Endless Line

My Awesome Friends

My friends are awesome. Here are some reasons why.

1. This week I texted them that I wanted to try out Starbucks Emerald. They said yes. For some reason though this weekend we ended up:
- watching a movie at Rob (Kuya Rex went to SM, so we made him drive back to Rob)
- having dinner at Bubusuk (where there was no chicharong bulaklak because “Hindi siya umuusok”)
- having coffee at Starbucks Emerald (where we gauged the jeje presence only to come into the conclusion that we are the jejes there)
- and finally almost eating at Lelut Baculud at one freakin thirty in the morning.

I swear I don’t know how things ended up that way.

2. Lawi has a new boy puppy named Jaja. Lawi is apparently such a boy magnet that when he’s near Jaja, the puppy humps his foot. You know, foot is kinda related to shoebox. :))

3. Bong gave me center console lessons because as all my friends know I am such a great driver and I know absolutely everything about my new car. While I was like “Ooooh”, Boss was unimpressed and was like, “Didn’t you read the manual?”

4. We watched The Hobbit and instead of marvelling at all the nice visual effects or appreciating the emotional and philosophical scenes in the movie, we nitpicked at the plot. Indeed, bakit sila binaba nung birds in the middle of nowhere, pano sila nakababa doon at bakit hindi pa sila hinatid straight to Erebor para hindi nalang sila mahirapan di ba.

5. Lawi was so amused with saying “Dildo Baggins belongs to the hole” that he just had to say it over and over and over again the entire night while I rolled my eyes dryly.

6. They never forgave and seemingly will never forget my pagmemelon and RORO and “taga saan ang mga Ukranians?” gaffes. Bakit ko pa kase nasabi-sabi yon.

7. We made plans (again) to fake-go to Isdaan, a fake-restaurant with fake-fish. Someday, Boss. :) Someday.

8. They made fun of me because I dropped beans and tofu when we were eating and nobody wanted to be within a ten foot pole of me when we got our drinks at Starbucks because yeah apparently I am already branded with the “nagtatapon” tag.

9. Did I mention na three times kami lumipat ng upuan sa Starbucks? And the last seat we relocated into was basically Winter Wonderland. I had to hold Lawi’s cup of hot coffee and Boss kept rubbing his hands together while emoting “Bakit tayo lumipat dito?”

10. “Popcorn from my bra.” Kuya Rex didn’t think he’d ever say that sentence, but of course he ended up saying it thanks to me being clumsy with the popcorn at the cinema and Boss being very… er helpful with suggestions. “Lagay mo sa scrapbook mo, popcorn from my bra.”

11. Of course we didn’t just do stupid stuff the whole night; there were intellectual and socially relevant discussions. Intellectual subjects included the RH and sin tax bills. Socially relevant discussions – foine, chismis.

Cue Lawi: So sino?

12. Reminder for me. When you’re the only girl in the group, do not make any upward and downward grasping gestures or gun-cleaning motions with your hand. They just can’t let it pass.

Special acknowledgement to Buddy Feps who was also at Starbucks last night donning a chic ensemble of a white short-sleeved oxford and a gray sweater vest. :)

goodnight goodnight

You know there's something very, very wrong when you're in the back of someone's car and he's asleep and his head is on your shoulder and instead of feeling kilig all you can think about is "God, I like him but please don't let him drool on my shirt."

Darkroom

You know what, I'm not in the mood. So if you want to say something just spit it out.

i have the right

I'm a girl. I think I have the right to fangirl over stuff. So here goes.

OMYGAAAAAD Niklaus Mikaelson why are you so PERFEEEEECT! I can't believe that I'm actually watching one of the most unbearably unbearable TV shows in the history of mankind (and probably the dinosaurs too) just for you!

you give me miles and miles of mountains

soft, gentle, feather-lithe.
slow, languid, deliberate.
tease. taste. take.

hungry needy greedy
heat urgency strength -
Dark-Feral-Deep--
DesperateViolentFrenzied
BURN BLAZE ROAR

PULLPUSHTENSE
HARDFORCEFULSELLL---F--ISH---

and unto you
I fall
headfirst
undone

Rise. Fall. Silence.

you give me miles and miles of mountains
and i'll ask for the sea

Ruat Caelum

Tonight she made the heavens fall
By telling you that she wants this,
Telling you to tell her that you want this,
You want this, dammit, you -

And the floods came
The people,
The words,
Too many,
Too much,
Just a little too much.

But they're all fleeting, all of them
Nothing is etched to permanence
She looks at her palms
And she does not see more marks.
Then again she doesn't know
What permanence is anymore
Even those with the mark
Have kept their silence -
More than once,
More than they spoke.
It just saddens her to see
That the ones she expected
Were the ones who were not there.

She will rest before the sun sets
And in the evening will plow again
Tonight is a gem among stones
Not every night will be like this
But she will try
She will try

catullus

You know, Jin used to quote Click Five songs.

Now Pinky is quoting Catullus' Liber.

Damn. It's not just my writing that's improved by leaps and bounds.

My tastes have, too.

Alay

I look at the girl in the ticket booth and she looks back at me, waiting for what I’m going to say.

Of course I know that I look like a total idiot just staring at her so I open my mouth to say something but the word – oh, the short, simple two syllable repetitive word just can’t get out of my throat. To reiterate, the word never even reached my mouth. It was stuck in my throat in an I-swallowed-a-bubblegum-I’m-gonna-die kind of way.

“Anong movie?” the girl finally says and FUCK I CAN’T DO THIS so I look at Lawi and cock my head towards the ticket girl.

He makes a sound that’s one third groan, one third gag and one third laugh, and then says either cinema four or cinema five. I can’t remember because I was too occupied with being ashamed.

We get the tickets and go inside. For a moment everything is Klaroline and nothing hurts but then this guy who’s supposed to collect our ticket looks at me and oh no please don’t.

