You smoke and drink like crazy now, he says. I don't have your number, and I didn't know why I didn't ask Boss for it. Maybe because I don't know what to tell you if I text you. I know you only by name now, and most likely you share the same sentiment.

But that doesn't mean I've forgotten you, or the memories you shared with me. In my bookshelf at home, there is a special place for the Slam Dunk Manga that you gave to me on my birthday when you learned that I was a Kaede Rukawa fangirl. Our fridge never runs out of Graham crackers and quickmelt cheese, a yummy snack that you and Mi taught me how to make, which until now I never fail to enjoy. And I can still remember the distinct way you laugh. :)

I am no longer a part of your life and you are no longer in mine, and that six letter word that used to bind us together now sounds so far away. But I hope that if you remember me at all, you remember me fondly, as I remember you. For no matter how far we have drifted apart, we were once there for each other, and that's all that matters.

On second thought, maybe this should have been Ode to Baskal II.