A Life Changing Realization

Sa point na yon, naiyak ako bigla… Kase naisip ko, pano kung ten years from now maging ganon ang scenario? Magpapabili ng toy yung kid ko tapos wala akong pambili. Fuck. Kung neopet palang ganito na kasakit na hindi ko siya mabilhan ng toy, pano pa kaya kung kid ko na yon?

Si robbee_rabbit ang neopet ko.

Ginawa ko sya sixty eight days ago. Bored ako kaya sinuggest ng friend ko na gumawa ako ng neopet. Five minutes later, robbee_rabbit came to the world.

Unfortunately, hindi kami agad nagkaroon ng emotional attachment. Bago ko pa ma-explore ang neopet world, nag-initiate ng chat si Jerome Caylao. Syempre inabandon ko si robbee_rabbit para kay Kuya Joms. Between a virtual pet and a real human, sa real human ako no.

After that, nakalimutan ko na completely si robbee_rabbit.

Until last night. Nakita ko si Janine na nag-neneopets at naalala ko si robbee_rabbit. I decided to check him out. Sa sobrang tagal ng time na nakalimutan ko siya, ni hindi ko na nga maalala kung ano ang username at password ko. Kinailangan ko pang isa-isahin yung mga e-mail addresses ko (My king, you know how many and how crazy my e-ads are!) para hanapin yung verification note.

Nung finally naka-log in nako, pinakita sakin yung status ni robbee_rabbit: sad and dying. :’(

Naguilty naman daw ako kase pinabayaan ko siya ng ganon. Tinanong ko kay Janine kung pano pasasayahin si robby_rabbit, at sabi niya pakain ko daw kase dying na nga yung pet ko. Unfortunately, dahil wala pa akong nilarong neogame, wala akong neopoints na ipambibili ng neofood para kay robbee_rabbit.

I felt really bad. Naawa naman daw ako kay robbee_rabbit kase pinabayaan ko siya ng ganon. Lalo na nung may na-click akong something tapos may nag pop-out na window with robbee_rabbit on it. Sabi niya, “Can you please buy me a toy?”

Gustong-gusto kong ibili ng toy si robbee_rabbit. Kaya lang wala nga akong neopoints na pambili ng toy niya. Sa point na yon, naiyak ako bigla. As in yung iyak na iyak talaga, kaya sabi ni Pau, “Nic, okay ka lang?”

Hindi. Kase naisip ko bigla, pano kung ten years from now maging ganon ang scenario? Magpapabili ng toy yung kid ko tapos wala akong pambili. Fuck. Kung neopet palang ganito na kasakit na hindi ko siya mabilhan ng toy, pano pa kaya kung kid ko na yon?

In the end, spent the next three hours playing various neogames so I could earn all the neopoints I need to make up to robbee_rabbit. Bangag nga ako kanina sa Pol Sci kase 3AM nako natulog kakalaro ng games. Sa totoo lang, lame talaga yung games, pero naiisip ko si robbee_rabbit. Para sa kanya lahat ng neopoints na yon.

I guess you could argue na exaggerated lang yung reaction ko dahil robbee_rabbit ang pangalan ng pet ko. Alam ninyo kung kanino ko siya ni-name after at kung ano ang significance ng taong yon sa buhay ko. Siguro nga. Tinatanong ko din sa sarili ko, kung adam_lambie or danny_goatie ba ang pangalan ng pet ko maaapektuhan ako ng ganito?

Nevertheless, super life changing ang experience na yon. Even though I hate kids so much and I can’t imagine myself raising kids, (sabi ko nga kay Kuya Bong ipapaalaga ko sila sa kung sino tas kukunin ko nalang sila pag eighteen na sila) na-realize ko na hindi ko kayang dumating sa point na hindi ko mabigay sa kids ko yung mga kailangan at gusto nila.

At the same time, na-realize ko kung gano ako ka-lucky. Wala pa akong hiningi sa parents ko na hindi nila binigay. (except for my enrollment in UST and a Cefiro V6 Elite, which my dad insists are very bad investments) Sa ngalan ng utang na loob, kailangan siguraduhin ko na maayos ang post-retirement life nila.

So ayon. Tama na muna ang selfishness. Nagbabalik na si GC Nic. ^_^

, by

Hightower

One
White robe
Blue sash
Red letters

Two
His eyes are calm
Breathing even
Mind set

Three
Her brow is feverish
Heart pounding
Mouth open

Four
It begins
But it won’t last long
So you shouldn’t blink

Five
A hand
On white sleeves
Now grip it

Six
Hold your redemption
It’s almost yours now
Claim it completely

Seven
Panic spreads all over
Adrenaline rush
A struggle

Eight
Her eyes don’t move
Hands are clasped
Her head is spinning

Nine
He feels the fear
But never stops
His hold just tightens

Ten
Gather strength
One swift lift
One quick throw

Eleven
Time is above all
It takes him eleven seconds
To make her fall

One, Two, Three,
Four, Five, Six,
Seven, Eight, Nine,
Ten
Eleven

A sickening thud
A groan of pain
A hand is raised
A lip curls into a smile.
It’s over.

He glances at her direction.

She falls.

, by

Ang Alamat Ni Chef Nic

I tried to cook dinner tonight. ^_^

Yes, after spending the whole afternoon watching Jimmy Neutron, I got up and decided that I was going to cook dinner for me and my friends tonight. Now that would sound quite ordinary, except for the fact that you know I can’t cook.

As Pau says, hindi ako mapagpanggap. I know that there are things I’m good at, like being lazy or annoying my sister, but cooking is definitely NOT one of them. The best I’ve ever managed is cup noodles (the one you just add water to) and even then sometimes the noodles end up too soft.