“Anong movie po?”

I cringe hard, like really really hard. It’s bad enough that I’m actually interested to see this movie given who stars in it, do these freakin cinema people have to make me say it!

I pull Lawi’s arm and drag him in front of the guy like I'm offering him to the temple of Apollo in Delphi or something. Oh, sun-god I beg of you to let me preserve what little dignity I have left. To sate your thirst for humiliation I give you Lawi.

Lawi looks at me in an exasperated kind of way and for a moment I feel sorry for him. Er, actually, no. I love you bro but better you than me.

He takes a deep breath before he turns to the guy.

And then he screeches “TIK-TIK!”

-o-

So yesterday was another epic day and last night I was so stoked to make a post about it but I woke up today feeling really lazy and I don’t want to force the post so for the mean time let me just share a bit of what happened when we went out to watch a movie.

if you don't love me, pretend

she likes to write in riddles

"- seems more intellectual that way -"

to type in riddles - maybe
the more apt
description,
because she rarely writes
in paper and in pen now

"Do you have any idea how many times I press CTRL-Z?"

like the riddle of those
Greek worlds
that she mulls in the bright
moonlight; a furrow on
her brow, a flick of her tongue
while he sits beside
her and pounds
on what she disdainfully calls

[wrinkled nose] "Hmf, cheap lager."

but he'll have his revenge; all he has
to do is motion at
a waiter
and order something; tonight, it's
a Dirty Black Russian

"I know, I know, vodka, cola... vodka, cola... I hate you."

and I hate you sounds so sweet'
when said from
her lips because she never
says I love
you, never says it at all

"Love isn't a riddle."

he smiles
and tells her that the words
she is looking for are
'coffee liqueur'

Oh. My. Gawd.

"Easy, love. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong equipment."

Like if this was a forum that is /thread.

***

Gosugamers headline: God leaves AL

Me: He left Vigoss alone as the only Russian? No no no no no! (Bangs fists in the table because she smells a disband or a quit again.)

***

October 17 marks my first year of working for BDO. I've come a long way from the girl who couldn't stop bawling after she got out of BPI, eh? :)

***

Social experiment is... well fail during the first week and then kind of okay during the next week. We'll do it again to get a pulse of consistency.

***

These Greek things... yeah they're awesome. But now I'm completely torn about what to do.

guilty pleasures

1. The Vampire Diaries Season 4

5 days to go before my favorite pakapalan ng mukha continues. You go, Niklaus!

2. Spartacus Season 2

Maybe during Halloween week because work is killing me right now, but I will make sure that I reserve one day doing nothing but lying in bed watching Spartacus Vengeance all in one go.


For the record, taking your pregnant wife right after she kills your concubine - and in front of the concubine's corpse too, if I may add - barely qualifies as hot for me, but there is something hypnotically haunting about this episode that makes me look forward to it.

Ta ta.

i gave you my love to borrow

“Yung days receivables, ano yung industry benchmark? Kase parang...”

She looks hard at the paper, even narrowing her eyes to make out the figures finely printed on the crisp white surface, and she really doesn't understand why everything is a blur when she spent the last freaking week drawing those figures up. Her head is throbbing – pounding – and God she swears that she is never ever going to drink alcohol on a weekday again.

“I think masyado napaikli yung cash cycle kaya ang lumalabas tuloy...”

She tries to listen – hard, so hard – but her mind refuses to let anything in save for vague recollections of the events the past night. There's lights and music and laughter and drinks and many questions and as many answers. What's in a Blowjob? Depends on what number. Uh, 1? Irish cream and Amaretto. What's Amaretto again, there's Amaretto at Chocolatier 3 right 'cause she bought it somewhere in Ireland but wait is Ireland even in Chocolatier 3?

“Kung ganito lang ang working capital requirement, wag na natin siyang pautangin...”

Everything was hot, too hot and she felt his lips curl into a smile as she bit on his lower lip and it's not like she's never kissed anyone before but that bastard -

“Ano ba ang nasa In-house financials baka dapat yun nalang ang gamitin natin para...”

And she remembers the way her eyes widened when his hands wandered to... well they wandered to too many places and she remembers the way she tried to say something and she can't even recall what she wanted to say but it doesn't matter because everything came out as some needy breathless sound and God please God just don't let me moan like a whore.

“Namumula ka. Ok lang ba?”

Her boss looks at her like he's about to call an ambulance and Lord if her boss only had an idea.

“Opo.”

She swears that next time she's going to stick to a screwdriver.

Hold the vodka.

And something Van Gogh

"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars make me dream."

Social experiment today. :) Wish me luck!

***

In other news, look at what was up at dc.com today.

And as if that wasn't enough, we have this.















Luna, really? In the same rank as Morphling and Windrunner and Lone Druid as STABLE PICKS???

See, these are the things that happen in Dota 2 but never in Dota.

Dashing

So last Wednesday I went to Bulacan for a whole-day client call and as usual my Vice-freakin-President of a boss served as my driver.

I sat in his car and listened to him retell how when he was a fresh grad the first thing he wanted to buy was a house (which told me that my recent decisions may have been wrong, so very wrong). As he lifted a hand to adjust the aircon temperature, my eyes followed his fingers to the dashboard and then suddenly I found myself scrutinizing his dash.

My boss drives a 2011 Montero so things are fairly pretty, but for some reason - and without really thinking - I thought, my dash looks better than this. And if it isn't obvious, I wasn't thinking about Dana when I told myself that.

I haven't really been very kind to ZSMJ since he got here, mostly because of the fact that I would have preferred to get the cheaper, more-classy-than-sporty 2008 Altis that had been one of the choices for my car purchase. I've had so many complaints (can't see the hood, acceleration too fast, side mirrors don't fold, wipers are distracting, don't like the color, etc.) and not enough nice things to say about him.

