Sunday, November 27, 2011

Logic will break your heart.

There is an exact moment in time when you hold a sea shell by your ear and you no longer hear the ocean.

The last time you saw him was three years ago, at an Avatar showing. He was with Rob and you were with Al. You saw them at the cinema queue and debated with yourself whether to walk up to them or not. It's not like you were ashamed of Al or anything, but you thought that if you approached them and introduced your orgmate, he might wonder if you and Al were going out. And for some reason you say you never really knew, you didn't want him to think that.

And so you walked away.

Tonight is different. You are tired as hell, almost zombie-like as you grudgingly trudge the long stretch from Sbarro to Cyberzone, but you are alone.

He is walking to the other direction, but he is alone as well.

Your heart skips a beat and this time there is no debating with yourself. Something strong and strange and scary just takes you over and you know that you aren't going to fight it. You don't want to, and even if you did, you know that you can't fight it anyway. It's like eating a Level 16 Laguna Blade, Aghanim's reinforced -at the most unexpected moment, you're hit by a brilliant flash of cerulean lightning, sending a surge of electricity rushing through your veins before it all just overwhelms you and then finally you just fade away.

Your lips part. You feel each letter of his name burning from your gut, through your throat and unto your tongue as you call out his name.

But no words come out.

His eyes never wander off his destination. He never even saw you. You try your damnedest to say his name, to say something, to say ANYTHING – but it just doesn't happen. All you can do is watch helplessly as he passes you by.

It's been five years since things began and ended, and you wonder why you still get affected so much. The only thing you know is that this is the exact reason why you clam up and push people away when they get close. You showed him your vulnerability once, and he shattered you apart.

In the end, all you are able to do is to continue walking away from him while Panic at the Disco throbs at your ears and stabs at your chest.

There’s no more that need be said
When I’m inching through your bed
Take a look around instead and watch me go

There is an exact moment in time when you hold a sea shell by your ear and you no longer hear the ocean.

Instead, if you listen carefully, you can hear the sound of your heart breaking.

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