Heck, the last time I tried to just help out cooking, I destroyed the whole meal. Apparently the water wasn’t hot enough when I added the egg to the soup that Joyce was cooking, and tata! Nobody wanted to eat the soup, even me. In fact, it still sits in Janine’s fridge today.

So how did tonight’s cooking go? Simple.

Pau turned on the stove and put oil into the frying pan for me. The oil got really hot and started to make weird sounds, so I retreated to the living room and asked her to put the meat in for me. Awful crackling sounds followed. I got really scared, so I stayed in the living room and watched the news with Janine.

“Lulutuin mo na yung hotdogs?” Pau called out. I listened for more crackling sounds, and when I heard none, I shouted back “Yup yup!”

I went to the kitchen and saw Pau turning the meat over so the other side would cook. Now came the cackling sounds I was listening for, accompanied by hot oil jumping off the frying pan like fireworks on New Year’s Day! I screamed in horror and retreated back to the living room, where I sat down and hugged the big pillow. I heard my friends laugh. Ang bad nila no?

Pau told me she was just going to microwave the hotdogs. Would I like to plug the microwave on? Of course I answered no. Everyone knows I’m scared of plugging electric appliances on. Ayokong makuryente. Si Rafael nga pahirapan i-charge e.

Pau called me and Janine when dinner was done. After ensuring that nothing was cooking anymore, I went to the kitchen and got the food I cooked, which Pau already kindly transferred to the serving plates, and took the food to the dining table. ^_^ Ang galing kong mag-luto, no?

Okay, so maybe I’m just not meant for the kitchen. Or maybe I just haven’t given it enough time and effort. As much as I love eating, I find cooking really arduous. And scary. (Although between Math and cooking, I’ll go for the latter.)

Fittingly, the guy who I said I was going to marry in the Kiss Fuck Marry we Baskals had in our last bonding, said that he knows someday gugustuhin ko ring matutunan magluto so that I could cook for someone. ^_^ After all, the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

Now Rex Dizon is a very wise man, and I’ll believe anything he says. ^_^ In that case, I guess I’ll just have to hire a chef.

, by

Falling Slowly

Nawawala ang muse ko. Sabi ng Encarta yun yung source of inspiration ng mga artists. Pag walang muse, walang inspiration. Pag walang inspiration, walang masulat. Well, hindi naman exactly wala, pwedeng ipagpilitang magsulat, pero pangit ang result. Parang tong entry na to. Ni hindi nga ako makapag-english ng maayos kaya mixed to.

Sa totoo lang alam ko namang wala akong matinong masusulat dahil nga nawawala ang muse ko, pero nagrereklamo ang friends ko na hindi na daw ako nag-uupdate ng blog kaya eto, pinagpilitan ko talagang mag-update. Bear with me.

“And games that never amount
To more than they’re meant
Will play themselves out”

Gusto ko syang tinitignan pag hindi siya nakatingin. Either pag nag-aaral sya or pag tulog siya or pag nag-aaral sya tapos magpapahinga sya at pipikit sya saglit. Haha, mas maganda ang pagkakasabi dun sa Read Between the Lines, yung ‘glances at you from lowered lashes when you’re not looking’.

Syempre freaky naman kung alam niyang tinitignan ko sya, kaya pag nakita kong inalis na niya yung mata niya sa book or gumising na sya, titingin na ako sa kahit ano pang pwedeng tignan. Tahimik lang sya, tapos mag-aaral na naman sya or matutulog sya ulit.

Parang taguan lang.

“Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can’t go back”

It gives me the feeling that I have the better of him, in the sense na may alam akong hindi niya alam. Haha, ako alam ko kung kelan niya ako tinitignan. Sya hindi nya alam kung kelan ko siya tinitignan.

Alam ko na nakatingin sya sakin habang iniisip ko kung anong card ang ibababa ko pag naglalaro kami ng pusoy. Alam ko na tinitignan nya ako pag nagsusulat ako, na hinihintay lang niyang ibalik ko yung takip ng pen ko bago nya kunin yung papel at basahin yung sinulat ko. Alam ko na pinanonood nya ako pag kumakain ako ng chocolate, kase na-aamaze sya na I lick off the melted cocoa off my fingers.

At the same time, it gives me the feeling that he has the better of me.

Hindi ko na mapigilang tignan sya e.

“You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It’s time that you won”

Pinakagusto ko pag pinapanood ko siyang matulog. Pag gising kase sya parang lagi syang busy, laging may acads, laging may kailangang gawin. Pero pag tulog sya, nag-iiba. Ang peaceful nyang tignan.

Gusto ko pag nakapikit sya kase natitignan ko sya the way I want to, without having to worry about him knowing that I’m looking. Kaya ngayong katabi ko sya sa sasakyan at natutulog siya, I’ve decided na mamaya nalang ako matutulog pagdating sa bahay kahit inaantok na rin ako. Panonoorin ko nalang muna sya.

The skies are orange this afternoon. Naaalala ko yung sinabi nya dati. Gusto daw niya pag orange yung langit kase may something hopeful about it. Syempre lagi akong detractor, sabi ko di ba blue ang color na nag-sisymbolize sa hope? Sabi nya basta.

Dumilat ang mga mata nya, dahan-dahan. Hindi na ako nakagalaw. Kung may isang bagay na mas masarap panoorin kesa sa pagtulog nya, yon ang pag-gising nya.

Nginitian lang nya ako.

“Pinapanood moko, no?”

May something hopeful nga yata pag orange ang langit.

“Take this singking boat and point it home
We’ve still got time
Raise your hopeful voice, you had the choice
You’ve made it now
Falling slowly, sing your melody
I’ll sing along”

Haha, sabi ko sa inyo tae to e.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song Falling Slowly and no copyright infringement is intended. ^_^ Don’t sue, it’s bad.

, by