I wanted a car that was love at first sight, and ZSMJ was like an arranged marriage because one day I got home and my dad was like "Andito na yung car mo!" so I've been feeling kind of stuck with him.

With my recent thoughts, however... maybe I'm finally falling in love.

Casts, casts, casts!

Because I miss the golden days of DTS with Artstyle, Dread, NS, Smile and God. :(

***

v1lat: What is your fondest Dota memory?

Artstyle: When I was still with DTS, there was this one game where we were down to the last pick and then Dread pointed at each of the enemy heroes and said "Casts, casts, casts, casts, casts!" So I picked Silencer. And then after like ten seconds we realized that every fucking hero in the game casts something.

For Gonzalo

aka What a Birthday Post but I dreamt about my dear PI prof the night before (it was fairly wholesome, just saying) and this hasn't been out of my mind since.

***

She enlists in his class because according to the people who have been there, he hands out uno's like Junior Dos Santos hands out losses and cancels classes like there’s Ondoy every week. The girlish squeals declaring how handsome he is does not escape her ears, but she shrugs it off because she tends to have a different definition of handsome compared to girls her age.

When she finally sees him, she gapes uncertainly. He has none of the preppy boyish charm that propelled Comm 3's Ken Jamandre to a spot at Cosmo's Most Eligible Bachelors, nor the silent ambitiousness that seethed through Math 17's Gabriel Limson, nor the raw power beneath the sinewy muscles that Judo's Carlo Vergara flexed.

His curly hair is swept back in a stuffy ponytail and looks like it’s three rinses away from an illegitimate dreadlock. He wears a lithe shirt, faded pants, lots of hippie bracelets and a big smile.

She thinks it might be fun to learn PI from Kamikaze's frontman.

***

He tells them not to call him Sir, and aptly too because he acts like a 30-year old college student from KAL. He laughs too freely, thinks too deeply, and teaches too casually.

One time he takes the class to Laguna to climb some mountain where Rizal's minions abound. In a jeep on the way, she sees the tattoo in his arm and asks about it. He graciously pulls his sleeve up and shows her. It's Alibata.

“Luisa Paula.” The guy beside her reads as he adjusts his glasses.

He smiles widely. “Ngayon lang may studyanteng nakabasa niyan. At dahil diyan may plus 1 ka sa finals.”

She almost whacks herself in the head. She should have paid attention during any of the at least one million times her seatmate tried to teach her Alibata instead of staring dreamily at Fidel Nemenzo. (Uh, no, not really, every second spent staring at Fidel Nemenzo is worth it.) On second thought, why did he get that tattoo in Alibata? Couldn’t he have gotten it in Russian or something?

“Sino si Luisa Paula?” the guy beside her asks. “Asawa mo?”

He laughs, says he's not married.

“Kapatid?”

“Lola?”

“Nanay?”

“...Tatay?”

He almost chokes.

For some reason she knows the right answer. “Anak.”

He nods.

***

She does not remember much about their last day of classes. Maybe because he ended their course four weeks before everyone else did. All she knew was that PI 100 went down as the only class that she never cut that semester even though he basically told them “Have at it” during the first day of class. There are about four other classes in her whole stay in UP that she had perfect attendance in, but PI is the only class that she willingly never cut.

She does remember bits of his speech. Something about oneself and about one’s nation and one’s ideologies. Something about and Ibarra and Simeon, both of whom she doesn’t really favor because she’s a Basilio kind of girl. (She goes to the library later that afternoon because he dared them to know what happened after El Fili; Rizal wrote a draft for the novel Makamisa, starring Basilio, but he never finished it.)

The ending part – she especially remembers the ending part. He said something about fires, embers, and sparks. Did they know that spark is ‘pingkian’ in Tagalog? It’s also the pen name of some important person who wrote some important piece of something during some important time. You guys should name your kids ‘pingkian’, he encouraged them.

Two year’s later she’s staring in front of her laptop and there’s a field for ‘pen name’ that’s begging to be filled. She should have never given up Jin. She pauses to consider what the replacement could be.

She goes as far as typing the letter G and then hits backspace four times.

Oh well, pink is a colour and she is dreaming.

But reality's been kind of a bitch lately.

And she hates the fact that the one time he actually had his arm around her shoulder he was drunk like shit and she was rolling her eyes pretending it doesn't matter anyway but reality's been kind of a bitch lately and -

If you had to go to Mordor

My father has been doing this his whole life, but this is the first time I’m tagging along for the ride. And I must say, buying a car is draining.

When I didn’t have my money yet, I had a solid idea of what I wanted. But now that I have the go signal to actually buy a car, so many things pop up that I realize also need consideration. Because I’ve just been working for one year I don’t have that much money yet, so like 70% of the funding is from my dad. Knowing that I’m on a loan from him, do I splurge or be practical?

There’s also the issue of opportunity costs. Because I’ve decided to go for pre-owned cars, I can’t really choose the specs that I want - it’s more like I have to find a car that has the specs I want and that I can afford to buy, and it’s a trillion times easier to say than to do! There’s two cars that are really good deals, but I’m hesitating to take them because they’re both silver and let’s put it this way, if I had an Altis or a Civic it wouldn’t be silver. Do I settle for a car which is a great deal but which color I’m not digging, or do I go on with my search and try to find a car that I like 100%?  Because my dad just stared at me like I was crazy when I told him what if I just drop 20K on having the whole thing repainted Taffeta White.

Finally, I keep thinking how would I know which car is ‘the one’ for me, which would be with me through thick and thin much like how Dana has been with my family. I told my friends before that I would know it when I find it because I’m gonna have that slow-mo moment with my heart thumping wildly and that love at first sight look in my eyes like what happened when I met Solis (haha!) but damn I have looked at over 100 cars since January and that has not happened.

Or maybe I’m over thinking all of this like I always do when I’m excited.

Right now the only thing I’m sure about is that even when I get my new ride, I will still love Dana the most. :)

***

Sherdog thread that made my day today.

“If you had to go to Mordor, who would you take with you?”
“Some have said Drysdale is a good choice. I think he's too big and easy to spot. You'd have to be small and quick. I say Ryan Hall. He could go inverted and hide behind small bushes and rocks. He would also eat a lot less of the Lembes bread. Drysdale would probably hog it all.”
“Fedor... he would armbar the gates after pounding out some trolls. And then Aoki once I'm in there to show Sauron the birdie. Randleman would probably have to suplex the tower to bring it down though.”
“Just Koscheck.  I hate the guy, but he seems to enjoy eye poking. And since Sauron is just an eye...”
“Easily Wanderlei, Mirko CroCop and Aleks Emalianenko.”
“Dude, Aleks works for Sauron, have you even seen that guy? Pure evil.”

For him who fell while carrying the Cross

Because I don’t want to be as subtle as a sledge hammer, seeing as this subject and others related to it are likely to be topics of my next posts.

***

I wonder what kind of day it was when you were told the news.

Was it warm and sun-splashed, typical of Southern California, or were the skies oddly gray? Did you slump in stunned silence, did you clutch your head in disbelief or did you punch something unbreakable until it shattered (because that’s what happened to your heart)? I wonder how close you came to running after Weston with a blowtorch or something equally foolish.

I wonder if they saw you, and I wonder if they had any idea that the world had come crashing down.

***

I wonder how you felt every time they looked at you.

Did you want to scream, did you want to kick something (or someone, maybe yourself), or did you resign yourself to your doomed fate and just tried to think about what best to do next? Did you think about keeping them all, fuck everything and everyone else, or did you at once accept that the best thing for them is to find new homes so they could go on living the happy lives they deserve?

I wonder if they perceived the sadness in your eyes, if they went to you to try to cheer you up. And as you felt the love they tried to give you, I wonder how many times you asked yourself how the hell you got there.

***

I wonder if you felt like dying every time you gave one of them away.

Did you whisper promises that everything will be alright, that you’ll come visit often, that someday you’ll all be together again? Did you tell the new owners to take care of them, to call you if anything happens? Were you able to walk away without looking back, fearing that if you did you’ll change your mind and not let go?

And when it was the time for the prince you crowned (the one who made you king) to go, I wonder if you were able to say goodbye without tears in your eyes. Moreover, precisely how many times on the trip from Alabama you cried when you remembered that when you get back to California, he’s not going to be there with you anymore.

***

I wonder how you feel now, every time you go home to a yard that used to be filled with so much happy memories and now has too few.

I wonder if you regret it. I wonder if you wish you hadn’t been desperate or selfish. Maybe you’d still have most of your friends, both those who walk on two feet and those who walk on four. I wonder if you make calls all the time; how is he, how is she, how is the litter, I would give up anything to have even the last pick but you know I can’t have it registered under my name.

And when she - the queen, the one you kept because she is bound to you as she is bound to each and every one of them, the one you can’t let go, will never let go – comes to you for love, I wonder if you are able to give her a small smile.

Your argument is INVALID

So a few weeks back I was telling Kuya Rex about how sick I am of Jessica Sanchez fans who keep on discrediting Phillip (He just won cuz he’s cute, he’s a WGWG, he’s sick, blah blah) and say that majority of AI runners-up become more successful than winners anyway.

I asked Kuya Rex if he thought that the last statement was true but he couldn’t give me a definitive answer because some winners are more successful than runners-up (Kelly Clarkson vs Justin Guarini), some runners-up are more successful than winners (Crystal Bowersox vs Lee Dewyze) and for others its just too close to call (David Cook vs David Archuleta).

So for my love of Phillip’s drawly, growly, oh-so-hawt Rob Thomas-like voice, I have taken the liberty of compiling the discographies of the winners and runners up of all the past 10 AI seasons to see who did better in terms of record sales.

And guess what.

I’m not saying that based on past seasons record sales, Phillip is going to be more successful than Jessica or vice versa. All I’m saying is that it’s not entirely true that based on AI history, winners ultimately get the short end of the stick and the runners-up emerge as the real winners.

For Season 11, only time will tell if Jessica is going to be more successful than Phillip. If this happens, I will be happy for Jessica because it will be her legitimate accomplishment. Unlike some people, including a bald talkshow host who is supposed to be one of the bastions of fairness and equality in this country, I don’t have to discredit Jessica just so I can praise Phillip.

And frankly, my appreciation of Phillip’s music doesn’t hinge on Jessica’s success anyway. For all I care, Jessica can sing her way to a platinum certification and more Grammy’s than Adele will ever have, and I will still enjoy Phillip’s music.

For this post and this post alone though, one thing I have to say to bitter Jessica fans is

You might be my Protesilaus

The first man to leap ashore was Protesilaus.

***

“And then… tentacles…warehouse…flowing like water from the tap…”
“Honestly, I don’t even know how I’m supposed to react to this.”
“You’re supposed to get turned on.”

By tentacles?!?

***

“She says ‘po’ to you.”
“And?”
“And I’m not used to somebody talking to you with a degree of respect.”
“Fuck you.”
“No thanks, not into team-cest.”

Nor tentacles.

***

“Sino si D**? Yung classmate niyang panget ang ugali?”
“Um. Panget, at panget ang ugali.”

Oh Justin Dungca. Feel my ngala-ngala.

***

“Ayoko si Joshua… kase panget siya.”

Oh Rex Dizon. Still. The tentacles.

***

“Revision, revision? Aanhin namin ang revision? Baket, magpepresent ba kami ulet?”

Oh Eugene Velasquez. How I love you.

***

“Sana nung pinanganak ako black nalang ako.”
“Why?”
“So I’d be good at basketball.”
“Sinong black ba ang magaling magbasketball?”
“Like 99% of NBA players?”
“But Dirk is white.”
“And he can’t dunk.”
“Why do you need to dunk if you can shoot a one-legged or sink it from downtown?”

Oh Kevin Jazmines. The way you stared in disbelief.

***

“Mga katulong, mag-shopping tayo.”

Oh Gio. Your definition of ‘housewife’.

***

It was a brave deed, for an oracle said that he who landed first shall be the first to die.

Again with the random thoughts.

1. Rice, you are a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful thing and I miss eating you on a daily basis. Someday I will get my lazy ass up and work out so I don’t have to skip on eating you and not gain those bwisit pounds as well. (Oh Rex Dizon you saw this coming, didn’t you.) But for now I have to stay with the veggies.

2. Funny how last Friday I had like six people texting me about AI results almost simultaneously. (The last time mass texting on a single topic happened was last year when mi lovely Mavs swept Team Kobe.) And the first three were like this:

My sister: Jessica is in. Josh is out.
My boss’ secretary: BFF, Jessica is in Phillip is out!
My friend Kaye Conde: Jessica is in!

And I was literally dying because these guys were all in Team J and I wanted to scream “I don’t care about Jessica Sanchez tell me what really happened to Phillip!” Thankfully it turned out that BFF was messing up with me. I don’t have anything against Jessica, but I can’t be blamed for liking Phillip over her the same way you can’t blame someone for liking blue over pink or sinigang over adobo, can I? I appreciate Phillip’s music, I don’t feel the same about Jessica’s. That’s just it.

3. I am embarrassed to admit this, but I cried during the finale of this season’s The Vampire Diaries (heck, I am embarrassed to admit that I watch this crap). And no, it wasn’t in any of the scenes featuring the Damon-Elena-Stefan triangle (Honestly it’s what makes the show crap. Too bad they’re the main characters) or because Klaus pseudo-died, but… wait for it… the Original Siblings scenes!

When Elijah was trying to make a deal with the Scooby Gang to get Klaus’ body and Stefan asked why Elijah wanted Klaus back when all Klaus ever did was dagger them and lock them up in coffins, Elijah said “He is my brother. We remain together.” And I was like


And then during the scene when Elijah told Rebekah that "He's gone, Elijah. And I couldn't do anything to stop it!"and then Elijah embraced his sister and they cried,

I was like

Klaus you are sooo lucky because Elijah and Bex (and probably Kol too) love you so much even though all you do is threaten to dagger them and cart them around in coffins.

Gawd I am such a sucker for sibling looooooooove.

4. Speaking of loooooooooove, last Friday Dr. Saldana’s computer messed up a little so when he typed in ‘capital’ he got too many a’s so the screen ended up projecting ‘capitaaaaaal’. My seatmate Kevin Jazmines laughed and said it was like girl talk with the vowels-stretching to elongate words like waaaaaaaaaah or omygaaaaaaaad. And when I think about it, he’s right. I mean, I’m sooooo guilty of that. But why is it that only girls seem to do that? I can’t think of a guy I’ve texted or chatted with who did or does that.

5. I recently heard David Archuleta’s version of Forevermore, and I was like, swoon. I never liked the original version of the song, but here comes Archiebaby singing it and tada! It’s suddenly beautiful. I could have colonial mentality or I just really like Archuleta.

Praying it’s the latter.

LSA. AOE. TP. GB?

Okay, so I might not even be an average Dota player (go ask Archer), but I do my homework about the game whether it’s by asking or watching commentaries or reading forums, so generally I can hold a decent conversation with more committed players. And so last Friday I was talking to my classmates Chris and Deni about Dota stuff.

I forgot what we were talking about before it happened, but I remember Chris saying that Bone Clinkz is the ultimate killer (and because I learn Dota from pro games I have a technical approach – by killer did he mean Carry or just pub game Holy Shit?), and I babbled about getting Eul’s when there’s a Tide because Cyclone is cast instantly while Ravage is not.

And then Deni blurted out something like, “Pag naka-ulti na siya, gang bang na.”

Now any bashfulness about green stuff has been erased by my time in UP, but I was amused because I thought he just had to say that instead of settling for the usual term ‘team fight’. So I bit into a what-a-term smile and said “Dude, gang bang naman.”

Chris laughed at my reaction. I don’t know if he was trying to be understanding or if he was trying to make an excuse, but he said “Haha, babae kase.” Deni, on the otherhand, got all flushed and you could hear the mortification in his voice as he explained that in contrast with team fight, gang bang is a strat where basically the whole team gangs up on one enemy hero. He turned to Chris for help, saying “Di ba GB, GB?” and Chris backed him up.

The thing that baffles me is that after playing Dota regularly for a year, constantly reading about it and watching over a hundred replays, I have never seen the term GB used ingame, unlike the related term ‘rape’ which is used all too often. Then again, maybe I don’t know it because the only thing Lawi ever calls for is a push.

In my opinion though, GB doesn’t make sense, unless it’s the carry or solo mid that you’re trying to kill. It’s inefficient as gold and XP are split, and risky since you give up lane control. But in pro games, four guys in a lane against a solo hero rarely happens because when three guys go missing, the captain (at least the prudent ones) sends a warning, and the team either pulls back or supports rush to the carry to make sure he’s not ambushed. Usually it ends up with everybody going into the fray so in the end what you have is not a GB a team fight.

Hmmm, maybe GB is a Filipino term more than a universal term, the way bottle-crow is supposedly a Filipino strat more than a universal strat.

Ah, Dota jargon. One of the reasons why I like this game so much.

Happiness is a Black Leather Jacket

Written because I desperately need more happy thoughts lately, what with the Mavs sucking big time, Julie Plec getting nothing right about Klaroline, me thinking about being practical and foregoing ZSMJ till December, and most of all, the finance training I’m attending zapping every ounce of happiness in me.

God, I don’t know why I went into banking when I hate math this much.

Oh, I remember now, it was about the money.

***

So basically, happiness is a black leather jacket and the godly gamer who wears it. :)

I honestly had no idea that this was going on. I was just on my weekly peek at gg.net when I saw this pic and I was like oh cool, this player has a leather jacket on while Dota 2-ing away. And then I was like, gasp! Is that V-God?

So I checked out M5’s team roster and weeeeeeeee, Vigoss is officially in it! :)




I guess he’s a late addition to the team because I distinctly remember that when PGG’s DTS broke up and PGG was recruited by M5, the first team he fielded didn’t include Vigoss. I remember that because I was sad for a while, not knowing when or if I would even watch him play again.

Good news is that Vigoss is definitely playing once more, and this time he’s actually playing like his old self. Translation, he’s pwning, bitches. Granted, he uses Night Stalker and not Lina, but I am too ecstatic about his comeback to care.

Vigoss, please stay longer this time and please please please use Lina again.

Oh yes.

Gurl tell me about it. His version of ‘That’s All’ has been the only song I’ve listened to since Monday, and every time it gets to that line where he drawls ‘Taking it all instead of taking one bite’, I have to either swallow or bite my lip or the inside of my cheeks or something because I literally get chills up my spine and some other places that I deign to mention here.

He’s like Rob Thomas but even smexier, and I don’t even like guys with guitars!

It’s sad though that what he has going on is this ‘I be chilling’ thing and so every time his performances need him to show vulnerability (case in point, Somebody I Used to Know), he just ends up clutching his chest and doing this inward cringe thing with his shoulders, which just… well, so sorry that I have to grimace.

But Phillip Phillips, please do send me a ticket to California so I can throw myself on you already.

And Migs makes four

Miguel Tirona is an interesting person, to say the least. Was an Atenean in high school and a Maroon in college; acts like both. Highlights articles in Time Magazine and talks about Yasunari Kawabata with reverence, but follows suit when she babbles about MMA or Dota. Talks about inches and thrusts and penetrations in his free time, but on sexually-charged scenes of a slightly-more-graphic-than expected movie that he manages to make them watch, merely shakes his head and remarks “That’s so unnecessary.”

The news that he handed in his resignation a day before their credit training slash reunion is unexpected but not surprising. After all, Tirona never seemed like the kind of person who could be contained – guy follows his gut more than he does his head. (She would say ‘follows his heart’ but that would be too soppy.)

She jokes to him about it, quips how Dom adequately put it. “Si Migs naman parang may ADHD.” Quit BAA for BA, quit law school for Unilever, quit Unilever for BDO, and now quitting BDO for God knows what.

He just grins. And says “You gotta chase your happiness.”

He says it the way Miguel Tirona usually does, offhand and somewhat cocky, but she does not need to hear conviction to know that he means what he says. She envies him for this courage, wonders when she would find her own. She tells him that honestly, she doesn’t even know what she’s doing in banking, for all her hatred of Math.

Migs laughs, and she realizes that while she isn’t exactly grieving about his going, there is a part of her that will be sad because a friend is leaving. She is happy for him though, because she knows he will be a step closer to whatever he really wants to be.

And in the end, she just wishes that he finds his happiness. And that someday, she finds hers too.

He dreams in color

Originally ‘To the LAE Passer’ but I’m feeling pensive tonight.

***

Around this time one year ago, I distinctly remember your emo face as we sat at the shed in front of Molave waiting for Buduy, and you were lamenting how you were the only member of our beloved little team who would be left behind in UP.

***

Sometimes I think you might have been my younger brother in one of our past lives, given how strongly I feel about looking after you.

Bencio said that I scared the hell out of him that fateful Execoun meeting when he dissed you and I was fuming as I answered back to defend you (and Denzie). I have no qualms about giving you my Healing Salve (partly because you actually thank me for it, unlike the others who even have to ask how they were healed when there was no Regen). Most of all, they’re ridiculous - the prayers I find myself uttering to God when I and la-la-la share the same bus ride home.

We must have been brother-sister in some past life. That, or I am so grateful for your stint as my Pusoy Tutor #3.

***

There was one time when you told me that you weren’t sure why you took PolSci. You would have been better off taking a course related to computers, you said. (And given your crazy passwords with the random letters, numbers and characters, you might have been right.) Because you like tinkering with stuff and fixing problems. And then you said something emo and I rolled my eyes.

I wonder now if you still feel the same thing about your course.

***

Sometime before December you texted me and said the LAE schedule had been moved. I told you to make the most out of the Christmas vacation and study the reviewer you borrowed from me. You said bahala na pag di ka pumasa, magtatrabaho ka nalang sa Coke. I told you that you are one of those lucky bastards, like Kenn and my friend Pau. You’re just born lucky. No matter how hard you screw up, everything turns out alright for you. (Not that that you don’t deserve it.)

Who knows. Maybe you did study. Or maybe LAE is just what it is – Law Aptitude Exam. Either you have that aptitude or you don’t, and you have it.

All I know is that you didn’t even take a bath when you took LAE, but you passed it anyway.

***

You saw it coming. On the ride to Moonleaf one week ago, you were telling me about the things that scared you about going to law school. I don’t remember what I replied. The only thing I remember is that for the nth time, I told you to quit smoking.

This is what I hope I replied: You’re a bit lazy at acads and a bit of a coward for running away to Baguio during THAT Sining, but you’re smart and you think differently (at least at Dota). And you’re a genuine person who never gets tired of helping other people. That’s bound to get you somewhere.

***

I just hope that wherever this gets you to, you’ll stay the same. I hope you’ll still be that guy who grabs my hand and disturbedly says “Will you stop doing that” when I make a gun-cleaning motion, who remembers my birthday even if I forget yours, who takes my straw and sticks it into my milk tea for me because apparently I always spill liquids.

I hope to God though, that you stop peeing in your pants and hitting your head on dashboards when you’re drunk. And yet again, that you stop smoking for the sake of those squiggly little things in your… no I’m not gonna put the whole description here.

***

Around this time one year ago, I distinctly remember your emo face as we sat at the shed in front of Molave waiting for Buduy and you were lamenting how you were the only member of our beloved little team who would be left behind in UP. I used to think that after this April, you’d finally join us out. You hate being left behind. I know.

I guess you’re gonna have to stay there for a bit longer, eh?

I just want to see you fight for this. :(

I don’t know. It’s like, I just want to see this team fight to keep the championship as hard as they fought to take it a year ago.

Every time I watch one of their games during last season’s playoffs, especially the games from the finals, I get shivers up my spine. Because I feel just how damned much they all wanted it. This season it’s like, I don’t know, everything just falls flat. And I hate it because I love this team.

Maybe it’s because they don’t have JJ anymore, or maybe they burned out after finally getting their goal, or maybe their being veterans is taking its toll. Whatever the reason is, I just don’t want to be looking for a new favourite team anytime soon.

Here’s to hoping that the rest of this season gets better for the Mavs.

Ode to Anj

On the ride home yesterday, the radio station was tuned into played Panic at the Disco's But It's Better If You Do, and I remembered that time when we were freshmen and were on our way back to Kalai. We were singing this song like crazy and Mi and Jangkarl were laughing at us all the time.

I had to smile – I do every time I remember those days when we were bound by more an organization. Those days when we spent time with each other not because we had to but because we wanted to. When we laughed together not for the sake of being called united but because we were genuinely having fun with each other. When we cried together not because people turn to anyone available whenever they're sad but because we really wanted to be there for each other..

Those days when the word 'Baskal' meant true friendship.

We were probably the most fleeting of all the batches that Aguman ever had, being complete only during that one semester when we applied and being broken for the rest. I've tired of thinking what made this happen. Along the way I think I've just accepted that this is what  we become: a bunch of 'hi's and komusta na?' at chance meetings and rare appearances at org events.

Nowadays I only get to hear about you through Boss' stories. You smoke and drink like crazy now, he says. I don't have your number, and I didn't know why I didn't ask Boss for it. Maybe because I don't know what to tell you if I text you. I know you only by name now, and most likely you share the same sentiment.

But that doesn't mean I've forgotten you, or the memories you shared with me. In my bookshelf at home, there is a special place for the Slam Dunk Manga that you gave to me on my birthday when you learned that I was a Kaede Rukawa fangirl. Our fridge never runs out of Graham crackers and quickmelt cheese, a yummy snack that you and Mi taught me how to make, which until now I never fail to enjoy. And I can still remember the distinct way you laugh. :)

I am no longer a part of your life and you are no longer in mine, and that six letter word that used to bind us together now sounds so far away. But I hope that if you remember me at all, you remember me fondly, as I remember you. For no matter how far we have drifted apart, we were once there for each other, and that's all that matters.

On second thought, maybe this should have been Ode to Baskal II. 

Someday you are going to regret this.

Someday you are going to regret this.

Because you think you know what is and what isn't.

You think you’re chasing your dreams. By dreams you mean the things that you don’t necessarily want (yet) but which you suppose are good for you. Because until now, you’re not much different from that freshman four years ago who wrote in her first column for Aslag that she is undefined – she doesn’t know what she wants so for the mean time she’ll go for the things that the people around her seem to want for her (or for themselves).

So you start chasing. And you keep on chasing. And you vow to yourself that no matter how many times you fuck up, you won’t stop until you reach those dreams.

But they're always windmills, aren't they? Can't they be something else for once?

Someday, you are going to regret this, and you know it. You can feel it in your bones. You are going to regret this more than how much you already regret watching that documentary on Komodo dragons instead of reviewing for your BPI test (stop crying) or destroying your friendship with John Carl over being Agu Secretary (stop cringing) or saying no to Mac because you know that brotherhood means more than the same blood running in two men’s veins (stop, just stop).

And you know that one day, when perhaps you’ve reached those precious dreams you can’t stop chasing, you might end up in a flat somewhere in Makati or Montreal or Moscow (Oh for Christ’s sake) after all. You might have your name on the OR/CR of an A4 Quattro or an SLR McLaren or a Gallardo after all. You might have the title SAVP after all.

The only thing certain is that you are going to remember what a wise man told you four years ago.

“Are you sure you don’t know what you want or inside you already know it but it’s just not the popular choice? :)”

Someday, you are going to regret this, and you know it.

But for now, go on and chase your windmills.

I feel like dancing on top of a pool table or something.

***
 How I feel right now totally sucks. You know what it's like when you really really really want to do something and technically you can but at the back of your mind you know you should not because you've got waaay more important things to do, like, uh, I don't know, study for your revalida next week so you get to keep your job?

This is what I get from too much Maroon5, Daniel Radcliffe starrers and – gasp! I myself can't believe it either - demented British vampire-werewolf hybrid villains who insist on bringing the coffins of dead family members everywhere. (It's the dimples, really. Or the stubble. Or whatever makes Adam Levine, Daniel Radcliffe and Joseph Morgan collectively awesome.)

So yeah, I swear that next week, I will be reviving an old friend who's gonna take on a new identity and tag along a partner from the alcohol bar. She's gonna do all sorts of things that she never tried before, including something that has the numerals 1-15 and the word 'complete', and maybe even something that has an M.

And most importantly, this time she's not going to think about anyone else but herself, so whatever anyone says or does not say will not matter.

***

There!

So I know I said I'm not gonna be posting DotA stuff for a while, but I just could not contain my happiness over this! (Besides, the match is gonna be DOTA 2 and not DotA so I'm off the hook, hehe!)

I am totally torn about who to cheer for because I like everyone in Na'Vi while I like only vigoss (duh) and PGG (guy's Lina is almost as BALLER as vigoss', I take back what I said in an earlier post about not caring what happens to him) in DTS, but I like vigoss over any other player.

March 18 hurry hurry hurry! :)

Because right now

Because right now, you are the only thing I care about, and the rest of the world can all burn and go to hell.

Dragon Tattoo

So last Friday for some reason I got together with four classmates to quote unquote, magsunog ng pera at Greenbelt.

The original plan was to just have lunch at Wee Nam Kee in Ayala Triangle (sad face that I wasn’t able to text Kevin Penalba because I still don’t have his number) since Jo wanted Hainanese Chicken, but we ended up eating at Toast Box, going to Starbucks and watching The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. On a workday afternoon! :)

Lunch was so-so because although the chicken was great and relatively cheap thanks to Kevin Jazmines’ creative financial planning, the service was terrible. Pinapalinis lang naming yung table sa kabila para magamit namin, sabi ba naman nung waiter hindi daw siya makadaan kase madaming tao. Wtf. We ended up dragging another table to our eating place. On the side, Eugene and Migs were kinda frustrated because they paid for the bill and we were supposed to just pay them our shares perona-short ng 100 si Migs after magbayaran. And for all his I-am-a-Certified Public Accountant glory, Eugene could not figure out where the missing 100 was. :P But as I said, yung chicken masarap.

Dragon Tattoo was actually kind of cool, especially yung abstract inky thing at the beginning. It had a mysterious appeal all throughout and the plot was nicely paced, but some scenes were kinda graphic and morbidly scary. There is something twistedly disturbing about bondage alone, all the more when you add vises and dildos and screams of pain to the equation. At one point my left seatmate Eugene had his head turned away from the screen and his eyes completely shut while my right hand seat mate Kevin J. had his hand clamped on to my arm. Way to go, La Salle and Ateneo. However UP does not score a point because I had my face buried in my hands at the same time.

It was pretty funny afterwards though because everyone was sighing in relief like there was no tomorrow. Eugene looked like he swallowed a phone or something, while Kevin J commented na parang ang sakit na din ng pwet nya. I told him not to see Teeth then.

The movie surprisingly showed more skin than I expected although when I looked it up last weekend, everything was really part of the original book's plot. Maybe that’s the reason why Migs insisted that we watch Dragon Tattoo over Chronicle. Guy is a smart conversationalist, but he is even greener than the DLSU Archers. Sa totoo lang, the fact that I get almost all of his jokes worries me.

Hindi ko gets yung Bond-esque montage near the end when Girl liquidated W’s assets. It was really awkwardly out of place and I felt like it was one of those ‘imposible pero kailangang mangyari or else wala tayong ending’ kinds of stuff in books and movies.

All in all, I’m glad we were able to throw together this little impromptu hangout. Hopefully we can do it again after we get fed to the sharks at next week’s revalidas.

Some days it sucks to be me

Some days I lose my phone. The last time it happened, I lost the phone I loved the most out of all the phones I have ever and currently own, to people who hijack jeepneys at 7.30 in the morning and happen to be pro at what they do, unlike the noobs at the SM North jeep route.

Some days I fail my exams. And I just feel so sad and disappointed and frustrated because I studied for them in a way that I have never done before, not in UP nor BPI. I memorized every single thing. But the questions were not on the material I studied.

Some days I get told that my classmates are intimidated by me because I seem so smart daw. And it feels so bad to know that people think you’re smart because the humiliation will be unbearable when they discover that I might actually fail this.

Some days I find myself alone in a coffee shop with a pile of notes on my lap waiting to be memorized. I feel so crappy that despite merely fifty pesos worth of load, I text two dozen people about how much I miss them. And how free I was when I was with them.

Some days I wonder if I’ll still have this job next month. I have to. Everything is on the line.

Some days it sucks to be me.

Thanks

This has been long overdue, but I would like to thank my friend Joseph (oh yes I remembered your real name! ^_^) for uploading the patches and maps I needed for my .48 era DotA marathon during the holidays. I started playing at late .68 so the DotA I know now is sooo different from the DotA back then. (I remember Kuya Dawn saying that this was the version he played, hmmmm.)

Click images to zoom. 

 Bases looked different dahil unti pa ang taverns and the shops didn't have kick-ass names yet. 


Um these things I do not know what to make of - those arrows sa taas ng heroes, yung ridge from sentinel base going to mid lane at yung giant ewan arc sa mid entrance ng scourge. I'm just glad natanggal ang mga yan along the way.


Shops at top and bot lanes used to be this shop called Sagarel the Evil. I say I like the current shops better.


Walang option to always show health bars! Does that mean before you last-hit/kill you have to click on your opponent first to see kung last-hitabble or killable na siya?


Buti nalang din naisip ni ice-frog na lagyan ng merit ang assists (I mean, unfair that only the killer gets gold and XP when other team mates helped out) at tanggalin yung blahblah the blahblah has fallen. It's annoying.


Also, item remakes! I'm torn whether I like bote now or bote before better, but I'm certain that I like Aghanim's before than Aghanim's now. I forgot which replay I watched it from so no screencap but I remember that it gave something like +500 hp, +500 mana and +30 int. Imba!

***

So this is gonna be my last DotA post for a long time because even though I like this game a lot, 2011 was a catastrophic year for the sport, what with legendary teams disbanding, legendary players retiring and the introduction of DotA 2 dividing the players - Europeans generally jumped ship to DotA 2 so now only the Asians are active.

It makes me really sad because there are a lot of European teams I like a lot, so I've decided to take a break from following the sport while the dust settles. Hopefully after a few months there will be new teams, old-hand comebacks and a reinvigorated passion for the only e-sport I follow. :)

Of course, even though the DotA fangirl in me has been through so many game-related heartbreaks lately, there are still a few things that manage to make me smile. Among these is a replay of... who else? :)


See how only one player has picked a hero at this mark? He knows exactly who he wants to get. :)



Team mates wanna swap, does he take it or not?


He sticks to Lina and goes off to pwn! At mababaw ang aking kaligayahan. :)